The Trials of Uzumaki Naruto, Girl
by Tama Saga
Summary: Things are different after the battle of the Valley of End. On one hand, we still have Konoha's Number One Unpredictable Ninja. On the other hand, he, no she has become one very predictable girl. Warning: Rampant WTH humor and no real pairing, yet.
1. Book 1

**Book 1: The Flight of Uzumaki Naruto, Girl.**

_ Psst, hit the next button. _


	2. Book 1: The Beginning

­

_She's short, she's flat, and she's got a temper to boot. But she's cute, and she can cook. Why not give her a second look? Ooo! Ouch...are you okay?_

The Trials of Uzumaki Naruto, Girl  
by MingShun

* * *

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto and Co. I am borrowing the characters to tell a story. In no way am I making a profit from this work.

Warnings: Female Naruto, Senseless Violence, Bad Humor, No Pairings, Suggestive Situations, Lemon-free Scent, Stereotypes.

A/N: If you see a character acting very OOC, it's your duty to let me know.

A/N: My spelling is awesome. 999 times out of 1000, I use the right word and spell it correctly. My grammer though...meh.

* * *

A pair of kunai clanged against each other as Naruto caught up.

Sasuke turned to face his pursuer. "Stand out of my way Naruto. I've come too far to be held back."

"Sasuke! I won't let you go to Orochimaru! Even if I have to break your arms and legs to do it."

Sasuke was completely unfazed by that bold declaration. "I will gain the power to kill my brother." His hands started to form seals. "And I will destroy all those who stand in my way."

"You're actually serious...damn...never thought that today would be the day that I beat you, drag you back, and win Sakura-chan's heart..." Naruto weakly said as a team of Kage Bunshin formed next to him. "We'll settle this like men then."

_"Katon: Gokakyu no Jutsu!"_  
_"Charge!" _

The battle continued...and Naruto was losing badly. That is, until he started pulling the Kyuubi's chakra.

The subsequent one-sidedness of the battle forced Sasuke to draw upon his curse seal for power. He healed instantly...and the battle became a stalemate once again. The winner of this battle would be determined by whoever could hold onto their special power longer.

By now, the tempo of the battle changed, from a ninja battle to destruction on a large scale. The cliffsides began to crumble, and large rocks splashed down in the pools of water that surrounded the two.

"Heh...It's about time this ended," Sasuke said, a half-smirk on his face. He started to run through a series of seals.

"I can't lose...not here" Naruto growled as he pulled himself out of a rock face, a portion of the horrible red aura surrounding him detaching and forming a Kage Bunshin.

The two finished at the same time.

_"RASENGAN!_"  
_"CHIDORI!"_

"Sasuke!" Naruto roared as he charged forward with a wildly spinning ball of chakra in his hand. It was far larger than normal, and contained a significant quantity of evil-feeling chakra.

"Die!" Sasuke roared just as loudly as he lunged forward as well, the sound of thousands of birds ripping through the air with his passage.

A giant ball of energy erupted around them as the two supercharged attacks clashed together and fought for dominance.

"This chakra is...terrible," Kakashi exclaimed in horror as he shot ahead of Pakkun, toward the growing black ball of energy.

By the time he arrived, Naruto was lying facedown on the ground. At first glance, the boy appeared fine. But when he reached down to pick up his student, flipping the blond-haired boy around in the process, his eyes widened. He immediately grabbed Naruto and shot home. So great was his urgency that not even a second was spared to ask Pakkun about Sasuke's whereabouts.

This time, Sasuke had struck a spot lower than in canon...at a spot where the nine-tailed fox was kept imprisoned.

* * *

Chapter 1: The Beginning of a Nightmare

* * *

It hadn't been long since he had awoken. The day was bright, making the hospital's white walls even whiter.

...

It wasn't long before he wanted to get out of here.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Bedpans clattered as he stumbled unsteadily into one of the hospital's gurneys.

Naruto hastily scrambled for the nearest hole in the wall. He hadn't meant to stumble into the cart, but something was off about his body...it made him trip at the worst possible moment.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Peering out from around the corner, he grinned at seeing the halo of light that surrounded the front door.

_Free!_

That was when the receptionist hung up the phone. Cupping her hands to her mouth, she drew in a deep breath.

_Oh no..._

"Security!"

-o-o-o-o-o-

Naruto stopped running and nearly smacked himself across the forehead. Wasn't he a ninja?

Ducking around a corner, he formed a few hand seals...changing his clothes from the hospital gown into his regular orange jumpsuit.

Now they would think that he had been released already.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Naruto struggled to break free of a burly man's grip. He had long given up on yelling at the two to let him go. No sound came out when he first tried to yell at them, and it wasn't about to get better anytime soon. Just as he rallied his resources for another try, he was released.

"Looks like him, but this isn't him." the burly man said to his partner. "Hey, next time you leave the hospital, make sure you change out of those clothes. Otherwise mistakes like this happen."

The two men walked away, killing intent leaking into the air as they continued the hunt for their prey.

Naruto breathed a sigh of relief. His henge had worked, they hadn't recognized him...

...It felt like there was something wrong with that last thought. But before he could figure out what, his stomach growled loudly, reminding him of why he had escaped from the hospital in the first place. Nothing was going to stop him now!

"Naruto!"

He froze and turned. "Sakura-chan!" he shouted. Or tried to...his parched throat felt like it was sealed shut and what came out was a moan.

She came up to him and froze. "Oh! I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else."

"..." Not able to talk, the best he could do was nod, trying to convey without words, '_Sakura-chan, it is me!' _

"Well then, how awkward," Sakura commented as she looked to the side, refusing to meet his gaze. "Sakura-chan! I missed you!" he wanted to shout. He waved his arms wildly in frustration.

When Sakura-chan reared back from him, he paused. Was he that hideous?! He took a step forward, and she took a step back.

He charged forward, if he couldn't talk, then he had to show his devotion with a hug.

But no matter how fast he ran, she always seemed to be one step ahead.

The chase ended when he slipped on a peanut shell and a plank of wood struck him upside the head.

"Ow..."

"Gaah! Are you okay?! I didn't mean to." Sakura whispered before she fearfully looked both ways. Her gaze returned to him, "it's just...your actions reminded me of a certain idiotic teammate of mine. Unless it's that stupid technique of his, he even messes up the henges," she said as she hid the 2 x 4 behind her back. "Not that your henge is bad of course," she added.

He could only groan in response, but inside he was crying. She called him an idiot. Wait, his henges?

Before he could ask, a feeling of surprise washed over him, soon to be replaced by contentment as he felt her hand lightly touch his scalp.

All too soon, the luxurious treatment ended and Sakura hastily jumped back. "Okay okay! I promise that I won't tell the hospital where you are. So stop chasing me?" She hastily looked both ways again with a worried look on her face before she stewed in her spot for a moment. She finally seemed to come to a decision as she searched through her purse. She pulled out a bandage. "Sorry," she said as she bowed to him.

Naruto dimly watched as she dropped the lightweight first-aid tool and ran off. She paused at the entrance of the alley to glance at him one last time.

"Sakura-chan!" he finally managed to rasp out, but she was gone by then.

-o-o-o-o-o-

By the time he left the alley, his head still throbbing and a bandaid stuck upon the growing bump, Sakura-chan was nowhere to be seen.

He hadn't traveled far when he suddenly found himself grabbed from behind and pulled into another alleyway.

"Oh Le-mo-n," a low voice said in an odd tone of voice.

Naruto tried to turn his head, only to see a familiar orange book. It seemed like the man holding him wanted to act out what was in the book.

The haze that had been following him since he had woken up cleared with that realization. _'Kakashi-sensei! That's sick,'_ he tried to scream. But only a silent scream left his open mouth as he desperately tried to break out of his sensei's grip.

After stomping on the perverted bastard's foot and then kicking him in the nuts, Naruto scrambled out of the alleyway...leaving the not-quite-dying man to the mercy of the rats.

-o-o-o-o-

Only one person saw the pained man get up and wink towards the sky before disappearing in a cloud of smoke.

Standing high on the roof, a smile formed beneath the cloth covering his face.

Kakashi turned, his eyes leaving his charge as he scanned the nearby crowd for Shizune.

He spotted her soon enough, she was leaving the area in the opposite direction.

He couldn't see her lips as her back was turned to him, but he could easily guess that an irritated "Naruto-kun" was running through her head. Naruto was safe for now.

He pulled out his orange book and turned around, preparing to leave. That was when someone grabbed him from behind.

"Where is that brat?!"

∗Poof∗

"Kakashi you bastard!" Tsunade cursed.

-o-o-o-o-

He could feel his intelligence slipping little by little. He needed food!

Naruto stumbled and fell again and a vague sense of anger rose within him. Dammit, he was so hungry he was becoming clumsy.

He tried, but he couldn't get up.

Feeling...weak...

A curtain of blackness descended upon him...

-o-o-o-o-

Tsunade stared at the rotten vegetables that peppered the window of a store front.

The store owner was confronting the vegetable stand owner from across the street.

"This is THE last time you're throwing your worthless goods at my store." she growled as she held the man against the side of his stall.

"I was throwing them at that brat! It's not my fault that your windows were in the way!" The stand owner gasped out as he struggled to break out of her grip."

"That excuse again?" she growled as she tightened her grip. "When you hit my customers, you used that excuse. When you destroyed my windows you used THAT excuse. When you pelted ME, you used THAT EXCUSE. IT'S ALWAYS THAT EXCUSE!"

The young man was fearing for his life. "Y-You were there! You saw how he wasn't running away like he usually does!"

"That means you made a dummy that you could set up and use as an excuse to throw things at my store." She threw him to the floor and stepped on him. "Where is it?" she coldly asked.

"That's crazy!"

Now what self-respecting woman would like to be called crazy to their face? Not this one. And she bent down and hauled him up once again.

"No No!" the man pleaded desperately, trying to save his bacon. "You saw him leave! He went that way!" The vegetable stand owner said as one of his hands let go of the arm suspending him and pointed in a direction.

"Where IS IT?!" the woman demanded again, her face an angry purple.

"Someone help me!"

-o-o-o-o-

Slrp...

Naruto woke up to find ramen noodles within his mouth and a half-eaten bowl in front of him. He quickly finished up the rest of the bowl before looking around. He recognized this place...

"Hey! Old man! How'd I get here?" He demanded, his voice now much better now that he had drunken something to clear out the dryness from his throat.

"Who are you?" the ramen stand owner immediately demanded in a gruff tone, a guarded tone in his voice.

"Huh?" Naruto looked up flashed the old man a sunny grin and a thumbs up. It was a good joke! One worthy of the great Naruto Uzumaki.

The grin slowly left his face when there was no change in the other man's expression. The old man really wasn't joking, was he?

Eating here for years, he had learned to recognize some of the ramen stand owner's body language. And it looked like the old man was getting close to throwing him out. "It's me...Uzumaki...Naruto."

A loud shattering sound from the right broke the silence. A hurried sorry came soon after. The sound of sweeping and the sound of porcelain clinking together as they were collected in a dustpan filled the background as silence descended once again.

Moments later, Ayame-chan turned around. "Naruto?!"

She came up to him and Naruto had a damp rag wiping his face. It was soon removed and a hand rubbed against his cheek. It looked like the ramen girl hadn't found what she was looking for, because he yelped when a sharp stinging pain filled his cheek moments later. The ramen girl quickly let go with an apologetic look on her face.

"What was that for?!" he demanded as he rubbed his mouth from the pinch that she had just given me.

"Where are your birthmarks?"

"Huh?"

A bowl clanked down in front of him before the girl could reply.

"Naruto!" The ramen stand owner said before he started laughing gruffly. "Sorry about that. Didn't recognize you with that new look. Here! On the house. As an apology for our lack of manners."

Naruto was about to demand what was going on when his eyes fell on the steaming bowl of tasty goodness. Maybe later, can't let good food go to waste, and ramen was best when it was hot.

-o-o-o-o-

And one bowl became two.

And two became four.

And when he continued without stopping, any traces of hesitation disappeared from the eyes of the two behind the counter.

-o-o-o-o-

"So how did I get here anyway?" Naruto asked again, pausing for a moment from his eating spree to ask a question that had been bothering him.

"You walked here," Ayame-chan said as she dried her hands. She had finished washing the bowls.

"I did?" Naruto struggled to remember, but nothing was coming up. "How come I don't remember?"

"You didn't look too good when you came in boy, gave us quite a fright when you showed up covered in rotten vegetables, grunting and moaning as if you were in pain." The ramen stand owner remarked. "Ayame was the one that came up with the idea that maybe you wanted something to eat."

Naruto gave a gigantic grin. "Oh! Thanks Ayame-chan!" He dug in again.

-o-o-o-o-

And just like that, the next two bowls disappeared as they were devoured with gusto. Naruto was just working on his seventh bowl when he felt a hand land on his shoulder.

Naruto slurped up his bite before looking curiously up at the ramen stand owner.

"Naruto...we've known each other a long time.

"?" Naruto's eyes flickered to the ramen girl, it looked like he wasn't the only one confused.

"So please don't think ill of me when I say this."

The other two stared at the old man, wondering what he was going to say.

"You look like a girl."

"What?!"

"Daddy! Have you no tact?!"

Thankfully, the situation couldn't become more awkward because someone came in at that moment and took a seat at the counter.

"One small chicken ramen please."  
"How could you say that! I don't look like a girl!" Naruto cried at the same time.

Silence descended upon the stand.

"Hey brat, if you're going to escape from the hospital, make sure you get rid of the gown that you're wearing first."

"I didn't escape you old hag!" Naruto quickly denied. His eyes bugged out when he realized what he had just said. He turned to the busty blonde sitting right next to him. How had they found him so quickly?

"Ordinarily, I would make sure you would never call me that again. However, there is a reason why you were in the hospital." Tsunade calmly said as she tapped her fingers on the counter. She finally turned to the ones behind the counter. "What are you two doing?" she finally asked.

"Hokage-sama!" the ramen stand owner and his daughter bowed, getting over their surprise. They immediately set to work.

"Crap!" Naruto cried out as he turned and grabbed his bowl before preparing to jump off of his stool.

Without even turning around, Tsunade had a hand on the collar of his shirt. "I think it's time we went for a walk. Now that you're awake, it's time for you to hear the news."

"No! I'm not done here yet." Naruto cried out before he firmly grabbed hold of the stool to show his resolve.

He had forgotten that the ramen stand's stools weren't bolted down. A fact that he was reminded of when he found himself being lifted into the air, the stool going with him.

And then gravity took over when the hand holding him up in the air released him. The stool landed first, on one leg. Tipped precariously, Naruto only had time to yell before the stool fell over, taking him with it.

-o-o-o-o-

Tsunade sat down and stretched. "You know what, forget it. I'll tell you right here." She turned to the ramen stand owner, "Get me some sake to go with that ramen." she lazily added before her hand reached out and grabbed the annoying brat, preventing another escape attempt.

The red-faced man hurried to comply with her wishes.

Tsunade turned toward Naruto, a grim look on her face. "And now then..."

-o-o-o-o-

The quiet afternoon was shattered by a loud...

"LIAR!"

...the startled birds immediately jumped from the trees. It was silent for a brief moment and the birds were considering returning to their spots.

"...YOU ACCUSE...LYING?!"

"YE-HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! STOP! LET GO!"

A loud ripping sound filled the air.

"SHUT UP AND LOOK BRAT!"

"AIEEEE!! KAI! KAI! ...KAI!"

The birds left.

* * *

A/N:

A rewritten chapter 1. I think it fits the theme of the story better.

-o-o-o-o-


	3. Book 1: The End

_To run, or not to run...that...is the question._

The Trials of Uzumaki Naruto, Girl  
by MingShun

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto and Co. I am borrowing the characters to tell a story. In no way am I making a profit from this work.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-  
**Chapter 2: No, not the end of a nightmare  
**-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Okay, so she was a girl.

That was bad. 

It was a genius genjutsu seal, one that hid her true gender from the advanced senses of the other clans such as the Hyuuga or the Inuzuka. In fact, she even grew up believing that she was a boy.

But it required an incredible amount of Chakra to maintain.

What better power source than the near infinite battery contained within her stomach? She reached up to feel her smooth cheek. The nine-tailed fox was gone though, taking her birthmarks and its chakra with it. That was good, right?

Maybe.

She felt a bit exposed without the whiskers, and significantly weaker without the fox's infinite chakra reserve, but she couldn't help but feel that it was a good deal in the end.

That is, if she wasn't plagued by the constant feeling that something was wrong. She didn't know what was causing it, but it was either hide or run.

She chose to run. But Tsunade-baachan would not let her wander outside of Konoha. Too many dangers outside.

Naruto refused to take no for an answer though. Whether the old hag like it or not, she was going. And here she was with a large backpack on her back and several miles from the gates of Konoha.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

She didn't notice eight shadows detach themselves from the trees and followed along from a distance. Who were they? What did they want?

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-


	4. Book 1: Jiraiya

_She's short, she's flat, and she's got a temper to boot. But she's cute, and she can cook. Why not give her a second look? Ooo! Ouch...are you okay?_

The Trials of Uzumaki Naruto, Girl

by MingShun

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

A/N: This is the rough extended version of this chapter. I needed to address some questions that cropped up when arielrocks and Firework reviewed.

A/N: If you see a character acting very OOC, feel free to let me know. I'm good at making subtle adjustments that don't destroy the story.

**Translations:**

"Ha ha ha...I don't believe it, you're flatter than Tsunade-hime used to-" - 

"Ha ha ha...I don't believe it, you're flatter than Tsunade-hime used to be."

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

_The first shadow belonged to an old man. Old, but not frail. His motives were the most selfless, as he followed along to defend the girl from the dangers outside of the village._

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-  
**Chapter 3: "Ero-Sennin!"  
**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"Stop calling me that!" the white haired pervert shouted at the girl in the hospital bed.

"Huh?" A confused blonde intelligently replied as she fumbled awake. It took her a moment to see who was responsible for the sudden noise. Afterwards, she couldn't help but pull the covers up further, "Ero-Sennin! What are you talking about!" She crankily shouted, upset at the old man for interrupting her nap.

He didn't rise to her bait. His student's motion to hide had interested him. "Oh? What could you possibly be hiding under the blankets?" he asked as he took a corner of the the thin blanket.

"No! Stay back!" Naruto shouted in fear. It was in vain as the pervert's grinning head seemed to float closer. Not only that but she seemed to be losing her grip on the blanket.

There was a pop and a small cloud of smoke which quickly faded away. Naruto stood a few feet away from the bed, wearing a very thin hospital gown. Her arm was extended, indicating that she had just punched something.

It was apparent that Jiraiya was unhurt. The same couldn't be said about his Bunshin, but they were supposed to be sacrificeable anyway. The old pervert suddenly stopped debating the morality of making sacrificable doubles to laugh uproariously.

"Ha ha ha...I don't believe it, you're flatter than Tsunade-hime used to-" he hadn't been able to finish since a clipboard chose that moment to slam into his face with enough force to shatter apart. There was a crash as Jiraiya slammed hard into a wall. Gravity took over, pulling the old pervert from the new indent on the wall and onto the floor. He was unconscious.

"Always a pervert," the blonde Hokage huffed as she held the splintered halves of the clipboard. She turned to look at the girl that was standing out of bed.

"And you, you're supposed to be in bed," the Hokage ordered.

The blond girl made no move to follow the Hokage's demand.

Before Tsunade made her irritation known through her fist, she noticed that Naruto was gaping at her with an expression that seemed to say that everything had become clear now.

"Naruto?"

"Ne ne, Tsunade-baasan, it's Genjutsu that makes your chest that large right?"

The air turned downright hostile. Several rooms down, a machine started to dance as it tried to report that the patient was in serious trouble, but the doctors and nurses nearby were frozen in place by a very terrifying aura.

"You...You brat!" the Hokage roared as she stood to full height.

Naruto cowered in her spot, certain that this was the end of his, err her, life. A sharp pain suddenly blossomed at her forehead. Opening her eyes and looking upwards, she saw that Tsunade had her finger extended and poking her there lightly.

"You're lucky brat. If you weren't a patient, I wouldn't have hesitated to send you after the pervert," Tsunade said with a grin. A glare took over. "However, if I catch wind that you've become a pervert yourself, girl or not, I won't hesitate to end your life. Now get into bed."

Tsunade had barely finished her statement when she found the girl hiding under the covers. She leaned over the bed to check on the girl's condition.

-o-o-o-o-o-

"Brat," came a cough from behind her.

The girl stopped staring out the window at the nice weather outside to see who was speaking. "Ero-sennin!" the blond girl suddenly shrieked as she pulled the blanket over herself once again.

"Stop calling me that brat," the man growled.

Naruto took his growl the wrong way. "Eek! Go away pervert!" she cried as she gathered more of the oversized hospital blanket around her body.

"Now look here brat. I'm not just a pervert. I'm a-"

"You came to stare at me didn't you you pervert?"

Jiraiya's jaw dropped. "Super Per-What? No!"

"I feel dirty!" Naruto sobbed loudly.

"Robbing cradles now pervert?" asked a low menacing voice from behind. This was followed by the slow cracking of knuckles. Jiraiya slowly turned around with a resigned look on his face. "Tsunade-hime?" he asked as he managed a weak grin.

Naruto stopped hiding to raise an arm and cheer. "Get rid of him Baachan!"

**Crack!** Glass blew outwards as a white-haired pervert went through a window and made a long arc toward the ground.

-o-o-o-o-o-

It was dark and quiet out.

A spry old man slowly snuck through the hospital utilizing every last peeping skill that he had to sneak around the guards and enter a normal looking hospital room.

He approached the lump under the covers and reached forward.

"You really want to die, don't you pervert?" Tsunade asked as she stood up from her seat, a hospital bed hidden behind the door. Naruto was quietly sleeping upon the aforementioned bed.

Confused, Jiraiya ripped off the blanket.

-o-o-o-o-o-

A tarred and feathered old man hung helplessly from the front of the hospital building the next day. A sign on his back saying, 'no perverts allowed.'

And no, Tsunade didn't strip her old teammate naked, the hospital was full enough as it was.

-o-o-o-o-o-

The old man was pissed.

All he wanted to do was ask the brat whether she wanted to go on a three year training trip.

He jumped through the broken window.

"Pervert!" came a loud shout.

'Screw it,' he thought as he found himself making a hole in the wall this time as he unwillingly flew out of the hospital once again.

-o-o-o-o-o-

"Naruto?"

Naruto tensed slightly, fully prepared to call for help. She slowly looked up from the manga that she was reading to see who was speaking.

She called loudly all right. "Ah! Sakura-chan!" she greeted. Then her face fell, "I'm sorry that I couldn't bring Sasuke-teme back."

"It's okay," Sakura said reassuringly as she took a seat at the foot of the hospital bed.

Naruto's eyes narrowed before she vehemently shook her head. "No it isn't! I gave Sakura-chan a promise and I never go back on my promise!" she said as she stared at her covered feet.

Her eyes suddenly seemed to glow as if they were on fire. "I'll bring Sasuke back for you Sakura-chan! Just give me a little more time."

Sakura smiled before she slowly shook her head. "No." the girl said.

"Eh? But Sakura-chan! Don't you want Sasuke back?"

Sakura wagged her finger at the blond. "I mean, no, I won't let you go alone next time. I'll get stronger as well. When it comes time to bring Sasuke back. WE will do it together."

"..." Naruto stared at her teammate for a moment before a large grin filled her face. "Yeah, we'll do it together!"

Naruto watched as Sakura left the room. She smiled as she looked back down at her manga.

"Naruto?"

Naruto fumbled briefly with her manga before she dove for her covers. She looked up again, the blankets shielding her from view. "Sakura-chan?" she asked when she saw the pink-haired girl peering into her doorway.

"Why is your voice different?"

"Well uh...I woke up...and it was different," the girl laughed embarrassedly with a hand behind her head. Naruto ducked beneath the covers when Sakura suddenly glared at her. The sound of heavy footsteps caused her to peek out. Sakura-chan had left.

Naruto looked quietly down at her comic book. She wanted to answer Sakura-chan. She really did! But she didn't know the answer herself.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

A/N: There's a subtle breaking of the 4th wall in the beginning of this chapter. If you look closer, you'll notice that Naruto really truly didn't say Ero-sennin. I did...in the title!

A/N: Jiraiya might be a pervert but he isn't going to molest a girl. But that doesn't mean he isn't going to resort to underhanded means to get the girl to reveal herself.

A/N: I added the Sakura scene as a quick fix for Firework's review. Thanks!

As for why Naruto didn't know the reason. She never realized that women and men sound a bit different. She thought that maybe her new smokey voice was because of a sore throat or something.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-


	5. Book 1: Chouji

_She's short, she's flat, and she's got a temper to boot. But she's cute, and she can cook. Why not give her a second look? Ooo! Ouch...are you okay?_

The Trials of Uzumaki Naruto, Girl

by MingShun

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

_The second shadow was larger than the others. He followed along hoping for a bite of whatever the girl was having for dinner later._

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-  
**Chapter 3: Chouji  
**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"Hehehe," the blonde girl chuckled quietly as she snuck out of the hospital. It wasn't easy...her new body was even shorter than before and had a different center of balance. In short, she was a tad clumsy and the fallen medical carts and disheveled towel racks made a lot of racket.

As she peered around the corner, she did not notice the larger shadow sneak up from behind her.

"Heh." The low chuckle was all the warning the short blonde had before she was caught in a tight headlock and struggling desperately to free herself.

"Shouldn't you be back at the hospital, brat?" asked the Godaime as she started to bodily drag the smaller girl back towards the medical center.

"Gaah, ack. Shouldn't you...be back...at the tower then...Baa...baasan?" the girl choked out.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Meanwhile, Shizune was just entering the Hokage's chamber with an armful of papers. Upon seeing the empty Hokage's chair, she dropped the stack that she had been holding...

**Whump **

went the stack of papers as they landed on the floor and scattered. "Tsu-Tsunade-sama..." Shizune shrieked as she started to shake.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"I suppose I could try letting you stay outside a bit longer," the Fifth Hokage said as she promptly did an about face and dragged her helpless captive towards the marketplace.

Upon arriving, the two soon discovered a problem.

"What?!" the shorter one had shouted upon pulling herself free from the busty one's arm.

"You heard me brat, no money equals no food or gambling."

"You...you...how did you gamble it all away when I only looked away for a minute?." Naruto accused.

"Brat!" There was the sound of a fist connecting with a spiky blonde head. Contrary to popular belief, Tsunade hadn't actually lost the money from gambling. Yes, she stopped in front of the pachinko parlor when Naruto wasn't looking...and she had taken a step towards the darkened room. But at the sight of Shizune dashing in and violently throwing patrons around as she searched for...someone, she had nervously turned around and caught up with Naruto. Honestly? They were out of money because she hadn't brought many ryo's along to begin with.

"But...but...we haven't had ramen yet!" the girl complained.

The Fifth groaned before she glared pointedly at her shorter companion, "Look brat, if you don't shut up, I can drag you back to the hospital right now."

"Isn't Shizune-neechan working at the hospital at this time?" the girl innocently asked.

"It's a risk that I'm willing to take," the Fifth had replied through gritted teeth. Naruto wisely decided to stop complaining when she saw how serious the older blonde looked.

There was a loud shout, drawing their attention to the right. They both stared at the sign,

**3****rd**** Annual Cooking Contest**.

Grand Prize: 1500 Ryo.

Second Place: 500 Ryo.

Third Place: 100 Ryo.

Anything Goes Elimination Events begin at 14:00

Finals start at 17:00.

Sponsored by the Akimichi clan.

It occurred to Naruto that if Ramen cost 3 Ryo a bowl, that would be quite a lot of Ramen. But Ramen wasn't the only thing on her mind.

For Tsunade, it meant more gambling money.

The two entered the booth to apply.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"At table 5, we have the classic competition between mother and daughter..."

"We're not related!" the two shouted at the judge before they resumed glaring at each other.

It was pure chance that the two were picked to compete against the other, however only one of them was going to be allowed to advance to the next elimination round.

When the judge announced the topic, one of them started grinning wildly while the other gained a resigned look on her face. Instant Ramen...you can easily guess who had what face.

And so the cooking contestants were given a portable burner and a kettle full of water and the match began.

Everything started smoothly at first, water was heated and the kettles all started whistling at about the same time.

With a sigh of happiness, Naruto finished pouring the water to the fill line. Pulling out a small egg timer that she usually carried with her for such situations, she set it for three minutes and set it down on the table next to her ramen.

And then she swiftly grabbed her kettle, reared back, and swung it in a wide arc. There was a resounding clang as Naruto managed to deflect an incoming kettle towards another table.

One thing to note is that these were not ordinary kettles. No, these contest kettles were designed to resist rusting, cracking, and denting. It's the dent resistance that was of interest. Some time ago, a construction worker had dropped one of these kettles from three stories up. It crashed into a concrete block with horrific force, splitting it in half. That's not all, however. That concrete block was responsible for holding a steel beam upright. Without its support, the beam fell over and landed on top of the kettle...crushing it. But I'm not finished yet. That beam was part of the primary foundation. As it fell over, it brought the entire frame down with it, so several beams weighing about a ton each crashed on top of the first beam...further flattening the kettle.

When the noise finally died down, the construction company was forced to send several of its workers to the hospital as well as start over on the construction of the office building.

The kettle responsible was finally unearthed sometime later. It was a bit dirty, but there wasn't a pockmark or a dent on its smooth exterior. To get this sort of durability, these kettles had walls which were thick and solid. In short, they were heavy.

The rogue kettle, that Naruto had deflected a few paragraphs ago, bounced away and landed on a table off to the side. There was a loud crack as the table splintered and broke in half...spilling the ramen cups that had been resting on top and waiting for the three minutes to ready.

There was a shout, and then the battle began in earnest. The goal was to sabotage your opponent's ramen cup. Those whose instant ramen remained unspoiled would advance to the final.

There were a few restrictions in the contest, such as no killing or grievously wounding your opponent. Only physical attacks were allowed, although Chakra could be used to enhance the attack. An important rule is that you were not allowed to directly attack ramen cups that did not belong to your opponent. It was, however, frowned upon but not illegal to indirectly hit ramen cups of other people that were not your opponent.

Several nearby contestants shouted angrily as another miniature earthquake broke out. Luckily, Naruto had been prepared as she held her ramen cup aloft as the table that it was originally sitting on shook violently from Tsunade's attack. The shaking was far more than enough to spill ramen cups, as several of those that had been standing nearby started complaining to the judges about their disqualification.

None of the opponents in this contest could match up to the destructive power of a sannin. The second strongest cook in the tournament, however, was eliminated when he decided to take the offensive and left his cup unguarded for half a second. A stray rusty kunai took advantage of that moment to pierce the cup, staining the water inside a bloody brown.

Back at Naruto and Tsunade's table, the younger blonde was doing a fairly good job defending her cup of instant ramen from the old lady. Forced on the defensive from the start, she fearlessly stared down every one of Tsunade's attacks...dodging many and countering a few.

There was a tremendous boom as Tsunade created another earthquake. This one was powerful enough to have a crater and a fault line. In the aftermath of this attack, several of the contestants were on the ground moaning and groaning after the attack. The judges soon dispatched a messenger to summon a hospital team over to treat the injured. It would take a few minutes before the medics would arrive.

However, none of the moaning and groaning contestants had more than minor injuries...

...all of them were lamenting over their loss. If the vibrations and sudden holes weren't enough to defend against this attack, the dust filled air was definitely capable of contaminating the soup. In one stroke, Tsunade had succeeded in wiping out most of the remaining competitors, all that was left was her cup, Naruto's cup, and one other contestant's cup.

An eggtimer went off just as the dust had settled. It was the one that Naruto had set right after pouring the hot water. Moments later, her ramen cup was empty. It took her a few seconds of staring at Tsunade's smirking face before she realized what she had just done.

Uttering a curse that was vile enough to surprise even the Fifth, Naruto lunged for Tsunade's cup. She might have lost, but the rules encouraged active participation as long as time allowed.

**Bong! ** "Time's up!" shouted the judge as he hit the gong.

Naruto dug her heels into the ground in a desperate attempt to stop her assault. She needn't have bothered. Just as she reached Tsunade's instant ramen cup, a haymaker caught her across the face and sent her flying into the middle of the bystanders.

The judge looked around for a moment before raising the Hokage's hand. "Seeing how there are no more competitors, the final's winner has already been decided."

He walked up to the blonde Hokage and lifted her hand high into the air, "the winner of this year's annual cooking contest is Tsu-"

"Tsunade-sama!"

Tsunade turned angrily towards the person who dared interrupt the judge, only to be greeted by the sight of a sea of pointing fingers. Behind the crowd, Shizune stood at the entrance to the tent. She was leading the team of medics from the hospital.

"There is a pile of papers in your office that require your immediate attention."

"But...but..."

"I believe that the Kazekage is currently staying in a hotel and awaiting a moment of your time..."

"Shizun..."

"Team 8 has recently completed their mission and seek a moment of your time..."

Tsunade pulled her arm away and stepped out without another word.

The judge was uncomfortably aware of the hostile looks in the crowd. The winner had just left without claiming her prize. That meant that first place was still available to give out. That meant he was going to continue the contest or else.

He coughed once before standing up to announce, "because the winner of the contest has forfeited and because there wasn't a clear runner-up, another preliminary will have to be held to determine the contestants who will enter the finals. I ask that you please wait while we set up the next preliminary."

There was a resounding cheer from the crowd.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"V!" Naruto shouted with her hand in a victory sign and a fierce grin on her face. There was sobbing behind her, and a quick look into the background showed her opponent on his knees crying beneath a black one legged table. On top of the table was a nice steaming plate of dumplings standing on top of the remains of an egg timer, the remains of her opponent's culinary attempt, and also... the shredded remains of her opponent's pants.

"From here on out, I will not be the judge anymore. I leave this job to a more experienced group of taste testers. I will now announce the members of the Panel, the group who will be responsible for judging the culinary creations produced in the final. We begin with..."

More talking! Agh! She impatiently hopped up and down a few times before the sound of crying caught her attention. She glanced back at the crying man and chuckled slightly as the memory of the last half hour surfaced.

It was a crazy and vicious fight, her opponent had left to use the restroom halfway through the match. She caught him with his pants down. Yes, literally, but not like that. The poor guy was minding his business inside of the restroom when he was suddenly covered in flour and raw eggs. There was a loud roar from within and the man soon charged out...that was when Naruto leapt from the roof and struck him...

Seriously, if you think a twelve year old girl would be able to knock out a man three times her weight with only a single hit to the head...

...You'd be right. Naruto threw the dented frying pan aside and proceeded to drag the unconscious man back towards the cooking tent. From there, she batted her opponent's nicely steaming dumplings aside, poured her own into the steamer, and secured her place in the finals.

As for why the man's pants were on the table, well...Naruto had met Anko on the way back to the tent. The two exchanged a few words before Naruto paled and ran. In her haste, she had forgotten her opponent's body.

A bad thing to do since Anko had been on the prowl for fresh meat. The crazy kunoichi glanced downwards.

Naruto's opponent staggered in minutes before the contest's end, throwing what was left of his pants at the girl before collapsing to the ground and crying in his nice new dress suit.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"...and finally, the newest member of the Panel is Chouji-san from the prestigious Akimichi clan," the preliminaries judge turned announcer finished.

The murmuring in the crowd grew louder.

"Rest assured, he may be young and a member of the clan who sponsored this contest, but Chouji-san has years of culinary experience under his belt. In addition, though a member of his clan has reached the finals, his reverant respect for food will prevent him from making a biased decision."

The murmuring quieted soon after that.

After wiping some sweat from his brow, the announcer straightened up. "In a few minutes, we will begin the finals. Will Uramen-san, Futada-san, and Akimichi-san step forward please?"

Upon hearing Uramen-san, Naruto stepped forward. Accompanying her were an average looking woman with long black hair and a largish man in a chef's uniform.

"Will Uramen-san please step forward?" The announcer repeated.

Naruto looked confused but she took another step.

"I repeat, will Uramen-san please step forward, the finals are about to begin."

Unable to take it anymore, Naruto stepped forward, grabbed the announcer's sleeve and shouted, "I'm right here baldy!"

The crowd became restless again.

"Kyaa! She's so cute!"

"What a rude little girl."

"No wonder why we didn't see her, she's so short."

"How old is she?"

"Where are her parents?"

"I'm sorry little miss," the announcer apologized as he used his free hand to cover his hair. Naruto growled quietly in response. Little was bad enough. Miss was a death wish.

'Baldy' stood up again, "Ahem, the final topic for these three contestants will be..."

He paused to take a deep breath.

"...Fried Chicken!"

"Pucaw?" Clucked a few nearby fowl that had been wandering by.

"Pucaw!" feathers flew everywhere as the chickens desperately ran for it just as a group of butchers released their camouflage cloth...revealing their position and large gleaming knives.

"You will, of course, be provided with the freshest ingredients that money can buy," the announcer added, totally ignoring the frightful slaughter.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Surprisingly, all of the chickens within a mile radius had managed to escape the bloodthirsty knives.

And without the main ingredient, the contest topic had to be changed. Sitting in front of the panel were three bowls of noodle dishes...

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

All three of the judges tentatively eyed the small bowl in front of them. They took a bite.

"This is delicious," the first judge announced as he revealed an 8.

"I agree, the rich broth and high quality of the noodles deserves a high score, 9."

The score fell on the final judge...4

The preliminaries judge turned announcer turned to the crowd to shout, "The final scores are as follows: Futada Aika has finished first with a score of..."

"Whaaaat?!"

Naruto outraged shriek filled the air, interrupting the announcer and catching everyone's attention.

Chouji calmly sat back and cooly regarded the irate girl as he prepared his explanation. "Indeed, this noodle bowl was delicious, but this flavor was only created because you used extremely high quality ingredients. I don't know where you found such ingredients during the contest, but this is a cooking contest, we want to see your skill, not your wealth."

Naruto was doing a credible impression of a fish out of water.

"Are we agreed then?" Chouji asked.

"Over my dead body Fatso! I used the ingredients that Baldy gave me," the irate girl raged as she pointed at the announcer.

"Baldy?" The announcer asked aghast, fumbling with his hair again.

"While the vegetables were fresh, I find it hard to believe that the rest of the ingredients could be used to create something like this," Chouji maturely replied. However the redness of his face indicated that he was steaming over the weight comment.

"They can...look!" The girl shouted as she seized a small bowl and filled it with her cooking entry. She took a sip and frowned. "Needs a bit more salt," she mumbled quietly before she glared furiously at Chouji, "But these noodles, I made them myself!"

"Contestants were given a box of dried noodles," Chouji replied as he pointed towards the judge.

Naruto looked confused, as if that was news to her.

The announcer thought about it for a moment before replying, "We ran out of noodles so I gave her a bag of rice flour."

"What?!" Naruto and Chouji both shouted in outrage. One because he made a false assumption, thus calling his skill into question. The other because she was being unfairly underestimated again.

"I didn't think you knew what you were doing, so it was only logical to keep you occupied while the other two worked seriously. If it's any consolation, I was surprised when you turned in your own entry," the announcer shakily admitted.

The crowd turned in Naruto's direction as they awaited her response in the three-way ping pong argument...

"Umm...if I may suggest..." the second judge timidly said.

"What?!" the three shouted.

"How about we ask this girl to make her soup again?" No sooner had he suggested this when...

**Whud!**

...A large opened bag of flour landed in front of the surprised judges.

**Clang!**

...It was immediately followed by a large cooking pan full of water,

**Thok thok thok**

...assorted containers of seasoning,

**Thud**

...and a box of fresh vegetables.

"Fine!" the girl shouted as she started to sprinkle oil onto the surface of the judge's table.

"What technique!" Someone shouted as Naruto expertly combined the flour and the water. She heaved the ball of dough into the air.

"Is that the Raking Claws of the Angry Dragon?"

"Didn't that technique disappear out when the last practioner of the School of Ramen Combat died last year?"

"How did he die again?"

"I heard it was an accident."

There were more gasps.

"The Trickling Lotus Leaves seasoning technique. Said to evenly spread the spices throughout a dish. When used with soups it prevents the flavor from settling on the bottom resulting in a balanced taste that is neither weak nor intense. Truly fearsome, how would this child know of such a technique?"

"She must be a cooking prodigy."

Naruto paused for a moment from embarrassment. She liked compliments, but these were weird. Trickling what technique? She was just spreading the spices with one hand while she stirred the pot with the other.

She ladled out a small portion of the steaming soup into a small saucer to taste.

"Ooowoah, is that the Blazing Kiss of the Succu..."

"Shut up already!" the blonde girl shouted as she reared back to throw the saucer at the offender...she paused for a moment to think about her actions before, with a humph, she returned to tasting her soup.

After sprinkling a few more spices into the soup, she turned to the judges.

"It's done!" She shouted ladling the soup out into the small bowls.

The judges sampled the soup.

"It's better than before!"

"Agreed."

"I must apologize Naru-san, I suppose it was possible to make such a great soup without high quality ingredients." Chouji quietly said looking downcast.

"It's fine, just fix the score," the girl cheerfully replied with a thumbs up.

"I'm afraid that we can't," came the announcers voice from behind.

Before the girl had a chance to respond the announcer quickly shot out, "Ahem, sorry for the interruption. The winners are as follows. Futada Aika has finished first with a score of 24, Akimichi Tarou takes second with 22, and Uramen Naru takes last place with a score of 21."

"Huh?" Naru dumbly asked. She turned around to argue...

...A brief gust blew through an empty tent.

Disgusted, she hurled the 10 ryo coins that she had suddenly found in her hand onto the ground and stomped out.

Unnoticed, Chouji watched the girl leave the tent through half-lidded, almost evil looking, eyes.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

A/N – I think I went over the top in this chapter.

A/N – Chouji isn't really fat actually. He's working on regaining his weight after the pepper pill. But habits sorta die hard, and that was Naruto's rude nickname for the Akimichi.

Thanks to Sakura Lisel for pointing out Fifth to Sixth errors. It totally wasn't my fault! Really trully!

Theme for this chapter? Cooking


	6. Book 1: Kiba

_She's short, she's flat, and she's got a temper to boot. But she's cute, and she can cook. Why not give her a second look? Ooo! Ouch...are you okay?_

The Trials of Uzumaki Naruto, Girl

by MingShun

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

See, normally I would put a disclaimer here, but this time I wrote such a godly one that I decided that you guys aren't worthy enough to see it. So I hid it away. Only I know what it says, and it's quite a good one if I say so myself. Bwahahahah.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

_The third shadow was the most feral looking of the eight. He could also be very annoying, especially since he was following along for more blackmail material. _

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-  
**Chapter 5: Kiba  
**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"_Baachan! Give me a hard one for once." Naruto whined from on top of the desk._

_Tsunade suddenly slammed her palm down, barely missing the girl, and cracking the desk in the process. "Okay, fine!"_

"_Yes!" she shouted leaping up._

_A sinister grin appeared on the Hokage's face. "But first..."_

"_Eh?" The younger blond unwittingly said._

"_...Show me that you're good enough for one. If you can keep your identity a secret for a day I may have a high ranking mission available for you. However, if even one person discovers your identity beforehand, I'll have you in a dress and doing D rank missions for a month. Have we got ourselves a deal?" _

_The look of apprehension quickly faded from the younger blond's face. "Heh, this'll be easy!" She loudly proclaimed as she ran out of the room to hide in her apartment._

_With Naruto's departure, only two remained inside of the Hokage's office, Tsunade and Shizune. Well, three if Ton-ton was included._

_Sitting at her desk, Tsunade reached forward and pulled out a small pile of mission requests. Most of them were C rank and up. She quickly rifled through them. Assassination in Fire, assassination in Fire, espionage in Cloud, assassination in Earth..._

_Naruto wasn't ready for any of these missions. Besides, she thought that Naruto would look cute in a dress. So she had to stack the deck in her favor somehow..._

"_Shizune. I have a sabotage mission of utmost importance." She said as she held up the data folder for the nin that she wanted assigned to the mission._

_The woman standing next to her sighed before carefully setting Ton-ton on the ground._

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Konoha is just as energetic during the night as it is during the day. After all, it is a ninja village. It's not uncommon for nins to be wandering around at this time of night, going about their business as if the sun was still up and shining brightly. The camera pans slightly before zooming in on a young boy who was currently out wandering after dusk.

"It's a great night to be out, eh Akamaru?" Kiba asked, looking upwards at his traveling companion for a response. It had been a few hours since Team 8 had been dismissed from the Hokage's office after submitting their report on a successful mission. The Inuzuka and his companion were now searching for something to do to pass the time.

The small nin-dog woofed a few times in response.

"Heh, I hear you. So how about that one?" Kiba asked as he pointed to a shadow nearby. It was obviously an adult female, however the dark night and absence of street lamps on this road hid her features from view.

Akamaru gave a short bark. It sounded like the dog was chortling.

"You don't have to rub it in," Kiba whined halfheartedly as the two continued onwards, forgetting about the woman in the process.

His white companion gave another bark.

"Thanks pal," Kiba said with a grin before he started to daydream about meeting a hot chick and wooing her with flowers and poetry.

Akamaru suddenly whined loudly,

Kiba quickly turned at the warning.

It was too late as he suddenly found himself holding someone shorter than him. From the scent, he knew that he was holding onto someone of the opposite gender. How awkward.

The two quickly separated, the girl pushing herself off with a halfhearted apology before she started walking away. The Inuzuka would have none of that though. Reaching over, he caught her arm and. "Hey, sorry about..." he said casually.

"No prob," the blond girl interrupted as she tugged on her trapped arm.

"No no, I'll make it up to you. Hmm..." he released her arm so that he could put his hand to his chin. After a moment of thought, he smacked a fist into the palm of his hand. "I know!" he exuberantly said. He turned to the girl to reveal his idea.

Only to find that the spot next to him was quite empty...

Kiba quickly looked around. He spotted her small form hurrying away towards a rundown part of Konoha. "Hey!" he shouted. The girl jumped slightly before she abandoned her fast walk and ran for it. Kiba immediately shot off after her. Luckily, Inuzukas were fast, so it took little effort for him to catch up. Akamaru growled slightly though. He was going to have words with his partner about the rough ride later.

"Hey wait. How about I buy you dinner?" Kiba asked as he started running alongside the girl. He stopped as she disappeared again.

But only because she stopped.

"Really?" She asked when Kiba finally turned around to look behind him. After years of hunger, she wasn't one to turn down free food.

"Yep! C'mon, I know this great sushi restaurant!" Kiba said as he jogged over and tugged lightly on her arm.

As he led her around, something started to bother him.

"You know, something about you seems familiar. What's your name?"

"Eh...call me Uramen," came the confident reply.

"Uramen...That's not your real name is it?" Kiba asked skeptically.

"Of course it is dogboy!" the girl next to him laughed.

Akamaru swiveled around as the head he was riding on turned to the girl with narrowed eyes. Because it was dark out, she didn't notice.

"Dogboy? There aren't many that call me that..." The suspicion in Kiba's comment was easy to pick out.

"Uhh..."she stalled, not knowing where dogboy was going with this.

"...in fact, only one person that I know of actually calls me that to my face...and that is you..."

"Wha?!"

The two were passing under a streetlight when Kiba suddenly spun and seized the girl's shoulder to hold her still.

"...Naruto."

Under the dim light, it was possible to guess what she looked like during the day. Her hair seemed to reflect the blue glow of the streetlamp. A light color, possibly blond or pink. Bright eyes...too light to be black or brown colored. They could be blue or green. No whisker marks...odd. There were two girls that matched these descriptions, Ino and Sakura. This girl was neither, she was too short. The best answer was therefore the only one of their age group who had a special henge.

The girl quickly stopped gaping in shock as she started to shake. "No way! Ee...I mean...who's Naruto?" she said as she pushed him away before she started gesturing wildly

Kiba chuckled. "Yeah...you're the only one I know of who smells like week-old ramen."

She appeared indignant. "I do not, yo!"

"You're right." He took a whiff. "You had ramen yesterday as well."

"You have the wrong guy yo!" she shouted angrily.

"You're right," Akamaru suddenly let out a bark. "Akamaru says that you smell like a girl." Akamaru growled in response but Kiba ignored his partner.

"I'm not a gir-ee!" Naruto abruptly shut her mouth as her face darkened from the blood rushing to her head. She turned and ran for it.

She didn't get very far before she found herself in a headlock.

"Admit it, you're Naruto," Kiba demanded.

"Never!" the girl loudly shouted from her leaned over position as she used both of her hands to push against the arm looped around her neck in her desperate struggle to break free.

"So that's the way you want to do it?" Kiba asked in an unimpressed tone.

Her eyes widened. "Eh?"

Kiba started to walk away with her head in the crook of his arm. "Gaak!" Naruto gasped as she stopped struggling and followed as best as she could.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"State your business." The guard at the gate demanded.

"Is Hinata in?" Kiba asked before thrusting one of his shoulders upwards to get some blood flowing into it again. Incidentally, his struggling cargo also experienced a brief moment of airtime. Of course, what goes up must come down, and the there was a 'mmmm!' as her stomach landed on his shoulder again. Right afterwards the girl was beating ineffectually on his back with her bound hands as she struggled to yell through the duct tape.

"I believe she is," the guard replied, completely ignoring the spectacle in front of him.

"Can you go call her? I need to show her something," Kiba requested as he twitched in frustration. He threw the girl upwards again to get her to stop.

"Very well then," the guard said with a clipped nod before making a gesture to his partner. The other guard quickly disappeared.

Kiba took that moment of free time to lower himself to the ground and shove the girl off of his shoulder. Sitting on her back to keep her down, he started to wait.

Minutes later, Hinata appeared at the front gate.

"Kiba?" she asked quietly.

"Hinata!" Kiba greeted cheerfully. He turned to look at the bound girl next to him. "I need your help with something."

With that, he took a corner of the duct tape and pulled. **Rip**

"Ow!" the girl beneath him shrieked as her lips were almost pulled off.

"This is..." Kiba started.

"Untie me you bastard!" Naruto vented angrily as she squirmed.

"...Naruto." Kiba finished.

"No I'm not!" the girl vehemently denied.

"Yup, see? She claims that she isn't. Could you use your bloodline to see who's right?"

"I-I think so," Hinata whispered before forming a seal and activating her bloodline.

After staring intently at the violent girl beneath Kiba for a moment, Hinata's eyes widened as she let out a gasp.

"What? What is it?" Kiba demanded from his teammate.

"Th-That's Na-N-not Naruto! No, not Naruto," Hinata said with a shaky laugh.

Kiba's face fell. "Oh."

"See! I tol-"

"Couldn't be Naruto. Naruto-kun is a guy and you are a girl. Maybe he had a sister. But he never said that he had one. But you are Naruto's sister right?" Hinata said in a flighty tone of voice as her eyes suddenly lost focus. At the other girl's desperate nod, Hinata continued. "Hi Naruto's sister, would you like some tea? Oh no! I'm sorry, I forgot! I hadn't anticipated any visitors. It will take some time to make the tea. Please come in anyway, yes? When did Naruto-kun say that he will be over? Oh, I need to get dressed."

One of the guards suddenly picked up the babbling white-eyed girl and carried her away. The other was glaring at Kiba with a less than friendly expression. "You broke her." He reared up menacingly, "I'm so going to enjoy this"

Dodging a swipe, Kiba quickly seized a pair of legs and ran for it.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

In his desperate bid to find the truth, Kiba visited several more houses that night. Many of the people that he visited immediately slammed the door on his face. Others laughed for a brief moment before giving Kiba some pointers on where his prank had a problem. Undeterred by the long string of failures, Kiba had the girl in his arms as he bridal carried her to the next house. Akamaru had long since grown tired of riding on the boy's head, so he was now resting quietly inside of the Inuzuka's jacket.

"Gaah!" the girl shouted in frustration before she started to wave her arms wildly, incidentally smacking a white dog in the face.

Her actions weren't hasty. By doing this, she fully intended on having her feet on the ground. She hadn't counted on being dropped however.

Pushing herself up, she spit out the mouthful of grass that she had just consumed before standing up. "Ah! I can't take it anymore. Fine dogboy. You're right, I'm Naruto!" the girl shouted angrily before dusting herself off and stomping home.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

After a little sleep, Naruto stepped into the Hokage's office a few hours later, bright-eyed and refreshed.

"I did it Tsunade-baachan. No one knew that it was me." the girl cheered.

Tsunade raised an eyebrow. "Oh? I have reports from all over claiming that they had seen you."

Naruto sputtered for a moment. "You can't prove anything." she shouted as she pointed at the older blond.

There was a snicker from behind her, and then a click. Moments later, "-more. Fine dogboy, you're right. I'm Naruto." echoed throughout the room.

Naruto whirled around to see Kiba standing behind her with a smug look on his face. "You!"

Tsunade nodded sagely. "I see." She looked upon her desk before reaching for a folder with a large 'D' emblazoned on the front.

"That could have been anyone's voice!" Naruto immediately shouted in her defense when she saw what the old hag was reaching.

Kiba held up a picture of Naruto shouting at him.

"How do you know what I was saying at the time, dogboy?" Naruto challenged.

Click

A television set that was hidden in a corner of the room suddenly started displaying a movie of Naruto spitting out a mouthful of dirt before standing up and shouting, "Ah! I can't take it anymore. Fine dogboy, you're right. I'm Naruto."

Naruto turned white upon seeing the embarrassing video.

"Do you want me to bring in the witnesses?" Kiba asked innocently.

Naruto looked away, unable to come up with a suitable defense.

Tsunade started to laugh uproariously. "Not bad kid, completing a B ranked mission all by yourself."

Red started flooding her pale cheeks when she heard those words. "What?" she asked in a quiet voice.

"Here's your pay kid, now get out of here and don't spend it in one place," Tsunade said as she handed a large packet to the Inuzuka before turning to the steaming ex-container.

"This doesn't count! You told him in advance Baachan!" she shrieked in outrage.

"Actually it does. I never said that I couldn't reveal your secret. But if it's bothering you so much," she paused for a moment, "when you admitted your identity to Kiba, several citizens were frightened awake by your loud shout," she held up a small stack of papers. These are their complaints. "Now," Tsunade pulled out a different folder with 'D' clearly marked on the tab. "Are you going to keep your promise?"

Naruto hung her head as she nodded and reluctantly stepped forward.

"Oh." Tsunade said as she pulled the folder back. "Wait a moment."

Naruto raised her head hopefully. Tsunade-baachan was feeling sorry for such a cruel deception and was going to give her a more exciting mission.

"I almost forgot," this time the Hokage had a large maniacal grin on her face as she opened a drawer and pulled something out.

Her jaw dropped. "Hell no you old hag! You can't make me!" the girl shrieked.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Kiba returned home with a large grin on his face. He loved being a private detective. He flopped onto his bed and pulled a manga from off the floor.

Just as he opened it, he heard a shout from the kitchen. "Kiba! For the last time. Clean your room!"

Setting the small graphic novel down for a moment, he turned to the open door. "I'll do it later mom!"

Before he could start reading an enthralling tale about magic and dragonslaying, his mom appeared in the doorway. "I knew you were going to say that, so I hired a genin team to do it for you. I expect you to use the money that you earned this morning to pay for it."

"What?! I said I was going to do it!" A team of genin wasn't expensive, but it was the principle of the matter.

"Then turn the genin away and do it yourself," she responded in a no-nonsense tone. "I expect your room to be spotless when I get back in two hours." she warned as she walked away. Several moments later, Kiba heard the front door shut.

Shrugging, Kiba picked up his book and began to read.

Kiba was just getting to the good part when he heard a knock on the door. Sighing, he rolled off the bed and left his room to open the front door.

In one swift twist, the door was unlocked. Kiba slowly reached for the knob. "Woah!" he shouted in surprise as he jumped back when the door flew open. There standing on the Inuzukas' front step was, "Naruto?!"

There, standing in front of him was a red-faced blond girl with a giant red bow on top of her head, and a french maid's outfit. He could almost see the steam pouring out of her ears.

"You look..." Kiba was at a loss for words. Naruto looked really cute in that getup. Especially with the angry pout on her face. But this interest in her was both disturbing and frightening.

Akamaru was far less restrained in what he thought as he walked up to her started sniffing around the girl's ankles.

"Here," Naruto said through gritted teeth as she shoved something into his hands. It was a small scroll.

There was a moment of silence as Kiba unrolled the scroll and began to read.

Naruto shuffled uneasily for a moment. "Where's the payment?" She demanded.

"Hang on," Kiba said as he continued to read. Just when the girl was about to burst, he looked up. "It says here that I'm not supposed to pay you until you finish your mission."

"I did finish it! You got your stupid scroll right?"

"Actually, your real mission is to clean my room." Kiba said with a straight face.

"What?! No it isn't!" The girl denied as she snatched the scroll from his hands and read it herself. She cursed before throwing the scroll down and stomping on it several times.

"You're so damn lucky, dogboy. I'm not supposed to kill you until after I receive the payment. Where's your room? I'm not going to fail a mission just because of you."

Kiba chuckled weakly, all thoughts of turning away the hired help cowering from the intense fire in the girl's eyes. Turning, he headed for his room.

"Oh god." Naruto said as she looked in. The floor wasn't even visible because of all of the scrolls, clothes and trash.

"Well then, good luck," Kiba said as he started to edged away, leaving Naruto to stare blankly at the mess.

Just as he reached the corner, he turned to hear his door slam shut before the hallway was filled with the sound of heavy machinery and intense cursing.

Fearing the worst, Kiba ran back to his room, only to discover that the door was locked.

He finally stopped banging on his door. Whatever was going on in there was definitely drowning out his knocking.

After several minutes of sitting in front of his door and imagining Naruto with a giant flamethrower torching his room, the noise suddenly disappeared and the door slowly opened.

Kiba wasted no time looking in.

He was shocked. "Naruto, what the !&#! did you do to my room?"

She looked in with her closed-eyed expression for a moment before turning back. "Cleaned it yo."

His room was worse than before! Now the list of people who couldn't walk around in there included him.

"Be serious!" he shouted angrily at the girl. "If you don't know how to clean, have a look at my sister's room or something. I'm going to the bookstore. I expect my room to be clean when I return."

Kiba left right after that. He didn't notice Naruto sticking out her tongue and giving him a redeye behind his back.

Half an hour later, Kiba returned with a small stack of comic books.

Entering his room, the Inuzuka was prepared for almost everything but that. The bag in his hand fell from nerveless fingers and landed with a thump.

Naruto turned to him for a brief moment before turning back to what she was working on. "You're back."

"What the hell?!" Kiba shouted.

"Pretty good, huh?" Naruto commented without turning around.

There sitting in the middle of his room was a life sized sculpture made from clothes. Kiba wouldn't have minded as much if the sculpture didn't look so much like him beaten and sprawled on the floor with Naruto standing over him posing victoriously.

"Shouldn't you be cleaning my room?" he demanded.

"I'm done yo." the girl said with a shrug as she started to piling some cloth to make a small Akamaru.

Kiba's face went to his hands. He didn't even need to look to know that his room was even messier than the second time. He looked anyway. Okay, he was positive he didn't own this many clothes. So where did the extra clothes come from? His question was soon answered when he saw something that looked like his sister's underwear.

The front door clicked open and the Inuzuka heir started fearing for his life. Akamaru, the traitorous partner, was suspiciously absent.

"I'm home! Why does it smell like stale ramen in here?"

"Uhh, hey mom! We're in here." Kiba shouted as he looked around desperately before moving to pick up a discarded food wrapper.

Naruto watched with interest as her employer was soon gathering everything from the floor in one fell swoop and shoving them into the only hiding space available, the closet.

Kiba must have had a hidden talent somewhere because, when his mom appeared moments later and looked around, she nodded and looked rather pleased. Before he could breath a sigh of relief, he noticed a glint develop in her eye before she walked up to the closet and carefully slid it open. Surprisingly, everything inside was stacked in a tidy orderly manner.

"Keep it like this, Kiba," she said as she walked out humming.

Naruto suddenly seemed to remember something. "Payment?" she sternly demanded as she held out her hand.

"Urusai! I had to clean the room myself!" Kiba shouted as he moved to throw the girl out.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Omake! Ichi!

"What do you want Naruto?" Kiba tiredly asked a few days later. That last mission hadn't been an easy one.

The girl didn't respond. Instead she continued to lead him until they reached a rundown apartment complex.

She didn't stop there. She continued pulling him up three flights of stairs before she unlocked the door and the two entered a living room.

He gaped at the odd stains on the walls, it almost appeared that they used to spell out something. Before he could examine them, he found himself pulled towards another room.

"Look Kiba!" the girl shouted as she swept her arm around her. Was she showing off the room?

Kiba could only look on in confusion.

The girl then walked up to the closet and pulled it open.

"Waagh!" she cried as she was suddenly buried. A cry that was soon echoed by Kiba as the pile of junk soon covered him as well.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

A/N: Kiba sure treated Naruto roughly in this chapter. I can only claim that no Naruto's were hurt in the making of this chapter.

The Theme for this Chapter? Cleaning.

Acknowledgements: Thanks go to Rae Rae for looking over the chapter and asking questions! Now you don't have to deal with some of my dumb mistakes like what really happened or who said what. We didn't catch everything, so maybe you can help.


	7. Book 1: Lee

_She's short, she's flat, and she's got a temper to boot. But she's cute, and she can cook. Why not give her a second look? Ooo! Ouch...are you okay?_

The Trials of Uzumaki Naruto, Girl

by MingShun

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

_The fourth one was probably the scariest. Well...whenever he was in the presence of his mentor. His reason for taking part in the secret parade was because he had an obligation to fulfill._

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-  
**Chapter 6: Lee  
**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

It was early in the morning. Very very early in the morning. So early in the morning that the sun wasn't out and only the patrolling nin were up at the time. So we need to wait a bit.

A few hours later, a struggling Naruto was carried into the Hokage's tower where she was unceremoniously deposited on the floor.

Both, the ANBU and Naruto gawked at the sleeping blond woman for a moment before the ANBU turned around and headed for the door.

"Oi oi! Shouldn't you wake her up?" Naruto whispered quietly.

The ANBU adopted a posture that seemed to say, 'Do I look stupid?' before quickly disappearing in a shower of leaves.

So it was up to Naruto to wake up the Hokage. Thankfully she had heard of a foolproof way to pull this off without dying. Unfortunately, she never found out that this was just a story told by the more experienced nin to the rather gullible recruits.

Forming a familiar set of seals, Naruto shouted out...

**Kage Bunshin!**

There was a loud explosion as the girl was suddenly imbedded in a wall. Her shadow clone took a step back to get a larger view of the irony before it laughed hysterically and poofed out of existence.

Tsunade stood in front of her desk with her eyes closed and her arm fully extended. Blinking awake, Tsunade looked to see what she had just punched. She quickly recognized the object. "Eh? Brat! I was busy!" she said, pretending that she had been working the entire time.

Naruto could only groan in response. The pain overwhelming her capacity for a scathing retort.

After returning to her desk and wiping the drool from her mouth, Tsunade started to rifle through the day's missions.

"Good news," the Fifth cheerfully, "I have an important mission for you."

"C-rank?" Naruto asked hopefully as she suddenly seemed to recover to a hundred percent health.

"It should be B-ranked actually," the Hokage replied as she licked a finger before flipping through the mission request to double check.

"What is it?" Naruto excitedly asked. "Rescuing a princess? Defeating a group of bandits? Stealing secrets from a foreign country?"

"None of those actually," Tsunade replied before snapping the folder shut and tossing it to the neo-girl.

Naruto frantically pulled out the mission outline, almost ripping the front cover off the folder in the process. "Eh? D-rank? Babysitting?! I don't know a thing about babysitting!"

"You'll learn. Now get going, you're late already."

Naruto had just entered the hallway when Shizune entered the Hokage's office.

"Wait!" the black haired woman shouted breathlessly before reaching down to pick up a dazed neogirl by the collar of her orange jumpsuit.

Tsunade looked curiously at her closest friend. "Shizune?"

Shizune straightened up as her breathing slowed to a more sedate pace. "Tsunade-sama!" Shizune cheerfully greeted before her face shifted to a more determined look. "Aren't you forgetting something?"

There was a perplexed look on the Hokage's face as she tried to recall what. "No, I don't suppose so." she finally said while shaking her head.

"Ah, do you mind if I borrow Naruto-kun for a moment then?" Shizune asked in a slightly pleading tone of voice.

"Knock youself out," Tsunade carelessly commented. Naruto gave a yelp as she was suddenly yanked out of the room.

Tsunade laid her head down to sleep some more. After all, the paperwork wasn't going anywhere.

The Fifth Hokage suddenly raised her head as a loud shout of, "Noooo! I'm not wearing that! Girls wear that!" echoed through the tower.

And that was how Tsunade knew what she had forgotten. "Dammit Shizune! How could you!" she angrily yelled as she sprung over her desk and hurried out of the room.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"Ah! You must be the babysitter that we hired." An exotic gorgeous-looking red-eyed redheaded woman said as she opened the door. Naruto took a moment to rub at her eyes. For a second there, she thought she saw 9 flowing tails and a pair of fox ears

"Well come on, don't keep us waiting," the woman said as she pulled the blond girl inside.

"Dear, have you seen my tie?" asked a blond haired man. He looked really familiar. In fact, Naruto was wondering if the Fourth Hokage had an identical twin. The man stopped pacing in front of the stairs to gaze at the shorter blond. "Who's she?"

"She's our babysitter honey!" the redhead cheerfully answered.

"You're a bit late, girl," the man said as he shot the girl a neutral look.

The foxlike woman playfully cuffed her husband. "We're not in a hurry to be anywhere you know."

The Fourth lookalike shook his head before turning."No, I suppose not." he mumbled as he walked away.

"Don't worry about him, he's just grumpy in the mornings," the foxy lady said with a wink before turning and walking toward a small room. Naruto quickly followed.

The redhead led her to a crib in the nursery. "This is who you will be watching over. Say hello to...I'm sorry, what was your name again?"

"Naruto..." Naruto hesitantly replied.

"Is that so? Our little one is also called Naruto too, how strange." the woman said with a thoughtful look. "Well, let's see you hold him." With that, she picked up her child and carefully pushed him into the blond girl's hands.

"He's so small!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Shh! He's sleeping. And yes well, babies are like that," the woman replied distractedly.

And then, seemingly out of the blue, Naruto asked the fateful question. "Where do babies come from?"

There was no reply since the redhaired woman had disappeared. However, before Naruto could find her employer, the baby's eyes snapped open. And little Naruto started to wail. Loudly!

"Shh! Shh!" Naruto whispered. The baby wouldn't stop! So she brought her head closer to nuzzle the child.

The baby suddenly stopped crying, but, "Ow!" Naruto cried as she struggled to pull her head away. Unfortunately, little Naruto had her hair in a death grip and he wasn't letting go anytime soon.

"Ow! Let go," she whined as the baby gave another tug on her short blond locks.

Resolving her determination, Naruto pulled as hard as she could. Little Naruto lost his grip and she was free...without losing a single strand of hair! But the baby would have none of that. He started to cry again.

"Noo..." Naruto wanted to cry as well. Steeling her resolve, she brought her head closer.

Two heads peered in to look at the now quiet baby and his quietly suffering babysitter.

They disappeared moments later.

"She's great with the children, isn't she?" a foxy woman said with a small smile.

"I'm surprised she hasn't started screaming yet," the blond hair man helpfully supplied.

The redhead hit her husband again for saying such bad things about their child before she gave him a small peck on the cheek. "So where did you want to go today that made you so eager to find a babysitter?" she teased.

He had an enigmatic smirk on his face. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

In the other room...

"Ah! You threw up on me! Oh gross, it stinks yo!"

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

An exhausted girl slowly staggered into the Hokage's office.

"Mission...success," the girl mumbled to the blond woman behind the desk.

"Naruto!" The shriek came from behind, but Naruto was too tired to turn around, much less argue with Shizune-chan.

Nothing held the aspiring medic-nin back though. "I thought I told you to keep them clean!"

Naruto's hair and long-sleeved sweater were partially covered in some dried yellow substance. Thankfully, the vomit didn't reach the thigh-length skirt although, of the three, that would be the easiest to clean.

"Heh, serves you right my apprentice," Tsunade said with a smirk, cutting in before Shizune could start reprimanding the younger blond. She pulled out a stack of papers and quickly browsed through them. "Hmm, it looks like there aren't any more D-rank missions available right now. I guess you get the day off then brat."

Naruto disappeared so quickly it almost seemed like she used a Jounin technique.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"Agh! Stupid baby," Naruto cried as she finally had enough of waiting. Ripping a thin pink ribbon from her hair, she dunked her head into the half-full sink.

"Gaah, it stinks!" she complained as the smell returned with the application of water. Groping around she finally found the metal chain and pulled the plug from the sink. That done, she made her way over to the shower, nearly tripping over the toilet along the way. Finding the knob that activated the water, she didn't bother to remove her clothes as she turned it to full and plunged right in.

Moments later, she was shrieking and cursing angrily because she had forgotten to give the water time to heat up.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Well, the vomit was finally out of her hair. Naruto shivered slightly. She could still feel the cold water. Her new sweater was soaking in the sink. A large ratty towel was covering her upper body as she quietly sat on the toilet seat and thought.

'Okay, babies are evil. I've got to stop them from taking over. But where do they come from?' she wondered.

"Sakura-chan would know!" she shouted as she jumped up and ran to her bedroom.

Quickly donning an unwashed shirt, she quickly left her apartment, completely forgetting about the skirt that was attached around her waist.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Naruto's first stop was Kakashi. She found him standing around in the middle of nowhere reading his orange book.

"Kakashi-sensei!" she called out.

"Hmm? Naruto?" the silver haired man asked without looking up.

"Have you seen Sakura-chan?"

"Maa. Not today," he said as he continued to read. "If I see her, I'll let her know that you're searching for her."

"Ah! Thank you Kakashi-sensei!"

There was a quiet moment.

Naruto broke it soon enough. "Kakashi-sensei!" she shouted to get his attention.

"Hmm?" Kakashi asked as he continued to read.

"Do you know where babies come from?" The girl curiously asked.

Kakashi flipped a page and read some more before he replied. "Ask someone else."

"Fine!" the annoyed girl shouted.

Right after she disappeared, one of Kakashi's hairs toinged outwards. His sole visible eye was now wide open and unseeing. Whether his shock stemmed from the passage that he had just read about Rika and Denshi or from finally realizing what Naruto had just asked...is unclear.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

The bell above the door rang as Naruto entered the flower shop.

She spotted her target sitting behind the cash register. "Ino-chan!"

The girl in question looked up from her manga. "Who are you?" She asked, wondering why this person was addressing her so familiarly.

"I'm Naruto!"

"Naruto?" she questioned. She slowly scanned her eyes up and down the blonde in front of her before blinking twice and asking, "Are you feeling okay?"

"Yep!" Naruto cheerfully answered.

"Oh, well...okay," Ino said hesitantly.

"So! Have you seen Sakura-chan today?" Naruto asked as she walked behind the counter.

"Ha!" Ino barked, her reservations forgotten as Naruto reminded her of the existence of her rival. "I haven't seen any signs of that large forehead today."

The ex-Kyuubi container's face fell. "Oh. Okay, thanks anyway."

"Anytime," the other blond replied as she looked back down at her novel.

"Ah, Ino-chan!"

"Are you here to chat or buy a flower?" the other blond girl asked impatiently.

Naruto wasn't given time to answer as the bell above the door rang again, signaling the entry of more customers. Ino stood up.

"Out out," Ino whispered as she pushed the other girl out of the way so that she could help the newcomers.

The bell chimed a third time as Naruto left without a word.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

At a training area in the middle of nowhere,

Naruto arrived to see Lee hard at work demolishing another log.

She paused as realization dawned on her. Fuzzy-brows might know where Sakura-chan is!

"Oi! Fuzzy-brows!" Naruto called.

"Naruto!" Lee shouted as he turned around. He stopped and stared at the one in front of him, his mouth flapping up and down like a fish.

But before Naruto could ask a question, Lee had his own thing to say. "Uwoah! Naruto is at the pinnacle of youth! For a man to wear a skirt with such pride!"

**Bap!**

"Naruto? Why did you hit me for complimenting you?" Lee asked while rubbing the back of his head.

"You call that a compliment?!" Naruto shouted, redfaced as she tried to cover the skirt with her hands.

"My mistake Naruto. I shall prove how sorry I am by kicking this log a hundred times." He began doing just that. "And if that's not enough, I shall run a hundred laps around Konoha." he shouted in between kicks. "And if that isn't enough, I shall-"

"Have you seen Sakura-chan Fuzzy-brows?" Naruto impatiently interrupted.

"I am...sorry...Naruto...san, but...I have...not seen...the lovely...Sakura...today." Lee said between kicks.

"Oh," she was a little disappointed. But maybe fuzzy brows would know. "well...do you have any idea where babies come from?"

"I don't." Lee replied without hesitation as he stopped kicking the log for a moment to devote his full attention to Naruto.

Before Naruto's face could fall any further, Lee continued, "But I have heard that the stork brings babies to married couples when they are ready."

"Really?"

Lee frowned. "I do not believe so. Instead I believe that babies grow from trees!"

It sounded so absurd. "What? Why?" Naruto demanded.

"Our lovely Sakura must have come from a cherry tree because they are almost as beautiful as she."

Naruto gasped. It made so much sense. "Woah! You're so smart Lee!" She shouted, completely forgetting about her skirt as she pumped a fist into the air.

"No Naruto. I am not smart at all," Lee admitted, embarrassed.

"You are!" the blonde insisted stamping her foot.

There was no reply since Lee was looking away to hide his embarrassment.

"You are!" she repeated, she pointed at the boy with the bowl cut, "admit it yo!"

As Naruto continued get Lee to accept her praise, they were unaware that a third person was standing just outside of the training area.

"_Shannaro! Do you see her hair? It looks so smooth, soft and shiny. And her large innocent eyes. And her forehead isn't large. She's definitely cuter than you!"_

"Shut up you!" Sakura shouted angrily at her inner persona.

Naruto and Lee froze before swiftly turning towards where the shout came from.

Wide smiles instantly graced their faces when they realized who was responsible for the loud shout.

"Ah! Sakura-chan! Why are you here?" Naruto shouted as she energetically beckoned for the pink haired girl to come over.

"I heard you were looking for me." the pink-haired girl said as she cautiously approached the two.

Naruto looked confused for a moment. "I was?" she froze for a moment to think. She suddenly had a hand behind her head and rubbed it nervously. "That's right, I was! Hahaha."

"Well?" the Haruno impatiently asked.

Naruto blinked. "Eh?"

"Why were you looking for me?" Sakura asked.

"Ah! Do you know where babies come from Sakura-chan?"

"Of course I do," Sakura said confidently.

Naruto cheered. "Yeah! Sakura-chan is so smart!"

"As expected of my beautiful flower," Lee seconded.

Sakura glared at the boy in green spandex, "Get lost Lee."

"Uwoah!" the green hair boy cried as he began kicking the log again. "I shall prove the depths of my love for the lovely Sakura with a thousand kicks to this log. And if that isn't enough..."

The two girls sweatdropped before they turned to each other. "Okay Naruto. I'll make it simple for you," Sakura began...

...and stopped. Moments later, the pink haired girl was frowning. Explaining this was going to be harder than she thought. She finally looked up and saw Naruto's expectant expression. Not wanting to appear stupid to the class clown, she blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"Only girls can have babies,"

Naruto looked confused for a brief moment. Her dazed expression quickly changed to a wide smile, "Good thing I'm not a girl then!"

"_Such a brilliant smile, it looks cute on her," Inner Sakura huffed._

"_Hush!" Outer Sakura shouted_

"Aren't you a girl right now?" Sakura asked.

"Eh?" Naruto gaped at Sakura's accusation before she composed herself and tried to puzzle out the truth.

"_Shannaro! Her confused look is so innocent!" Inner Sakura shouted._

"_I said be quiet!" Outer Sakura ordered before she tried to shove her inner persona into a small locked box._

"I guess so..." Naruto finally replied, a hesitant look on her face.

"_Her insecure look is perfect!" Inner Sakura said as she suddenly broke out of Outer Sakura's hold and pointed._

_Outer Sakura looked pensive. "It is, isn't it...I mean, uh..." _

"That means you can have babies." Sakura pointed out.

"No way!" the blond girl sputtered.

_Inner Sakura was suspiciously silent about the scared look on the other girl's face._

_Outer Sakura wasn't. "I'm beginning to hate her, and yet I feel like I want to hug and comfort her right now."_

"_How would Sasuke-kun feel if he saw her?" Inner Sakura curiously wondered._

"_He would ignore her!" Outer Sakura confidently answered._

"_Would he really?" her inner self asked innocently._

A tick mark appeared on her forehead. "And when you have a baby, you'll get really fat."

"Fat? Why is this Sakura?" Lee asked in confusion. Apparently he had paused his training again to listen to Sakura's genius explanation about the facts of life.

His comment broke the mood since the terror suddenly disappeared from the blond girl's face upon hearing such an important question. Confusion broke out on Naruto's face as well. "So?"

"_Shannaro! There it is again. That innocent look! And she doesn't have to worry about her weight!"_

"_She doesn't?!"_

"_Haven't you seen how much ramen she eats..."_

"_!! That...that..."_

"Are you okay Sakura-chan?" the blonde asked worriedly.

_Inner Sakura immediately flinched away when she saw THAT look. "Chaa! You can't beat her! Get rid of her now before Sasuke-kun finds her." she moaned._

"Where would I hide the body?" the pink-haired one muttered through gritted teeth.

"Huh?" Naruto asked, as she examined Sakura's face from three centimeters away.

Sakura stumbled backwards before a fake grin appeared on her face. "Oh, I meant to say I feel great!"

"Oh...okay!" the blonde cheerfully said, glad that Sakura was feeling healthy. Lee was nodding happily as well. Neither noticed the strained tones lacing the Cherry Blossom's voice.

"Now where were we?" Sakura wondered.

"Umm...you were saying something about getting fat?" Naruto said with a thoughtful expression.

A sinister grin appeared on Sakura's face causing both Lee and Naruto to leap back in terror.

"_Shannaro! Take her down!" Inner Sakura shouted from within._

"Well some girls get really really fat," she paused for a moment before adding, "as big as that caterpillar in the Forest of Death actually. They're so big that they have to roll to move around," she vividly described.

Rivulets of sweat started to pour down the Naruto's face as she imagined this. "Sakura-chan...stop..."

"And then when it comes time for the baby to come into this world, the doctors take these gigantic steak knives," she paused to hold her arms out real wide, "and..." She put one hand above the other to emphasize that the knives were so big that they needed two hands to properly hold and use them. Bringing both hands above her head, she breathed deeply, heightening the suspense...

And then she stabbed downward in a brutal manner.

"Iyaaaaah! No more! No more!" Naruto shrieked as she shut her eyes, covered her ears, and huddled close to the ground.

For his part, Lee was confused since he didn't see what the problem was. He stepped forward and gently tapped the blond girl on the shoulder. "Naruto-san? Oof!" He fell back slightly when Naruto scratched at his chest several times before latching onto him in fear.

Sakura stared at the scene for a moment before a giant grin appeared on her face.

"_This is just too...perfect!" Outer Sakura cheered._

"_Hell yeah!" Inner Sakura shouted echoing her carrier's thoughts. "We win! Sasuke is still ours!"_

"Naruto, Naruto, don't worry!" Sakura gently chided. Naruto looked up hopefully, ready to hear the good news. "As long as you don't hug a boy you won't have to worry about carrying a ba...oh." she held a hand to her mouth.

The pause caused the happy expression to drop like a rock.

When Sakura failed to move or correct herself, the two turned their heads to see what she was staring so intently at. Horror dawned an their faces as the two suddenly realized just what Naruto was doing. The blond quickly pushed herself away...but...

"I suppose I was a bit too late. If it's a girl, name her Sakura will you?" Sakura requested as she covered her mouth to hide her laughter.

"Nooo! Fuzzy-brows you idiot!" Naruto shouted as tears entered her eyes. She leapt at the boy wearing green spandex and tried to beat him to death for giving her a baby.

"Very sorry Naruto-san. I shall make it up to you," Lee exclaimed as he easily dodged out of the way.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Omake -

Two people appear from out of nowhere. It was the redhaired woman and the blond man from earlier in the chapter.

The redhead gives a cough before she began, "we just wanted to let the readers know that any assumptions that you had about us were false. First of all, I am not Kyuubi, I am an ordinary redhead woman. Yes, just average..."

"And I'm not the Fourth. That means that I have not been mysteriously brought back to life nor am I hiding from anyone." the blond man helpfully supplied.

A third figure appears. "And if you believe what either of them said, man you're gulli-"

Kitsune-bi!

"Gaah! See!" the coauthor shouts as she leaps out of the way of the foxfire before dashing for the exit.

She didn't get very far.

"Dear, where do you want this?" the blond haired man said as he slowly walked back to his wife.

"I was thinking of showing her around the country of rain."

"No! I hate wet places!" the coauthor shouted as she struggled to escape.

The blond man didn't appear to notice. Instead he just looked thoughtful. "But first we need a babysitter right?"

"Yes, I suppose we do,"

Back in her apartment, Naruto suddenly let out a sneeze. After groggily scratching her back, she turned over and fell back asleep.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Author's Corner

"I can't believe you sacrificed me, your best friend!"

"It was either you or me."

There was a brief moment of silence.

"Hey, what's that for? Don't forget, I made sure that you weren't hurt! Stay back! I'm warning you. AH-Hey! you're still here? The theme of this chapter was babies."

"You do realize you look like an idiot when you talk to thin air like that, right?"

"Eh heh. Gaah!"


	8. Book 1: Gaara

_She's short, she's flat, and she's got a temper to boot. But she's cute, and she can cook. Why not give her a second look? Ooo! Ouch...are you okay?_

The Trials of Uzumaki Naruto, Girl

by MingShun

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"Blah! Who cares about reviews anyway!"  
"You do!"  
"Hmmph, my stories are just fine, they don't need to be tainted by the lowly opinions of others!"  
"Hahaha, you honestly believe that?"  
"Shut up! Disclaim the chapter and let's get going."  
"Yeah yeah. Neither of us own Naruto."  
"That's it?"  
"What more does it need?"  
"How about we're not doing this for profit? And we're so ashamed to be writing such an awful story. Or my coauthor should be thrown off a cliff for uh..eh...heh...have you tried that seafood buffet down the street?"  
"No no, what were you going to say? I insist..."

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

_The fifth shadow wasn't even a citizen of Konoha. However through convenient timing (stalking) he was present at the time of her flight. I was too afraid to ask what his motives were._

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-  
**Chapter 7: Gaara**  
-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Naruto let out a great big yawn as she stepped into the Hokage's office, catching the attention of two that were already inside.

"Naruto-kun?" Shizune asked as she stepped up to check the younger girl's temperature. Ton-ton remained in Tsunade's apprentice's other hand, buyooing worriedly in the small girl's face.

Naruto reached forward to absently pet Tsunade's pet pig.

"You look terrible brat," Tsunade pointed out with a touch of concern. Indeed, there were dark rings around the girl's eyes. Ever since Sakura had explained where babies had come from, the nightmares had been far too horrifying to sleep through.

That one where the babies were devouring every ramen bowl in sight, and she was tied up and unable to do anything...that one had her raiding her private stores when she finally woke up. Thankfully, there was that last cup of that extra special ramen that always made her happy. She couldn't stop shaking though, and she ended up spilling it just when it was ready...

Naruto started to tremble again as her thoughts took a turn for the worst.

**Slap.**

Quickly recovering her senses. Naruto muttered a small thank you to Tsunade's apprentice before she took a deep breath and stepped forward.

Tsunade frowned at the younger blond before she looked through the available missions. She finally found one which the ex-container could accomplish without too much trouble. "This will be your only mission for today then. I hope you get some sleep before you come in tomorrow," the sennin said as she held out a scroll.

Naruto took the offered scroll without complaint and pulled it open.

A tired look of surprise dawned on her face. "Gaara is visiting today?" she asked without looking up.

"Yes, with his sister and his brother. They are part of Suna's plan to rebuild relations between the two villages, and I need you to find housing and entertain the guests until I'm ready to receive them."

She couldn't help it. She might have been tired, but Tsunade-baachan had left an opening a mile wide. So she scoffed. "Sounds like you were planning on running away from your duties as Hokage to find a gambling parlor today huh, Tsunade-baba?" she asked, fully taking advantage of the Hokage's promise of no more D-Rank missions today.

"..." Tsunade narrowed her eyes at the pint-sized blond before an evil smile appeared on her face. Naruto shivered as an icy chill slowly crawled up her spine.

"Just for that brat, you're wearing THAT," Tsunade ordered as she pointed to a nearby wall.

"..." Naruto stared speechlessly at the newest set of clothes that were hanging from a wooden peg that was sticking out of the wall, "What the hell are you on, you old hag?!"

Shizune and Ton-ton both sighed and walked out before the inevitable sounds of combat shook the Hokage's office.

-o-o-o-o-o-

"This is the spot. Who did the Hokage say was going to meet us here?" Temari asked Kankurou as she stopped next to park near the Hokage's Tower.

The three watched the passerbys for some time before they noticed a strangely dressed, dimunitive blond girl leave the tower. For starters, her dress was a resized version of blue uniform worn by the nin assigned to patrol the streets of Konoha after the Uchiha Police Force ceased to exist.

They watched as the girl spotted them after looking around for a moment. Giving a lazy wave, she walked over. "Hey Gaara, Kankuro, Temari," Naruto said with a sleepy smile once she was within speaking distance.

"Why do you address us so familiarly?" Gaara stoically asked.

Naruto looked downcast for a moment before she realized that they hadn't forgotten her. They just didn't recognize her. "It's me Uzumaki Naruto!" she said with a big grin.

"Fishcake? Who names their kid fishcake?" Kankurou asked. No one replied.

Naruto just wanted to cry. To be forgotten so easily.

"I'm just joking. Of course we know who you are," Kankurou suddenly said, "But why are you wearing that?"

He was pointing at what the other two sand siblings were already studying. The pair of large ears resting atop the girl's head. The black oversized paws covering her hands and feet and the long bushy red tail dragging behind her gave them a pretty good idea of what she was supposed to be. They weren't completely sure though, because this girl also had dark rings around her eyes. In addition, it seemed to clash with the blue patrolnin uniform mentioned earlier.

"You're supposed to be a fox right?" Temari guessed.

"That's right," Naruto weakly chuckled as she held a hand behind her head.

"You look pathetic," Temari said, looking away to hide the blush on her face. She wanted a costume like that.

The laughter died from her face, to be replaced by a cute pout. "It's not like I wanted to wear it," the shorter blond complained before she swiftly rounded on Kankurou.

"Stop gawking!" she snapped.

The boy in war paint quickly looked away.

But the feeling of being watched persisted. There was only one other that was close enough to have such strong staring intent, and it wasn't Temari. Naruto rounded on Gaara, and opened her mouth wide as she prepared to tell him to stop staring at her.

Except she couldn't. Not when the emotionless way he was staring at her sent such bad vibes down her spine.

"Umm, hey, what's with the scary face yo?"

"Naruto." Gaara started, fixing her in place with a look. He placed a medium sized hand on the blonde's small shoulder.

"I want you." the redhead said with a completely expressionless face.

Question marks flew over her head. Gaara had said it with such neutrality that she wasn't sure she heard right. "Eh?"

**Shriek! **

The 3 turned to stare at Kankurou...

"It wasn't me!" he quickly stammered before pointing at Karasu.

Skeptical looks appeared on everyone's face but Gaara's. The stoic look on his face never changed, although there was a slight twitch in the corner of his eye.

Everyone slowly turned back to the red-haired boy, dreading what he was going to say next.

"Make my babies." Gaara added, again without any change in tone or expression.

"Eh?" again Naruto didn't understand what Gaara had just asked.

**Oh my God! **

And yet again, one of the sand siblings assumed the worst.

When they turned to glare at him this time, Kankurou soundlessly flapped his mouth for a moment before pointing at his puppet again and turning away.

Before Gaara could crush his older brother for acting like a buffoon, Naruto spoke up.

"I can't make babies." she said a finger at the corner of her mouth as she looked skyward. She was trying and failing to figure out how it was done.

Kankurou gave a small prayer of thanks to whoever was watching out for him at this time before joining the others in gawking at the shorter blond girl. Was she really that naïve?

At their confused look, the blond girl bent down and started to pile dirt from the ground. After a couple minutes, what came out was a passable dirt replica of the baby she held yesterday.

"See?" she commented as she continued shaping the earth. "I tried but it's not evil and it doesn't squirm when you hold..."

It suddenly got dark. "...it?" Naruto looked up to see what was blocking sun.

"Eh? Temari? You look mad." the girl commented, pointing out the obvious. "Waah!" she suddenly cried as she was lifted into the air by her collar.

"Listen up blondie, that's not how you make babies!" the blond with the four ponytails angrily said as she hauled the shorter girl over to a convenient corner that was just out of boys' listening range.

"Really?" Naruto finally had a chance to ask when Temari let her go. Dusting the dirt off of her clothes, she stood up and looked curiously at the blond girl from Suna. "How do you make babies then?"

Some distance away, the two boys watched as Temari said something to the shorter blonde. The girl in uniform suddenly stiffened and a horrified look appeared on her face. When Temari rapped on the other girl's head to see if she was still listening, the naïve blonde let out a short shriek and dropped like a rock.

Temari dragged their tour guide back a moment later with a look of disgust. When the two looked down at the poor insensate girl, she was dead to the world and foaming at the mouth.

Gaara and Kankurou looked back up at their sister, silently prodding her for what she had said to the foxgirl.

"I only said, when a man marries a woman... She locked up right there, the weakling," Temari said as she gave the girl beneath her a light kick.

Gaara had a thoughtful look on his face. "Marry..."

-o-o-o-o-o-

Seeing how their tour guide was still out of it and they didn't have any water on hand...

Gaara concentrated on the prone girl. The other two looked on in confusion only to leap back in surprise as a large wave of sand flew from the gourd on his back and buried their guide.

Moments later, the mound of sand ejected a coughing body. Naruto gagged a few more times before she turned to glare at Gaara.

"Did you have to do that?" she growled.

"Yes," the sand shinobi replied in a brutally honest manner.

That brought her up short. "Oh. Well, uhh..."

Kankurou suddenly found himself covered by sand. He barely had time to let out a yelp.

The other two girls stared at Gaara in shock.

"Marry me," the container for the Ichibi deadpanned.

"..."

It was silent for the longest of moments.

A stray wind blew past the three

And then muffled moans started coming from the sand cocoon.

"I'm not marryin a guy yo!" Naruto finally shrieked.

Before any of the others could react, the former kyuubi container was off of the large pile of sand, twenty meters away, and making good on her escape.

Gaara smiled a feral grin and a sled of sand formed right under him. He immediately shot through the crowded streets. It wouldn't be long before he caught up. Especially because Naruto had to push her way through the rabble while Gaara just plowed through those who didn't leap aside in time.

It took several moments time before Temari recovered from the shock of seeing her brother making an official Suna marriage proposal. She immediately ran after the two. She didn't care what happened to the other blond, but she didn't want to lose her chance at sleeping in a real bed after days of camping in nature.

When the sand finally fell away from him, Kankurou let out a deep gasp before he looked around. "Uh...Bro? Sis?"

"Where'd everyone go?"

There was no reply.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

A lone pedestrian with a bushy tail and a pair of large ears on the top of her head stood in the middle of nowhere with absolutely no one else around. In short, she stuck out like a sore thumb and had absolutely zero chance of hiding from her pursuers. So when a maniacally grinning redheaded boy shot past on a sled without a second look, soon followed by a blond girl with a large fan on her back, something had to be wrong.

Naruto waited by the street lamp for a moment longer before she pulled off the fake moustache.

"Excuse me miss" came a voice from the left(1). Startled, Naruto threw out her arm in that direction only for it to be caught and held with a meaty thwack. Naruto warily turned to see what was holding her arm in place.

Temari had a strained smile on her face as she held the thin arm in a solid grip.

"Have you seen a short...," she started to ask before she trailed off as she saw the other girl's face. "You!" the taller blonde shouted as she thrust the smaller girl away.

"Yaah!" Naruto cried as she stumbled away. Turning to run, she suddenly found herself lying face first in the concrete with a giant unopened battle fan resting on her head. Pushing herself off of the ground to yell at the Suna kunoichi, she found herself in yet another headlock. Why was everyone putting her in a headlock these days?

"Listen girlie, I don't care how scary my brother is right now. I've been on the road for three days now and I would like nothing more than to have a nice soft bed..."

Naruto wasn't listening. Instead, she was crying as something else made itself known.

"Your armpits stink!" She cried as she tried to cover her nose. She obviously couldn't see the frown from her position, but when Temari squeezed down on her neck she knew that she had upset the older blonde in some way. "Gaah!" she cried before the pressure eased up slightly.

"You, are going to take me to a public bath then." Temari coldly said before pressing down once again.

"Aaaah, okay okay!" Naruto cried as she struggled to break free.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"This is the bathhouse?" Temari asked as she stepped out from the changing room with a large towel around her to hide her assets. She gazed at the large steaming pools filled with women happily chatting away about the day's happening. This was incredible, the bathhouses at Suna were far less extravagant due to the restrictions on water use, and she had been too busy training for the Chuuin exams to try this out before. She immediately made her way for the nearest pool.

"Yup." Naruto tiredly replied to thin air as she came out as well, wrapped in a towel that was far too large for her. Maybe a nice dip in the hot springs would make it easier for her to sleep tonight.

She suddenly noticed how quiet it had become.

A bucket fell to the ground.

"Uhh, hey, what's with the weird looks yo?" She asked curiously as she looked up.

"The pervert is trying to get in again!" Someone shouted.

"Get him!" someone else suddenly shouted.

Naruto turned to run.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Right outside, Jiraiya watched as the angry women dogpiled his student.

That wouldn't have been so bad if the brat didn't have a mouth that was worse than a sailor's when she was hopping mad. Unfortunately, there were women and children nearby, and the number of people after her blood doubled in a quarter of a minute.

"Oh ho! Good job gaki, this is excellent research material." he said as he furiously drew like his life depended on it. However, after pausing to look up from his notebook to peek through his spyglass once again, he saw something better than a young girl beating back the wolves with a wet towel and a string of profanity.

"Woah! Check out that blonde," he crowed victoriously. There was no need to worry about volume, the brat had that covered nicely.

"Well built, good proportions. Exotic looks," he continued listing the girl's good features.

"Now should I keep the four ponytails or go with the single one from that babe that's right next to her?" Jiraiya said as he tapped the pen against his chin. "I'll keep the four ponytails, since it's such a rare style it'll accentuate her exotic beauty. This is perfect!" he said as he put the finishing touches on his newest drawing.

"What are you doing?" a monotone voice asked from behind him.

Jiraiya turned, surprised that he was so engrossed in his research that he had let someone sneak up on him.

"Nothing brat, you're too young." the toad sennin said as he fumbled to hide his notebook. Which became rather hard to accomplish because the book wasn't in his hands anymore.

Gaara accepted the small notebook from a pile of sand. He flipped through the first few pages without any ounce of emotion.

Jiraiya was shocked to see someone could look upon such beauties with such seriousness. Could it be...this boy...?

"You draw alright," the redhead finally said as he held the notebook out to return it.

It must have been their height difference, or maybe Jiraiya's excitement over having his notebook back, but the notebook never changed hands. Instead it fell to the ground and opened to the last page that Jiraiya had drawn in. Gaara stared at the open notebook for the longest of moments.

"Ah, my best work yet," Jiraiya proudly proclaimed when he saw Gaara's impassive face finally twitch. So the brat did have women that he liked. At least, that was what Jiraiya was thinking before the notebook was promptly buried by a mound of sand. There was the sound of muffled tearing underneath.

He was outraged. This wasn't his life's work since he had filled several such notepads over the years with quality art, but to see his work treated so carelessly like that. "Brat, do you know how long it took me to collect those?"

Gaara just stared at the man. "That was my sister."

As he said this, a killing aura suddenly formed around him. A cloud of notebook fragments flew into the air as his sand ejected what was left of the notebook before swirling malevolently around the gourd carrier.

Jiraiya's anger quickly turned to fear. "Now now, let's not be hasty boy..." he said as he prepared to leap away.

"Die..." Gaara calmly said as he formed a series of hand seals.

**Quicksand in the Style of a Waterfall**

Sand immediately bubbled from beneath the earth as the gourd on his back disappeared. Soon, a giant tidal wave of sand suddenly rose up from behind the youngest of the Sand Trio. There was absolutely no leaping away from this, and moments later Jiraiya was swept away.

Next thing the women know, the wooden wall shielding them from public view collapsed when a large wave of sand proved too much for it to hold off.

The first thing on Temari's mind as she was pulled from the hotspring and swept away, demon container or not, she was going to kill her little brother after this. The second thing that went through her mind was that this wasn't going to help diplomatic relations much when the Hokage discovered just how the bathhouse was demolished.

The screaming finally stopped as the sand stopped flowing from out of nowhere and the women weren't jostled around like twigs in a wind. But when they dug themselves out, they were in for a horrible surprise.

"It's the other pervert!"

To the fortune of Sunagakure, this was a perfectly acceptable scapegoat. The fifty-year-old was sitting in the middle of what was left of the bathhouse as he dumbly gawked at all the women covered with only sand.

"Get him!" someone shouted. And the mob immdiately gathered around the old man as they prepared to do unspeakable things to the pervert.

Finally forgotten, a bruised and dirtied Naruto found herself slowly drifting away from the bathhouse atop a bed of sand.

For once, she added two and two and obtained four. To sum up, this was Gaara's doing and if she reached him she was going to die. In other words, her math was still a little off. (2)

It wasn't her fault though, she was still missing some important pieces of information.

In order to avoid dying before she could visit Ichiraku's for dinner, she leapt off of the solid platform and climbed her way over the sand dunes toward freedom.

Well, she tried. But the sand was soft, and her feet continued to sink in. She didn't think anything of it until her foot finally sank in and wouldn't come out. The same fate met with her other foot, and she soon tried everything she could to continue moving.

How stupid could she be? She finally asked as she smacked her forehead with a sandy palm. Sand was Gaara's medium. Of course he had the advantage here.

But she hadn't come to those last two conclusions yet because she had something else to occupy her. 'What a stupid move, smacking my forehead with sand covered hands,' she moaned as she tried to rub the grit out of her crystal clear sky-blues with arms covered with sand. If anything, she was making it worse.

She was finally able to make some headway toward being able to see again after clapping her hands several times to get rid of some of the grit before rubbing at her eyes again.

And when she could finally see again, she spotted a small mound of sand growing right in front of her. Soon, a dead animal broke out of the mound of sand. The fact that it had sand cascading down red fur didn't bother her one bit.

But the dead animal continued to rise out of the ground, and when it turned out to be connected to a head...

"Noooo!" Naruto screamed loudly as she started clawing desperately at the soft sand as Gaara started appearing before her.

Once his feet cleared the mound of sand, he took a step forward.

Naruto, finally realizing the futility of escape curled inwards and screamed as Gaara approached.

He finally stopped in front of her.

"Laugh." Gaara slowly said.

"Nooo...wha?" Naruto asked, wondering if she had heard wrong.

"Laugh." Gaara repeated.

"You were joking? Why didn't you say so earlier?" the girl demanded as all traces of her fear evaporated.

Gaara remained silent.

"So why were you here again?" Naruto asked, her blue eyes showing her confusion.

"Lead us to our hotel," came a tired voice from behind them. It was Temari wading tiredly through the sand with a bundle in her hands.

"What's this?" Naruto asked as said bundle was shoved into her hands.

Temari looked at her oddly. "You do realize you're not wearing anything right now?"

Given her current dress state, it was very easy to see Naruto's entire body turn red as she suddenly hugged the bundle to her chest and disappeared around a convenient corner.

-o-o-o-o-o-

"How about this hotel?" Naruto tiredly asked.

This wasn't the fiftieth one that she was showing them. It was the first, but for some inexplicable reason, the uniform that she was wearing made her feel sleepy.

"We'll take it," Gaara said without fanfare.

"Eh, that quickly?" she asked, the surprise evident on her face.

"Yes." Gaara and Temari both replied.

It took little time for Naruto to secure a room using the Hokage's voucher. Taking the keys from the man at the counter, she took them upstairs to show them to their room.

Once inside their hotel room, Temari stormed into the bathroom and shut the door. The shower could be heard running a few minutes later.

Naruto watched her go before she turned back to Gaara. "You have to put more energy into your voice. I never knew you were joking about the marriage until you told me dattebayo."

"Who said I was joking?" Gaara asked in a perfectly calm voice.

Naruto reared back as if struck. "Eh?!"

Naruto was suddenly aware that a layer of sand was forming over her feet again.

"I want you," the red haired boy said without an ounce of emotion.

The room's front door suddenly slammed shut.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Kankurou leapt back when shards of glass began landing all around him. Soon after, something larger nearly came down on top of him.

Blond, short hair, odd fox clothing, and rings around her eyes. He immediately recognized the girl crouching in front of him.

"Hey wait!" He shouted. He wanted to know where she took his older sister and younger brother.

The girl took one look at him before her eyes widened and she ran off screaming. The red pin-on tail on her bottom flailing wildly behind her as if reading her panic.

Kankurou watched her go before he looked up and gazed at the broken window on the third floor. Looking down again, he saw the word, 'Hotel' on a sign in front of the building. He walked in without a second thought.

-o-o-o-o-o-

The bathroom door opened slightly, allowing Temari to peek into the room.

"I heard the window shatter," she said before she curiously turned to see what Gaara was staring at. Shaking her head, she reentered the bathroom.

"That was not funny," Gaara commented as he stared at the hole in the window that Naruto had leapt from.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Omake! Ichi!

"You almost got me into trouble today Karasu." Kankurou said as he carefully cleaned out the puppet's arm.

"You were just as surprised as I was," the puppet shot back.

"Don't talk back to me!" the puppet wielding ninja ordered as he shook the wooden arm at the rest of the puppet.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Omake! Ni!

"Call!" Tsunade demanded.

"Full House!" Her opponent shouted as he set down 5 cards involving three kings and a pair of aces.

"Royal Flush!" Tsunade countered as she threw down her own hand.

Half the crowd suddenly collapsed while clutching their chest.

Instead of joyously reveling in her victory, Tsunade was staring worriedly at the front door. Perhaps it was time to return to the Hokage's Tower to see what bad thing was happening while she was away.

(3)

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

A/N:

(1) Subtle joke. Guys don't ask for directions, girls do.

(2) When you say four in Chinese, it's not just four. If you have it in the right context, it can also mean death. That's why 4 isn't a popular number in many asian societies. It was a pun, get it?

(3) She really was out gambling while Naruto was running away from the sand trio.

Don't know how far Sunagakure is...I think it's 3 days on foot, right?

Interference Character: Temari – she's tough, but she has a heart. She also looks out for number 1, so she's likely to bully Naruto.

Theme of the chapter? Looking Pretty. (Similarities?) The thing is, Naruto has dark circles around her eyes...and Gaara does too.


	9. Book 1: Sasuke

_She's short, she's flat, and she's got a temper to boot. But she's cute, and she can cook. Why not give her a second look? Ooo! Ouch...are you okay?_

The Trials of Uzumaki Naruto, Girl

by MingShun

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Author: "I am a lone wolf, Awhooo-gaaah! What the hell are you throwing bricks at me for?!"

Coauthor: "Disclaim and move!"

Author: "Fine fine, I don't own Naruto. I don't intend to make a profit off of it. Happy?"

Coauthor: "You forgot to add that this story is pretty dang good and that the majority of people who don't read it are mindless beasts with awful tastes."

Author: "Shh! We're disclaiming, not laughing at the bad stories and their readership."

Coauthor: "Slip it in anyway!"

Author: "Gaah! Shut up! You're going to get us killed!"

-o-o-o-o-o-

Words from the Author, Just Words:

Okay, just when you think things couldn't get any weirder. Heck, I almost swore that things should have died down a little. Then I got to Sasuke...it's not as funny, but I loaded a bunch of goodies in this important chapter.

I use metric units, not because I think it's cool, but because the Japanese use it. Besides, there are other countries that use this system of measurement.  
1 centimeter is less than an inch.

-o-o-o-o-o-

_Unlike the others, the sixth shadow appeared in front of the girl right when she snuck out of the gates._

"_Thought you could leave without me?" The shadow asked as it leaned cooly against a tree._

_She turned and glared fiercely at the one shrouded in darkness. "Go away Teme!"_

_He gave a helpless shrug. "Once you get this collar off of my neck."_

-o-o-o-o-o-  
**Chapter 8: Sasuke  
**-o-o-o-o-o-

"I hate being a girl," the blonde muttered as she wearily entered the Hokage's tower.

-o-o-o-o-o-

"You're on time for once," Tsunade said as she looked up from the paperwork with a grin. "Its good to see that you're looking better today."

Her smile twitched when there was no reply.

Shizune edged over before she lightly tapped Naruto on the shoulder. The blond girl immediately stopped staring at a blank section of wall above and slightly to the left of the Hokage.

When Naruto's eyes were firmly on her again, Tsunade started. "Now that you're finally with us again, I have a C rank mission for you brat," she said as she held out a scroll for Naruto to take.

Naruto quietly took the rolled parchment before her eyes widened. "C? Really?" she asked in disbelief, as some life returned to her. "Told you that you would regret keeping me on D-ranked missions," she said with a cocky grin.

"Don't flatter yourself, I ran out of nin," the Fifth cooly replied as she shuffled a few papers before leaning casually on her desk with one arm. The good cheer fell from Naruto's face.

"You can come in now," Tsunade shouted.

"Hokage-sama?" Tenten asked as she slid the door aside, stepped in, and bowed deeply.

"Normally I would assign someone of Chuuin rank to lead, however we have a shortage of nin right now so I don't have a choice. Tenten I designate you the leader," the blond woman said as she held up a hand to hold off any protests. She needn't have bothered, Naruto was staring quietly out the window.

"I-It's an honor," the girl with twin odangos in her hair stammered.

Naruto suddenly blinked before she turned to the older girl. "Eh? Who are you?"

Tenten looked oddly at the blonde girl. "You don't remember me? We participated in the Chuunin exams together Naruto."

Naruto thought about it for a moment before her face lit up, "You're Tsunade-bachaan in disg-!"

Tsunade calmly returned to her seat, her left fist smoking slightly.

"Umm, I'm Tenten," the newcomer said as she stared at the scene with wide eyes.

Naruto immediately leapt up with a hand rubbing the newest bump on her head. She pointed at the weapon's mistress with her other hand. "Now I remember! You're the bun gi-I mean, Tenten-san, hello!" Naruto quickly said as she pulled her pointing hand back as if she had just burnt it. The weapon's mistress was glaring menacingly at her, so it wasn't a big stretch.

Interestingly enough, Tsunade was turned away and asking Shizune something when the glare had occurred.

"Where's the rest of your team?" the blond girl asked curiously.

"Neji leaves the hospital tomorrow," Tsunade said without looking up from a mission scroll.

Tenten shuffled slightly before adding her piece. "Lee has been holed up in his room for a few days now. I've heard that you were the last one ta see him. D'ya know why he's blubbering bout babies?"

Miles away, a large gong suddenly appeared within a large red canyon. A man struck it with a large padded stick.

**Doooom**

When the scene returned, Naruto was huddling in a corner surrounded by Will o' the Wisps. She was shivering violently.

Tenten slowly turned to the Hokage with a skeptical expression on her face. "So this is my teammate?"

"I'm afraid so." Tsunade replied without batting an eye. "As you can see, she's been a bit useless lately."

The blond girl threw up her hands as a huge kunai suddenly seemed to stab her in the back. She fell forward and, with a bwat, numbly kissed the floor.

"So pick your final team member." The Fifth said, ignoring the younger blonde's antics as she held out a stack of folders.

Tenten picked up the topmost file.

"Kiba..." she quietly muttered.

Naruto suddenly pushed herself up and shouted "No!" at the corner.

Raising an eyebrow, Tenten put Kiba's file down before she picked up another. "Hmm...Chouji..."

"No boys no boys!" the blond girl chanted as she sat and hugged her knees. She rocked back and forth in the corner.

The two stare at the blonde girl for a moment before they turned back to the pile and made a decision. "That takes out a few choices," Tsunade commented as she found and pulled back two more files.

"Temari?" the girl with twin buns asked with a raised eyebrow when she saw the name on top of what was left. "She isn't a leaf nin in disguise is she?"

"You're right, she isn't. As a sign of Suna's cooperation with Konoha, they've agreed to lend their best group of genin to us for missions. Are you selecting Temari?" Tsunade asked curiously.

"No way!" the weapon's mistress said with a dark look on her face.

"Well, hurry up and decide then," the Hokage impatiently said.

The dark look disappeared. "Yes Hokage-sama!" Tenten shouted with a salute, her energy surprising everyone in the room.

Tenten quickly scrolled through the remaining profiles.

There were four to choose from:  
Sakura – **Range**: Average. **Melee**: Poor. **Genjutsu**: Average. **Ninjutsu**: Poor. _No combat specialties._  
Hinata – **Range**: Poor. **Melee**: Good. **Genjutsu**: Average. **Ninjutsu**: Poor. _Good at Melee._  
Ino – **Range**: Good. **Melee**: Poor. **Genjutsu**: Average. **Ninjutsu**: Average. _Good at Range._

Neji?

"Sorry, I missed one," The Hokage said with a neutral look as she pulled the folder from Tenten's hands.

Three to choose from.

Tenten quickly checked what her current team consisted of:  
Naruto – **Range**: Poor. **Melee**: Good. **Genjutsu**: Poor. **Ninjutsu**: Good. _Good at Melee and Ninjutsu_  
Tenten – **Range**: Excellent. **Melee**: Poor. **Genjutsu**: Poor. **Ninjutsu**: Average. _Excellent at Range_.

It wasn't much to work with. "In that case, I'll pick..."

"Sakura-chan!" piped a voice from the corner.

The two looked at the short blond that had a pleading look on her face. "Haruno-san?" Tsunade asked curiously turning back to the team leader.

Tenten nodded. "She'll fit. And Naruto has a history of working with her unlike the other two."she added.

"Very well then, we'll inform Naruto's teammate. Your mission begins in an hour. Dismissed."

Tenten immediately left the room.

"And where do you think you're going?" a voice demanded as the blond girl moved to follow the brown-haired one. Naruto turned around quietly to look at the speaker. She had a dull sleepy expression on her face.

Tsunade cracked her fist a few times with a giant grin on her face. After stretching in her seat, and failing to get a rise from the younger blond, she hmmed and pointed towards a set of black clothing that Shizune held in her hands.

Naruto's clear-blue eyes sharpened immediately. "No."

"This is the newest ninja suit design for Kunoichi's. You will wear it." Tsunade said, putting heavy emphasis on the last few words.

"Fine." the girl said irritatedly as she stepped forward and took the ninja suit. She stepped back and turned to look at the Hokage and her apprentice to ask them if she could leave yet.

Tsunade and Shizune's eyes were bugged out.

"Just like that?" Tsunade finally had the presence of mind to ask.

"I don't feel like fighting today," the ex-container quietly said before her eyes suddenly widened and she fell backwards onto the floor.

Tsunade pulled her hand back from the startled girl's forehead. Climbing back over her desk, she looked at her assistant before reporting, "no fever." Shizune nodded, a pensive look on her face.

An evil grin suddenly appeared on the Hokage's face as she sat back down in her seat. "Well, if she's in such a nice mood, why don't we have her wear that?"

Off to the side, a chill raced up the short blonde's spine. "What?" Naruto asked as her eyes widened.

Shizune looked confused for a moment before comprehension dawned on her face. A determined look appeared on her face as she turned to a large bag that Tonton was sitting next to. Tonton immediately leapt out of the way and Shizune started rummaging through the contents of the large bag. She stopped for a brief moment before she withdrew her hands. Cupped within her hands was something extremely...flowery.

In moments, Naruto's eyes were the size of dinner plates. Letting out a brief cry, she ran for the exit only to leap back as several kunai embedded themselves in the wood. Naruto turned and backed away warily as Shizune slowly approached with a large innocent smile.

"You will look nice with this," the older kunoichi reassuringly said.

"N-n-nooo!" Naruto screamed before she swiveled around and punched the sliding door with everything that she had. Someone on the other side gave a shout as papers flew into the air when the door suddenly fell right on him. Naruto immediately jumped over the fallen door and ran for it.

"Naruto-kun! Wait" Shizune shouted. She stepped on the door several times as she raced after the younger girl, eliciting cries of pain from underneath.

Tsunade watched all of this happen with a touch of disdain. The flower in the hair wasn't quite what she had in mind. Sure it would look nice but...she opened a drawer in her desk and pulled out a large cat's bell.

This would look so much better on Naruto!

Then she sighed depressedly as she set the ting-a-linging object aside. Blasted appearances. If she wasn't the Hokage, she'd help her apprentice corner the brat. They could share the spoils of their victory then. She paused to think...a flower and a bell.

She shivered slightly before a vicious smirk appeared on her face. Naruto-chan would look dangerously cute.

Sighing, she looked at the stack of papers right next to her. Sighing again, she reached for the next sheet of paperwork and pulled it in front of her to read. Her eyes slowly closed as she stared at the first line...

...soon Tsunade was sleeping on a funding request from the orphanages of Konoha. Something about lining the caretaker's pockets with more money. Close enough anyway. Whatever the real reason was, she was covering it with drool so it probably wasn't important.

Underneath the fallen door, someone was moaning in pain as several busy officeworkers impatiently crossed as they tried to keep up with their workload. Hey, the aid shouldn't have had a door fall on him in a busy hallway.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Naruto slowly staggered out of the Hokage Tower.

A figure hidden in the shadows chose that moment to pounce, and Naruto soon had a pair of arms around her neck as she was hugged tightly.

"I finally get ta meet Tsunade-sama," Tenten, said from behind the blond girl. "I thought I was goin ta be sick!" the girl said as the stars in her eyes continued to twinkle.

A disgruntled look appeared on Naruto's face. "Tsunade-baba? She isn't much," she loudly said.

**Bonk**

"Ite!" the blond girl cried as she huddled near the ground as yet another bump appeared on her head.

Tenten had a shocked look on her face as she vigorously shook her hand. This girl had a hard head! Speaking of which, her eyes narrowed as she suddenly remembered something.

"What are you wearin today?" she asked as she looked down at the blonde.

Naruto stopped nursing her newest bruise to glare at the ground. "The old-," she suddenly looked up when a spike of killing intent struck her. She saw Tenten's narrowed eyes, "I mean, Hokage-sama said that it was a ninja suit."

"I'm not sure if you can call that a dress," the girl with twin odangos muttered.

"What?" Naruto asked looking up curiously at the older girl.

"It's popular news among the others, you have a different dress each day and they're starting ta take bets on what you'll be wearin tomorrow," Tenten helpfully supplied.

"Eh?! Then put me down for orange jumpsuit tomorrow," the blond girl cheerfully said, wanting to join in on the fun.

"You can't join sil...ly?" Tenten stopped speaking to stare curiously at the blonde's head. "Is that a flower hairpin in your hair?"

"No!" the neo-girl vehemently shouted. The great Naruto Uzumaki wearing something as girly as a flower in heerrrrr-is! His hair!

The brunette grinned and held out her hand. "Well take it out and give it ta me then. I'd like ta be wrong at these guessing games for once."

"..." Naruto stared speechlessly at the older girl.

"Well, are ya goin ta?" Tenten asked impatiently with her hand still out and ready to receive the hair accessory.

"No!" the blond girl stubbornly shouted.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Tenten was called back up to the Hokage's office for a few last minute details, leaving Naruto to wait alone outside of the tower. Without her whisker marks, the random crowd paid her no attention. Since an empty section of the wall was currently occupying her attention again, it was safe to say that she didn't care.

Someone approached the blond girl from behind. "Naruto, I heard we had a mission toge-oh...my...god! Is that the latest in Kunoichi mission fashion that you're wearing? You're so lucky! How did you get it? You'll let me borrow that right?" Sakura spoke without breathing as she looked at the suit from all directions before she grabbed the blonde by the shoulders and shook her wildly.

Naruto's trance ended right when the hands landed on her shoulder. She didn't have time to say anything before the shaking started. And once it began, it was so violent that she wasn't able to say or do a thing. With her head flying back and forth like that though, it could be taken as a nod.

Which was why Sakura stopped shaking the girl as she shut her eyes and bent backwards slightly in a 'this is so awesome' pose. "Chaaa, I can't wait to show Ino-pig! She'll be so jealous!"

"Hey hey hey!" Naruto suddenly shrieked.

The pink-haired girl paused as she looked at the blond. "Can't I borrow it now Naruto-chan?" Sakura pleaded.

"I'm still wearing it Sakura-chan!" the blond shouted as she struggled to stay out of her birthday suit.

Sakura was suddenly shoved aside as Naruto was swept into another large hug. "I met Tsunade-sama...again! How lucky am I ta see her more than once in my lifetime?"

"Eh...I see the hag 3 times everyday," the blond girl boredly mumbled into the older girl's shoulder. She was suddenly hauled into the air.

"Eh?!" The blonde yelled as she sounded her surprise.

And Tenten used that as her cue to speak. "When we get back, you will be my training partner," she said with a twitching eyebrow and a large scary grin.

"Uhh, okay Tenten-chan. Can you let me down now?" the struggling girl asked.

"You misunderstand. You will be my TRAINING partner," the weapon's mistress repeated.

"I already said yes!" the blond girl said as she tried to break free from Tenten's grip.

Tenten looked helplessly at Sakura with a 'how stupid is he' look?

Sakura stopped gaping to say "she...actually."

Tenten gave her another look that said, 'Hahaha. Tell me another one.'

Sakura covered her face with her hands. She started to shake. The two watched her worriedly before they realized that the pink haired girl was laughing. "Hahaha, It's true. You have the world's first boneheaded girl in your hands.

"Hey!" Naruto shouted in outrage.

"Too bad you can't fix the problem the same way would with a boy," Sakura said with a large smirk.

The weapon's mistress made a thoughtful sound. "Well, it's a good thing I don't use the normal way ta fix this then." Tenten said as she suddenly threw the blond to the ground.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Neji suddenly shivered in his hospital bed. He said a quick prayer for whatever boy Tenten was harassing this time.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Naruto found herself hanging upside down from a tree, half a kilometer away from Tsunade's prison, with a rope tied around her ankle.

"Now then blondie. Since you're so thick that you don't understand, I'll haveta show ya what I mean when I say training."

Naruto shrieked as she swung out of the way of a horrendously fast kunai.

"You almost hit me!" she complained.

"That's the idea. I practice my aim and you practice your dodging," Tenten said in a matter-of-fact voice.

"What?!" Naruto shouted as she flailed her arms wildly and struggled to pull herself up so that she could pull her ankle out of the rope and run for it.

"Here goes." Tenten said as she reared back and threw without aiming, counting on her 100 percent accuracy to finish the job.

Naruto shrieked as she flung herself out of the way of the kunai. It missed her waist by centimeters. Incidentally, she lost her grip on her ankle and fell upside down again. Thankfully, her suit was skintight, so she didn't have to deal with the bottom of her shirt flipping over her head like a T-shirt would.

"Oh, you're gooood." Tenten complimented as she pulled out a scroll. One with many many weapons contained within. It wasn't her best weapon scroll, but she wanted to see how the blond would fare against it.

"Sakura-chan! Help! She's trying to kill me!" Naruto cried.

The pink-haired girl stepped forward. "Hey...Tenten..." she said quietly as she put a hand on the older girl's shoulder.

Tenten immediately put away the scroll as she turned to look at Sakura. She must have known what Sakura intended to do because there was a large rope in her hands.

"Yes?" the weapon's mistress asked as she started to tie a few knots while looking the pink-haired girl up and down.

"O-Oh! Nothing. Nothing at all," Sakura said with a weak smile as she turned around.

Naruto flailed wildly again. "Eh?! Where are you going Sakura-chan! Save me! I'll even give you my clothes right now!"

"Hahaha, you're so funny Naruto. Hey, listen. I'll go ahead and wait for you at the front gate. Come over when you're ready," Sakura said with a nervous chuckle before continuing her hurried walk away.

Just before the trees hid her from view, there was a poof as a log suddenly replaced her.

"So what was your answer again?" Tenten asked as she turned back to the blonde and carelessly tossed the knotted rope aside before pulling out a triplet of kunai.

"No!" Naruto shouted before she squealed and swung herself to the side. Of the three kunai, only one managed to get close enough to put a small hole in the girl's skin-tight pants.

"Wow! You're really good at this. Now you HAVETA be my training partner!" Tenten excitedly said before she pulled out a throwing knife and flipped it so that she was now holding the blade between her fingers.

"Never!" Naruto shouted as she pulled a kunai from her holster and defiantly swung at the rope around her ankle not caring if she missed and took her foot instead.

But then there was a crack and Naruto yelped as she bounced and missed BOTH, the rope and her ankle, completely. She had no time to make a fuss about the miss because the branch holding her up chose that moment to break in half.

Both girls watched in surprise when the branch, unsurprisingly, could not escape gravity.

The blond was soon doubled over as the heavy pole of wood landed right on her stomach.

"Naruto!" Tenten shouted as she ran up to the limp blond girl she bent down to pick up an end of the branch.

The shorter girl gave a small moan.

Tenten blinked as she paused. "What?"

"Yes." Naruto moaned again.

A confused look overcame the brown-haired girl's face. "Yes?"

"Yes. I'll train with you dattebayo!" the girl said with an angry glare. Get the stupid branch off of her!

Tenten looked away, embarrassed. "I was just kiddin about that actually..."

-o-o-o-o-o-

The mission wasn't terribly difficult. Patrol the western border of Konoha. Report back immediately if there were any signs of suspicious activity. Because of their low rank, unless there was no choice, avoid engaging the enemy. It was a boring job, so one girl soon broke protocol to chat amiably with her teammates.

Naruto and Sakura shivered and hugged each other tightly as they listened to Tenten's description of her latest technique idea.

"I'm telling you, if you want to catch a guy ya need ta learn ta cook. And lemme tell ya, a su-fu-ray would be perfect. It's light and fluffy and easy ta make! But how do we go about making a su-fu-ray? It's a mystery! I've looked in every single cookbook that I could find, but none of em have the recipe."

There was no reply as the other two looked at her in confusion and fear.

"Eh, who am I kidding, you two probably don't know how ta cook," Tenten said with a careless shrug.

That rankled her, and Naruto let go of her teammate to shout. "Hey! I can cook just fine!"

"Really? Oh! That's right. Ramen?" Tenten asked as she recalled a rumor that she had heard about Naruto.

The blonde grinned and nodded. "Of course! It's the food of the gods yo!"

"No it isn't." Sakura suddenly shouted.

"Is too dattebayo!"

"Is not!"

"You're just angry that you can't boil water."

"Can too!"

"Take a quarter liter of water and put into a large pot that's about 3 liters large. Place pot over a roaring fire and wait..." Naruto recited from off the top of her head.

"Iya! No more, no more!" Sakura suddenly shouted as she covered her ears and looked around nervously.

Tenten looked impressed. "Is that how it's done? You know so much about cooking Naru-chan! Have you got a man in mind yet?"

"What?!" Naruto asked as fear overwhelmed her righteous expression.

"The way ta a man's heart is through his stomach," Tenten recalled. "You can cook, so you can easily catch whoever ya want!" She sighed as a dreamy look appeared on her face, "must be nice..."

"I don't wanna catch a man!"

Tenten perked up when she heard this. "Don't worry! I'll find a man that even you can't say no ta!"

Naruto opened her mouth to respond when the three were suddenly engulfed in darkness.

"What's going on?" Sakura's voice asked for all three of them. It echoed around in the darkness.

And then they heard it. "Dobe," echoed through the inky blackness.

"Sasuke!" Naruto and Sakura shouted.

"Wait!" Tenten ordered, "don't move!" she immediately reached forward and caught someone's arm. However, the sound of pattering feet indicated that someone else was running away. She dearly hoped it was the one responsible for this darkness.

Her hopes were dashed when Naruto let out a shout. "Sasuke, where are you Teme?!" Her voice faded as she became more distant

Tenten bit her lip as she felt around and cautiously made her way after her wayward teammate. She kept a firm grip on Sakura's arm, not wanting anymore of her group to wander off.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Naruto snapped awake.

"What happened?" she asked to nobody.

"You tell me," growled an unknown voice. Naruto immediately turned to look at the speaker.

She found a red haired man with red eyes leaning against the tree with a red cape ruffling dramatically behind him. She blinked her eyes rapidly before she rubbed them hard. No, there was definitely a spiked collar with a red band and clothing as red as the other things. The sheer amount of red hurt! If it weren't for his black gloves and large black fox ears, she would have been forced to hurt him after blindfolding-

Wait...large black fox ears?

A gust of wind suddenly caused the man's cape to flap dramatically. She blinked again when she saw a bunch of red bushy tail underneath with a white tip on the ends.

"Eh?! You!" the girl shouted as she stood and pointed.

He looked curiously at her.

"Are you..." the girl started to shout before her voice faded and her finger fell. She looked downward in thought. After a minute, her head suddenly snapped up and she pointed again.

He looked expectantly at her.

"Are you..." a confused expression appeared on her face and her finger fell once again as she looked down and glared at the ground, as if blaming it for her loss of memory. Her head finally snapped up again.

The man was still waiting.

"Who are you?!" the girl shouted as she hugged herself and shrunk back.

The man fell over. Pulling himself to his feet, he sighed before a dramatic wind ruffled his cape and hair. "I used to be the lord of demons. I have slaughtered many, destroyed even more. In my prime, my head rose above the clouds..." the man said with a low melodious tone of voice. He looked up to see if the girl was still paying attention.

The girl was staring blankly at a large but rather bland-looking rock that was nearby.

"Dammit girl," the man said as he reached forward to shake her.

Right before he touched her, the girl blinked before she leapt back. "I'm sorry!" she yelped, "I wasn't listening. Who were you again?"

"Fool, I'm the demon fox that terrorized your puny village twelve years ago!"

She continued to stare blankly at him. Not understanding. Gritting his teeth, he opened his mouth to shout "Kyu-"

"Wait wait, I know who you are now!" " the blond girl said as she held a small hand in front of his face. "let's see...demon fox...twelve years ago...I'm twelve now so it had to have happened the same year I was born. Twelve years ago the demon fox attacked my village..." she suddenly looked up.

The fox man eagerly awaited her answer.

"You're the old hag in disguise!" the blonde shouted loudly.

She was suddenly screaming when the man grabbed her in a headlock and started punching her on the top of her head.

"It's Kyuubi you idiotic monkey. Kyuu-bi!" After several knocks, the man stopped relieving his stress and let her go. He quickly shook his hand behind his back.

"Are you really the Kyuubi?"

The man shrugged. "Not really. I'm all that managed to escape from that deathtrap in your stomach. And even then, Kyubi wasn't my real name. But to make it simple for you monkeys, it will have to do."

"So you are...the fox?"

"Yes," the man breathed out in annoyance.

Naruto suddenly glared angrily. "Get lost teme, I never want to see you again!"

"Do you think I want to? I can't brat." he suddenly reached up and pulled his neckpiece forward to show her, "This collar binds me to you."

"Take it off then!" Naruto huffed.

"Don't you think that I've tried?" the man asked. "The only way for me to get it off is for you to pull it off."

"..." Naruto gaped speechlessly at the man.

"Well, aren't you going to take it off?"

"No way!" the girl shouted as she crossed her arms and glared stubbornly at him.

-o-o-o-o-o-

The two stopped glaring at each other when Naruto suddenly turned to the side. Kyuubi looked but didn't see anything.

"Come out where I can see you!" Naruto suddenly shouted as she pointed her Kunai at a random tree trunk.

Clapping was heard as a raven haired boy stepped out from behind the tree. "Che. So you saw me."

Kyuubi's eyes widened, "illu-" he started to say.

"Sasuke!" Naruto shouted as the kunai twirled angrily in her grip. She tensed up and prepared to charge.

The Uchiha turned to her disinterestedly. "Who are you, weakling?"

Naruto paused in surprise before she straightened up. "Naruto!"

"Naruto? Hmm. You're rather ugly now." The black-haired boy calmly said.

"Because of you, I'm a girl now!" she cried as her grip tightened around her kunai and she bent over to punch the ground.

"What?" Sasuke asked, his eyes widening. He looked the girl over carefully before he took a step forward and looked at the red haired man sitting on a stump near her. "I'll be taking the loser."

"Go ahead." Kyuubi said as he pulled out a rope from nowhere.

"Eh? Kyuubi you -beep beep-" Naruto roared as she suddenly found herself bound tightly and unable to move.

Sasuke was brave. He was very brave. The profanity coming from the blond's mouth that could corrupt children and make the fox next to her shrink back in fear wasn't enough to stop him from coming closer. He paused in front of the bound girl before he brought his face forward. "Dobe."

"Nooo, get away!" Naruto shrieked.

"You're mine," he whispered, his nose practically touching hers. Sasuke suddenly cracked like a rock breaking a mirror. Before anyone could react, he shattered. A strong wind suddenly kicked up and blew away the broken fragments.

The red-haired man laughed uproariously as the fragments faded away, "Hahaha brat. You fell for an illusion! You monkeys are so dumb sometimes. It looked so fake that even a pigeon wouldn't have crapped on it."

There was no reply.

The smirk dropped off of the fox's face. "Brat?"

Naruto limply fell over.

Now then. The fox was fast. Very fast. He was also plenty close enough. So why did he just stand there and watch her fall?

Demons don't do chivalrous.

-o-o-o-o-o-

He growled as he scanned his surroundings. He hated being wrong. It was embarrassing as hell. There. That tree. He leapt for it.

-BEEP- the loud curse ripped through the air, causing several birds to fly leap from the trees in fright. On a somewhat related note, Tsunade poured a saucer of sake without spilling it, indicating that the loud shout didn't quite reach the tower.

Kyuubi returned to his first spot several moments later where he froze and stared at the spot where the brat's body was supposed to be. It was gone. He had been tricked again and now he was pissed beyond belief. Sniffing the air, he immediately leapt forward.

Minutes later, the fox struck. With one great leap, he swung his foot and kicked the missing-nin in the back of the head.

Naruto's body flew limply through the air as the man holding her lost his grip. Without anyone to keep her above the branches, she descended rapidly before landing in a convenient bush. There were no loud curses from being manhandled like that, she was still unconscious.

The missing-nin used his freed hands to acrobatically grab onto a branch and swing around. The result of this action was that his feet landed heavily on the branch he was grasping onto

"Who-who are you?" the man with Kumo's forehead protector demanded fearfully.

Kyuubi landed on the same branch right after the man said this. He grinned when he saw his victim shrink back. Releasing a giant aura of killing intent to freeze the man in place, he slowly took a step forward.

"Your worst nightmare." he rumbled as he placed a hand on his hilt. Using his other hand to brace the sheath, he pulled

**Chink...**

The two stopped staring at each other to look down at the sword in the fox-man's grip. Instead of coming out in one smooth flowing motion, the sword remained in the sheath and refused to budge. It was stuck!

Muttering something that sounded like 'stupid legendary sword' and 'getting sword training after this,' the man in red pushed the sword back into the hilt and tried to pull it out once more.

**Chink. **

"Die!" the missing-nin shouted as he took advantage of the situation and thrust forward with a dagger.

**Chink.**

"Goddammit!" Kyuubi cried as he stopped trying to pull out the sword in favor of ripping the sheath off of his belt and swinging it like a bat.

Specks of spit flew from the cloud nin's mouth as he crumpled forward when the sheath swung forward at an impossibly fast speed and struck him in the gut. And then Newton's third law of motion came into play as the missing-nin went soaring backwards. Gravity soon took over and he descended towards the ground as the world turned black.

The fox wiped his face in disgust before leaping after the body.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Tenten and Sakura finally entered the clearing.

"Naruto!" they both shouted when they saw the small body emtangled in the large bush. They worked together to pull her out.

Once the ramen lover was free, they raced her back to Konoha. The urgency was so dire that no one stopped them at the gates.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Hidden by the shadows, Kyuubi leaned against a thick tree trunk as he watched the two girls work to free the yellow haired one.

When they finally disappeared, he looked down. "Now then, you will tell me what you did to the brat, punk," he said as he ground his foot into the man's chest.

The unconscious beat-up nin beneath him obviously said nothing. (2)

-o-o-o-o-o-

Shizune sat next to the bed, reading up on a new fashion trends, then looking at the pale girl to her side. She was just reading looking over a popular new sleeveless style that was both modest and immodest when a hoarse voice filled the silence.

"Where...am I?"

Shizune was soon out of the room and dashing down the hallway shouting, "Tsunade-sama, she's awake!"

-o-o-o-o-o-

The doorframe cracked as Tsunade almost ran by the room before she caught herself. She pulled herself into Naruto's room and gasped.

Glazed blue eyes stared quietly at her, the only hint of life in them was a dim spark that was struggling to stay alive.

-o-o-o-o-o-

In Orochimaru's village, Sasuke meditated, completely unaware of current happenings in Konoha.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Omake! Ichi!

Skuld stopped to stare at an odd fish squirming on ice. She was walking away soon after, a bored look on her face. She'd seen weirder.

The large wish-granting goldfish cried as it watched its potential savior leave without a second thought.

Then, a giant knife suddenly flashed menacingly above it.

"Noo! I'll grant you a real wish if you let me go," it flopped and begged.

"No more wishes," the burly fisherman shouted as he grabbed the tail of the helpless fish and threw it upon the chopping block. The knife came down...

...and went thunk as it embedded itself in the chopping block. But the fish wasn't there anymore.

"Fishy-san!" a small child shouted as he dug a long trench through the earth as he dragged the fish away with a hand on the fish's tailfin and the rest of the fish's tail held securely under his arm. The fact that he could accomplish this feat when the fish was easily twice his size was the weird part.

The fisherman shouted angrily as he chased after the boy with his knife upraised and gleaming wildly in the sun. However, the crowd wasn't going to let a man run through the streets with a knife in the air. Several members shouted loudly, and soon the fisherman was dogpiled by a team of patrol nin dressed in heavy padding and helmets. They made it their mission to protect the citizens of Konoha from butchers with killing intent.

"My wish has been granted," the fish tearfully cried before it yelped in pain as its head struck a rock. This happened several more times before it was rather hard to tell whether the fish was crying from happiness or pain.

The moral of the story? _If it's random, it fits anywhere. That, or the author is a twit. Since I'm the author and I don't like being called a twit, I blame my coauthor. Hey!_

-o-o-o-o-o-

Character Sheet

**Tenten  
**I gave Tenten an accent. When she speaks slowly, everything comes out clearly except for 'to.' When she says things quickly:  
'to' becomes 'ta'  
some '-ing' words become '-in'  
some 'you' become 'ya'  
There are some other shortenings. 

Keep in mind that I didn't give Tenten a southern accent. It just sorta sounds like it from time to time. She's a casual, friendly speaker.

Did you know? Tenten wasn't joking when she said that she was good at games requiring guessing.

**Kyuubi  
**Kyuubi is also not quite right. If you really must know, I designed him based on Orphen. In other words, he's a reluctant hero. The only one he'll really protect is Naruto. He's good at detecting Illusions. He's also good at fighting. Strong and Fast, he brawls but he has the physical attributes to back it up.

Did you know? When referring to mankind, he'll use the term monkey.  
Did you know? Many many years of living and Kyuubi can't use a sword to save his life.

Special note: There is only one Kyuubi. The redheaded woman in Lee's chapter is thus not Kyuubi. And no, that soaking-wet girl hollering about stinking wet countries is not my coauthor.

**Sakura  
**The one character who I can't pin down. She's uh...the bad but not bad guy. I guess you could say she's the most normal girl.

Did you know? Ino isn't the only one that keeps up with the latest trends.

**Naruto  
**Our protagonist who has tons of misfortune heaped upon her.  
Silly and naïve  
Cute  
Master Cook  
The list goes on and I don't feel like typing it up right now.

Did you know? Naruto doesn't actually have Dodos floating around her brain. She's smart but her brain works rather differently from others.

Explanations

(2) Kyuubi's ignorance over the states of consciousness was excusable. After all, demons were well known for destroying things in millions of different and bloody ways. Not rendering their victims unconscious.

Acknowledgements:

Thanks to **Sakura Lisel** for pointing out Fifth to Sixth Typos. I totally meant to do it. The fact that I changed it means nothing!

Thanks to **arielrocks** for pointing out a problem with Sasuke kissing Naruto. It just didn't work, so I came up with something better.

Thanks to **Andrew Joshua Talon** for pointing out that I have two Kyuubis romping around my story. I completely forgot about the one in chapter 6 although...she's not Kyuubi, she even says so herself. Blah, I have a fix for it, but you won't see it next chapter. Needless to say, I've added a comment to the end of Kyuubi's profile.


	10. Book 1: Neji

_She's short, she's flat, and she's got a temper to boot. But she's cute, and she can cook. Why not give her a second look? Ooo! Ouch...are you okay?_

The Trials of Uzumaki Naruto, Girl

by MingShun

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

A girl stares down at the newest draft of the chapter. "I don't get it. How do you manage to write such crazy fight scenes when you had no experience writing action whatsoever."

"...Beginner's Luck?" the author replies as he shuffles nervously.

The girl stares at him for a moment before her eyes narrow slightly. "What's that behind your back?"

"Nothing!" the boy defended.

"Gimme that!"

"No! Don't look!"

"Writing Fight Scenes for...Dummies: Ultimate Edition for Those Dum-Dums That Just Don't Get It."

"Hey! I'd like to see you try writing one without it."

"Okay..." the coauthor deadpanned.

The author turned to the screen. "Naruto does not belong to me or the useless girl next to me. We're just borrowing the characters and the scenery for another fun story."

The useless girl sighed. "There you go again, talking to thin air..."

"There are people there! Don't you see them?"

She squinted slightly, "Let me see..." Her eyes suddenly widen and she gasps. "I think, I think..."

"Yes?"

"...I think you're an idiot. Seriously. The phone book is by the phone. You know what those are right?"

"Gaah!"

-o-o-o-o-o-

_The 7__th__ shadow followed because he was interested in how inspirational yet human the blond could be. He wanted to see more!_

_Actually, her free nature drew him to her. And she was sort of cute. _

_His distracted thoughts proved to be his undoing when he failed to notice a strange odor in the air. His eyes grew heavy and he soon laid down to take a nap. Once the odor faded away, a new shadow stole forward. She was the 8__th__ one._

-o-o-o-o-o-  
**Chapter 9: Neji  
**-o-o-o-o-o-

Naruto woke up. She turned to the right and saw a familiar face sitting right next to her.

"Sasuke!" she shouted as she tried to move, however she soon discovered that she was tied up tight. "You bastard! Let me go!"

**Shing! **

That was the sound of a kunai coming out from its holster. It glinted madly under the dim light.

"You know, uh, I was just kidding. You can keep me tied up...put the kunai away please?" Naruto asked with a weak chuckle. Of course she wasn't pleading.

Instead of listening, the raven haired boy swung downwards. There was a shrill scream.

From down in the dungeons. It was actually too faint to hear but just because no one was around to hear it doesn't mean there wasn't a scream.

There was also a tearing sound. This sound was closer to the scene and far less hair-raising. It was made by a kunai slicing through the ropes that bound Naruto in place. They fell away from the terrified girl.

"Umm...thanks," Naruto said gratefully when she finally started moving again. She rubbed her arms to restore circulation. "Where am I?"

"Otogakure," came the short reply.

"Eh?" Naruto cried.

"This is my room" Sasuke continued before he stood up. "Dobe. I'm going to change you back to a guy."

"Eh?" Naruto unintelligibly repeated. However there was a tone of hope in her voice.

Instead of explaining, Sasuke snapped his fingers and a large plume of smoke erupted in the spot where Naruto stood, concealing her completely from view.

When the smoke cleared, Naruto appeared a bit taller and far less delicate.

"..."

The blond quickly checked himself over before he looked up happily. "Sasuke! I knew you could do it! I'm going to cook dinner for you as thanks! Where's the kitchen?"

Sasuke wordlessly pointed out of the room, and Naruto dashed out.

It took him little time to be acquainted with the rather dimly lit kitchen. It looked sinister and evil, but the ingredients that he found were very fresh. Almost like they were just picked.

As Naruto hummed happily at a kitchen counter, a shadow slowly crept up behind him.

_The scene suddenly goes black._

"_Sasuke! What are you-No! That can't go in there!"_

"_Aiieeeeee..." _

The bed creaked loudly as a blond girl sat up with a gasp.

As she sat there in the darkness panting heavily as she put a hand to her sweat-covered forehead while the other one tightly clutched her blanket for comfort.

The same nightmare for the past three days...the last thing that she could remember was Sasuke tossing sliced eggplant into the large bubbling pot. The soup was ruined before she had a chance to try it.

"Sasuke...baka." she quietly whispered as her hand fell into her lap and her bangs shadowed her face.

-o-o-o-o-o-

(3 days earlier)

"Nightmare Jutsu," the cloud-nin finally groaned out before he was suddenly hauled into the air and thrown into a clearing.

Kyuubi ran off.

Moments later, a Konoha patrol happened upon the beaten man.

"Look, a missing nin!" one member of the patrol shouted.

"Way to state the obvious, Bazo," another group member said as they promptly tied up the criminal and returned back to Konoha...after they finished their patrol route.

In other words, if they found themselves in a spot of trouble, they could always throw their prisoner into the line of fire. If their prisoner somehow managed to survive their return trip to Konoha, then they could deliver him to intelligence for interrogation.

Kyuubi tended to be a bit cruel when he was stressed.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Neji stood in front of the Hokage with a stern look on his face as he waited patiently. Inwardly, he was confused. He was just out of the hospital and there was a mission already available for him?

"Your mission was originally a D rank, but given the number of failures, I believe it should be an S rank mission." Tsunade said as she sat up slightly and shuffled a stack of papers before she leaned forward again to continue. "However, C rank is the best I can designate it because the mission itself will not take place outside of our village's borders."

Neji nodded, he understood so far.

"You will have to accomplish this mission solo. I would have sent your team to accompany you, but Tenten-san and Lee-san are currently out of action. As for having another team to help out, there isn't enough time for you to develop teamwork with them. Interference from the others would unnecessarily complicate this mission."

"Yes Hokage-sama," Neji replied.

"I'll be brief, your mission is to get Naruto out of her apartment."

Neji blinked in confusion. "Retrieve Naruto from HER apartment?" He rephrased slightly, asking for clarification on the odd mission and Naruto's odd gender.

Instead of answering, Tsunade fixed him with a glare before saying, "Don't interrupt."

Neji remained silent, allowing Tsunade to continue with, "Neji, I'm counting on you to succeed." she said as she slid a folder forward for him to take.

The Hyuuga prodigy paused before he picked it up and briefly scrolled through it. Five teams sent out, all failed. 3 genin teams, 2 chuunin. Every one of them returned alive but with injuries ranging from mild to severe. The Fifth really wasn't joking.

He looked up. "Why me?"

"None of the teams that I sent out before had a member that possessed the Byakugan. All they could tell me was that they couldn't find Naruto and that a red blur attacked them while they searched. With your bloodline, you should be able to discover where Naruto is hiding as well as identify what the red blur is," Tsunade replied as she subtly closed a half-open drawer. No, she wasn't trying to hide a dart-board with several profile pictures pasted on the front.

Her subtle motion wasn't lost on the young Hyuuga. He looked skeptically at the blond woman. Naruto was probably late for a meeting and the Hokage needed someone to wake him up. He straightened up and asked, "Permission to leave?"

"Not just yet," Tsunade said as she held something up.

"..." Neji gazed at it impassively for a moment before he turned and walked out with a scowl on his face.

Tsunade set down the nurse outfit. Granted it wasn't sized for him...but...

-o-o-o-o-o-

There was a click, and then a door swung in.

Neji stepped into the living room and walked towards a closed door without hesitating. He quickly unlocked it and stepped into the bedroom. There was a lump on the bed hidden beneath the blankets.

"Naruto, get up." Neji demanded.

When there was no reply, he repeated it again before he impatiently stepped up to the lump.

"Get up," Neji irritatedly said a third time as he pulled the covers off. His eyes widened when all he found was a pillow. He irritatedly formed several hand seals.

Byakugan!

Looking around the room, Neji immediately realized that she wasn't on this floor, nor on the floor above him. He looked downwards. There was someone hiding down one. SHE was the only occupant in this entire apartment. Maybe the girl knew where Naruto was hiding.

He stood up and started to walk out, only to leap back as a foot almost took his head off.

"Who are you?" Neji growled at the newcomer.

"Kyuubi no Yoko," the man bluntly said before his eyes narrowed. "I will not let you pass."

Neji was very surprised to hear a man introduce himself as one of Konoha's historical nemesis. When it finally occurred to him to move, he didn't have enough time to dodge the followup hit. He crashed heavily against the far wall.

Quickly pushing himself up off of the floor, he jumped forward to retaliate. He missed.

He felt several strikes hit his arm and back as punishment. Stumbling forward slightly, Neji immediately swung around.

"You are within the range of my divination," he shouted. Except he had no time to follow through before he was seized and thrown into another wall.

This continued for a moment longer, Neji taking several hits, but unable to land a single hit on his opponent. It was obvious that he was outmatched. The man's reach and speed advantage were too great for him to overcome.

However, he soon noticed something was very strange about the way the man fought. After the next wave of attacks, Neji deliberately left his neck exposed.

Instead of taking the bait, the man grabbed the Hyuuga's arm and proceeded to throw him at the bed.

Neji nimbly rolled off the bed and gracefully landed on the floor. He understood now, the man wasn't trying to kill him. He was just keeping him away.

The two eyed each other warily before Neji turned.

The glass shattered as he leapt right out the window.

As he dashed down the wall toward a window that led to the floor below, he heard a curse from behind him.

Right when he touched the glass, he saw something move from the other side of the glass. His eyes widened in surprise.

It was a trap!

In his panic, he lost control of the chakra keeping him glued to the wall. There was a brief shockwave from under him, and then a large crater formed in the wall as Neji was forcefully ejected from the vertical surface.

Twisting gracefully in midair so that he was in oriented in a way to soften his landing, Neji watched with wide-eyes as the glass shattered and a large tongue of fire caught his unfortunate opponent in midair.

There was a loud scream as the fire covered the man. A body bellyflopped on the ground, creating a small steaming crater indent before it jumped to its feet and ran off hollering with arms waving wildly high in the air.

Neji stared at the scene in consternation. From his viewpoint, the man looked unhurt even after being torched like that.

After staring at the broken window for a moment longer, he turned to find the entrance to the apartment.

This time, he arrived at the entrance to the apartment containing the unknown girl.

It was easy to unlock the door since it wasn't locked. Turning the knob clockwise, Neji pushed the door in slightly. Then a click suddenly echoed in the hallway. Neji immediately pulled the door shut and ducked right as a Kunai pierced right through the steel of the closed door and embedded itself in the opposing wall.

Unfortunately, that kept him in place long enough for another ominous click to be heard. Using his bloodline, Neji immediately recognized the trap hidden behind the door.

There was no time to ask who could possibly have the bright idea of righing a flame-throwing trap indoors. 'It's probably the girl, she's the only one here,' he frantically thought before he spotted what he was looking for. Neji immediately kicked the door in, ripping it off of its hinges before shoving his fingers into the now exposed feeder lines. They split in half, dousing him in a putrid-smelling oil. But without its fuel, the flame trap would not be able to activate.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Neji made his way into the apartment, only to leap out again when he heard a click.

**Thunk**

There was a kunai embedded in the spot where he had stood moments before.

Several more clicks sounded throughout the room and Kunais suddenly started flying everywhere. Neji quickly pressed himself against the wall next to the door as several kunai shot out through the open doorway.

The noise gradually died down. Neji peered in. He breathed a sigh of relief when there were no clicks when his face entered the room.

He had only taken a few steps inside when another set of traps suddenly sounded. Now, Neji was both irritated and amused. He was definitely going to ask the girl how she managed to rig traps that he couldn't spot. But first...

Kaiten! Neji shouted as he quickly whirled around and used the Hyuuga's ultimate defense. Several of the Kunai flew away, but more continued to stream in as click after click continued to sound.

Neji was soon growling as he furiously wondered who had the money to obtain this many weapons.

He couldn't hold the defense up forever, and soon he was slowing from exhaustion. Something finally pierced through his defense and struck him on the head, knocking him out of his spin and onto the floor.

Stars flashed in his vision as he strained to use his bloodline to see what hit him. A butter knife? When a spoon took that moment to strike his back, there was no doubt about it, Neji was definitely going to throw the girl into this room after he was done questioning her.

Neji slowly advanced, pausing occasionally to block the silverware that continued to fly in from all over.

After batting away a rogue fork several steps away from the bedroom door, Neji decided that he had enough and dashed forward. He failed to see the thick black wire in his path, but he definitely heard the ominous click as he tripped on it.

Neji groaned as the floor in front of him fell away with a fwump and he started to dive headfirst into a large pit.

Inside were a multitude of bloody pikes pointed upwards, and numerous skeletons that had been skewered by them.

So this was his fate...

...if he had to die trying to fight it, he could think of better ways. But given what he had...

He started to spin in midair as he prepared to defend himself using Kaiten. But without a solid foothold, he couldn't rotate fast enough before he fell on the pikes.

A loud crack filled the air.

Neji suddenly found his descent arrested as someone seized the back of his shirt and kicked off the wall of the pit. Together the two flew back up and out of the pit. They landed lightly on the edge farthest from the bedroom door. Behind them, now devoid of victims, the pit closed, sealing itself away.

Neji was dumped unceremoniously to the floor. Looking up, he realized that his savior was the red-haired man that he fought earlier.

"Why did you save me?" Neji found himself asking as he pushed himself up.

"You came farther than the others, kid. If there's anyone that can break her out of this mood, I think you can."

Neji looked at the man with narrowed eyes. "It was you that stopped the others, weren't you?"

"Heh, you know me too well kid," the red-haired man said sheepishly.

Neji looked at the innocent looking bedroom door before he reached up and caught a spoon. "How do we cross the pit and open her door?"

"If it were me, I'd smoke her out."

"What?"

"Kitsune-bi!" the red-haired man shouted before he turned to the door, put his palms together and spewed out a huge blue fire.

Neji gaped in shock for a moment.

"Weren't you afraid of fire?" Neji demanded.

"Of course no-wait!" the man's defensive growl became one of surprise when he saw Neji turn and leap right over the pit and into the flames. Didn't the boy know that he was covered in oil?

Neji did, but that wasn't going to stop him from saving a friend. He crashed into the bedroom door with such force that it splintered slightly as it burst open. Neji tumbled into the room before he rolled to put out the flames on him. But the blue fire stubbornly clung to him.

It took a several seconds before he realized that the flames on him weren't hot.

"It was all an illusion kid," the Kyuubi said with a devilish smirk as he walked in.

"Go away!" came a loud shriek. Neji looked over and his eyes immediately widened. Hokage-sama wasn't kidding about Naruto's gender either?

Together, the two watched Naruto awkwardly fall out of bed before she made her way to the corner to hide.

"Remove this first and I will," the man replied as he stepped forward and pointed at the collar.

"no-o." Naruto stammered to the man.

Kyuubi took a step forward menacingly. That was all that he needed. "o-okay" the girl quickly said as she changed her mind.

The man bent over and she reached her small hands around his neck.

"I'm s-sorry, it won't c-come off," Naruto said after several vain tugs. She tried several more times, becoming more and more jittery with every failure before she finally shrieked and covered her head. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Don't hurt me!"

The red-haired man had a brief look of disgust on his face as he turned and stood up. He left the room without a word.

Neji looked at the cowering blond in the corner as a look of disgust appearing on his own face own face as well. He was defeated by this? Fighting the bile rising in his throat, he took a step forward.

"Naruto, Hoka-"

"Go away!" she drew further within herself.

"Hokage-sama has requested that I bring you to her office." he said again as she said nothing and shrunk away.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I can't."

"Naruto."

"Go away! Leave me alone!" the girl cried irrationally.

"Fight me," Neji finally said. "Fight me and I will leave."

"f-fine," the girl said as she slowly stood up and assumed a combat stance.

He pierced through her weak guard with little effort. She struck the wall before she collapsed on the floor.

"Get up!" Neji ordered.

"o-okay," the girl said as she staggered to her feet.

Neji wasted little time in charging forward. The girl went crashing into the bed before she bounced off and dashed the back of her head against the drawer. She fell to the floor again.

"Goddammit Naruto!" Neji cursed as he picked her up. She weakly looked at him with almost closed eyes. He managed to catch a glimpse of the resigned look within them before they finally closed and her body went limp.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Naruto slowly woke up to a tinge of pain in her side and her head. When she opened her eyes, she realized that there was a haze of white floating in front of her. It moved when she moved and she soon realized that it was a...

"You look stunning brat," the Hokage said with an appraising glance.

"Eh?" was the quiet reply.

"Everyone's ready Tsunade-sama," Shizune said as she entered the room with a bouquet of roses. (1)

"Very well, explain things to the the lucky one while I go take my place," Tsunade said as she stepped from the room.

"Congratulations Naruto!" Shizune said with a large smile on her face as she shoved the large bouquet into Naruto's hands.

"What's going on?" Naruto weakly asked Tsunade's apprentice as she held the

"You're getting married!"

"Married?"

"To Neji!"

"Neji?"

"Yes! It's Hyuuga tradition. It's customary if a strong Hyuuga defeats an equally strong partner, they would get married."

"But I lost. Badly..."

"Yes you did. But you defeated him in the Chuunin exams. That's when they acknowledge your strength."

"I'm not that strong anymore," the blond girl whined.

"..." Shizune had nothing to say.

Hinata walked in. "A-ano, the wedding is a-about to s-start."

"Come on," Shizune said as she reached over and took Naruto's hand. The girl didn't protest as she was led outside.

-o-o-o-o-o-

"We are gathered here today to witness the holy matrimony between Neji Hyuuga and Naruto Uzumaki. Is there anyone that wishes to protest this arrangement?"

A small voice rang from the crowd. "I do."

There were several gasps.

"Hyuuga Hanabi, you wish to protest against Hyuuga Neji's marriage?"

"I do." Hanabi calmly repeated.

"Do you wish to state a reason?"

"No."

In truth, she didn't have a real reason. She had been reading through a tome of Hyuuga traditions the other day and came upon one where contests could be held at a wedding. Since she was getting bored, why not?

"What's going on?" someone whispered.

"A main family member is protesting the arrangement." his uncle replied.

"What's so special about that?"

"Because a branch member is being married, if a main branch member protests the arrangement, Hyuuga tradition dictates that a series of contests must be held to determine which of the three the gods favor today."

"Three?"

"Naruto, Neji, or Hanabi-sama."

"Why Naruto?"

"If Naruto won, the wedding would be cancelled because the gods have decided that today would not be a good day for her to marry."

"What happens if Hanabi-sama wins?"

"Uhh...well...actually, I'm not sure about that one. If tradition applied, the results would be really weird."

"Huh?" the first asked, however his partner had already turned back to watch.

"Very well then. Because the rules are stringent on this matter, we will hold three contests to see which candidate the gods will favor. Naruto-san, Neji-san, or Hanabi-san."

-o-o-o-o-

"The first contest will be to draw straws. This is a test to see whose soul the gods favor today. Whoever has the favored spirit will win by drawing the short straw. Use of the Hyuuga Bloodline Limit is forbidden for this round, both from the contestants and from the spectators." Tsunade announced before she turned and whispered, "I'll place 100 ryo on Neji's victory."

"Noted." A seedy looking Hyuuga said before he took the bill.

Hinata held out the three straws for the contestants to take. The two Hyuuga children pulled out their straws without hesitation. That left Naruto to slowly pull out her own. All three presented what they were holding.

Tsunade cursed. "It appears that Naruto Uzumaki has won this round."

"Hokage-sama, I protest!" Hanabi quietly said.

"I protest as well," Neji added.

"What are they doing?" someone else from the crowd whispered.

"If the Hokage allows the protests, the results of the contest will be thrown out and a rematch will be declared," came the reply from her sister.

Oh, she allowed it alright. She would have been rubbing her hands together and cackling madly if it weren't for the fact that the Hokage's image had to be maintained.

"Round two!" Tsunade shouted before she turned and whispered, "I'll place 50 ryo on Hanabi's victory."

"Noted," came an equally quiet voice as money exchanged hands.

The three contestants pulled the straws from Hinata's grasp.

Tsunade cursed again. "Naruto Uzumaki has won this round."

"Hokage-sama, I protest."

The cycle continued. Naruto continued to win.

"Round 15!" Tsunade shouted weakly.

The three prepared to draw again. Except Hiashi stepped forward, took the three straws from Hinata's hand, and pushed her aside. He quickly selected the short straw and let it fall to the ground before he put a long straw into the pile.

He showed the three long straws to the entire crowd before he glared at the three. "Draw."

The three gulped. Who was going to question the stupidity of the Hyuuga head's action? Naruto stepped forward and pulled one out first.

The other two soon followed.

When it came time to show what they had pulled, everyone immediately gaped at the straw in Naruto's hand. They quickly looked down at the one lying on the ground.

Both were short.

"..."

Hanabi glared at the winning straw before she turned around. "Hokage-sama, I pro-" She started to say before a large hand covered her mouth.

Tsunade slowly pulled her hand away. It was obvious who won this round.

Naruto had a small smile on her face as she looked at the straw in her hand.

-o-o-o-o-o-

"The second contest will be of the mind. Whoever the gods do not favor will make a serious tactical mistake in this contest. Because of Naruto Uzumaki's unnatural victory in the last contest, she will be banned from this round." Tsunade paused for a moment to hear the outraged outburst. There was none. Naruto continued to stare depressingly down at the ground.

Tsunade turned away to continue, "The game selected will be Go." She immediately turned and whispered, "I'll place 100 ryo on Neji's victory."

"I'd hate'ta say this, but he's not going to win," Tenten quietly replied as she hesitantly took the money. Tsunade instantly felt her money flutter away.

"That's ridiculous, Neji is the reigning champion of the Annual Go tournament for 3 years now," a branch member nearby snorted. He also added 100 ryo to Neji's name.

The Hokage perked up a little when she heard this. The feeling that she had where her money was soaring far far away disappeared.

"He would be third if Shikaku and Shikamaru joined, but those two Nara's are far too lazy," another branch member added as he slapped 150 ryo into Tenten's hand. "Neji," he replied before he disappeared into the crowd.

Tsunade cackled mentally. With these claims, there was no way that she could lose!

Hiashi stepped up. "Hanabi," he said while giving Tenten 10 ryo. He had no further comments as he stepped back to watch the game begin.

The small amount exchanged wasn't lost on Tsunade. 'Way to cheer on your daughter Hyuuga-san,' she thought with a tremendous mental smirk.

Neji looked skeptically at Hanabi. "Do you even know how to play Go?"

Hanabi smirked before saying, "of course," her smirk twitched slightly, as if she was lying through her teeth.

Neji had his own smirk when he saw this. "I'll go easy on you," he said. In other words, he was going to make it a quick game so that she didn't suffer much.

Hanabi hesitantly nodded before she sat down at her place at the table.

"How do you play go?" A depressed Naruto heard a random bystander quietly ask.

"The goal of the game is to capture and hold more territory than your opponent by the end of the game. Once there is no empty land to claim, you must struggle with your opponent for more territory. To do this, you must surround your opponent's unprotected pieces to capture them while keeping your own pieces from being surrounded," his cousin replied.

"Oh."

-o-o-o-o-o-

"Who's winning?" The same bystander finally asked after some time.

"Neji."

"Why? Hanabi-sama has a large loop that she's almost completed."

"That's all she has. The larger the loop that you manage to complete, the more territory and pieces you can capture at once but you sacrifice defense. It is an incredibly risky offense, since even one piece from your opponent can defeat the strategy and cost you the game."

Neji was having no problems keeping Hanabi from completing the loop as he continued to place pieces in her path that continually forced her to go around. In short, he was dominating the playing field and the game would be over soon.

So when Hanabi set down her next piece, Neji's jaw dropped. Hanabi started to pick up the large group of black stones that she had ringed. She carelessly tossed the captured pieces to the side.

There was no doubt about it. He lost.

He put down his next piece as he continued to fight. Believe in yourself and, no matter how dire, the game will return to your favor.

It was over in minutes.

"The winner of this match, Hanabi Hyuuga!" Tsunade announced as she crumpled the ticket in her hand.

From nearby, Tenten was quietly saying to Hiashi. "Since the odds eventually stopped at 100 ta one, and you gave 10 ryo, your earnings comes out ta 1,000 ryo. Not bad." she said as she counted out 10 hundred ryo notes and handed them to the Hyuuga Head.

-o-o-o-o-o-

"We've challenged the soul and the mind. Now we shall see who the gods favor with a contest of the body. We will have a free for all battle between Naruto Uzumaki, Neji Hyuuga, and Hanabi Hyuuga. Whoever the gods favor will be able to defeat the other two."

"Aren't you going to bet?"

"...1 ryo on Naruto." Tsunade said as she glared at the seedy looking man.

"Noted." He wrote something into a notebook. "Cheapo," he muttered before he walked off. Tsunade growled.

Right on the battlefield...

"How?" Neji demanded as he glared at the shortest girl. He should have won.

Hanabi had an enigmatic smirk on her face before she pointed to a pair of people conversing off to the side.

"...the power of the Queen of Cheaters," one of them said.

"The queen of...' Neji thought for a moment before his eyes widened. Now that he remembered, there was one critical spot. One that was far from the battlefield. One that her white stone was not supposed to be occupying because he had a black stone there already.

"So you finally understand?" Hanabi asked, the smirk remaining on her face.

"You cheated."

"I did." the small girl replied.

The Hyuuga prodigy frowned. "I won't lose Naruto to your dishonorable ways."

"Why are you so determined to win?" Hanabi asked curiously.

"Because Naruto is the best." Neji said with a grin.

Naruto perked up slightly when she heard this.

"The best?"

"Naruto can change others. She has that special ability."

Hanabi scoffed. "I have never heard of such a thing."

"Believe it or not, I've seen it happen. I look forward to seeing what she can do once she is Hokage."

"Her, Hokage?" Hanabi asked as she skeptically turned to their downcast third opponent.

The two watched as the blond shook for a moment. They heard a sniffle, "Thank you Neji," came Naruto's soft smokey voice. She brought a hand up to wipe her eye before she raised her head and looked at Neji.

The glaze that had covered her brilliant blue eyes had faded a little, and Neji couldn't help but smile. From the side, Hanabi saw the growing fire in the blond girl's eyes as well. She still wasn't convinced that Naruto was going to be the best ninja in the village.

Naruto suddenly glared at the Hyuuga prodigy. "But if you think I'm going to marry a guy, you're dead wrong!" She threw the bouquet of roses aside as she moved into an aggressive brawling stance.

"We'll see who the gods favor then," Neji said lightly before he turned to Hanabi and got into a ready stance. "Hanabi, I won't hold back. Even for you."

"Very well then," Hanabi said before she got into her own ready stance.

All three were ready.

"Hajime!" Tsunade shouted and the match began.

"Give up," Neji shouted as he pivoted and charged for Hanabi, his hands began to glow slightly. Since Hanabi was obviously the weakest, he could quickly remove her from the match, allowing him to focus on defeating Naruto.

Neji suddenly disappeared from the field for a brief moment.

He reappeared right behind his unsuspecting black-haired opponent. His glowing palm flew downwards at the small girl's exposed back.

-o-o-o-o-o-

BOOM!

A mushroom cloud appeared as dust and dirt and bits of grass flew everywhere from the explosion.

-o-o-o-o-o-

A stray wind pushed the plume of smoke up and away. The crowd was speechless.

Hanabi slowly turned around and caught sight of her father and sister staring at each other in surprise.

Hiashi and Hinata then looked down at the battered body.

Neji groaned weakly as the two pulled their palm off of his back.

The two looked back at each other, and then, on some silent signal between the two of them, Hiashi calmly said for the both of them, "Neji. I would appreciate it if you refrained from striking my daughter."

Neji did not say a word, he had fallen unconscious.

The two suddenly turned to a wide-eyed Naruto, who was in the middle of backing away slowly. The blond girl froze like a deer caught in headlights.

"I wasn't going to hit her...yo," Naruto defended weakly.

Hiashi and Hinata both looked at each other before they nodded.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Naruto only had time to shriek once before...

B-BOOM!

An even larger dust cloud mushroomed into the air.

-o-o-o-o-o-

When the dust finally cleared, Hiashi turned and nodded to his daughter to let her know that it was her turn.

"My sister is not weak. I will not stand by while you mock her skills," Hinata sternly said as she and Hiashi frowned down at the twitching blonde.

Hanabi watched the scene impassively before she turned when a large hand grabbed her thin arm. Tsunade raised the girl's arm into the air.

"The winner of these contests with two wins, Hanabi Hyuuga."

-o-o-o-o-o-

The traditional reward for the main branch member winning? They take the place of the branch member. The best part is that they don't need to dress up or anything. But Hanabi's age and gender made this an odd situation. Tsunade insisted that tradition be applied despite Hiashi's stiff resistance. She somehow won in the end, but to explain how she pulled it off would take a while. To make it short, it was an epic battle of glares and stares.

So a semi-recovered blonde stood at the altar in a dirty wedding dress with a bored looking Hanabi right next to her. Neji...was still unconscious. No one bothered to wake him up since it wasn't his show anymore.

After declaring the the two married, Tsunade grinned before she said, "You may now kiss the bride."

Hanabi took one look at her partner before a look of disgust overcame her face. "Do I have to?" she said.

"Yes," Tsunade replied.

"But she smells like bad milk," Hanabi complained.

Naruto lost her sleepy look as she turned to glare at the younger girl, "I do not, you liar!"

"I'm not lying." the slightly shorter girl indignantly said.

Tsunade started laughing. "Good show brat. I formally declare this ceremony over. I'd like to see you in my office immediately."

-o-o-o-o-o-

"This was all a sham?" Naruto quietly asked.

"A pretty good one don't you think? It wasn't cheap, but it's good to see you making progress. We'll have you back to your old self in no time," Tsunade said with a grin.

"So I'm not married?" Naruto questioned.

"Nope," the Hokage said as she held out a small scroll.

"What's this?" Naruto asked as she took the profferred item. She opened it and her eyes widened.

"I can't afford this." Naruto stated.

"Not to worry, I still have that C-rank mission that I haven't paid you yet. I'll take the money from there." Tsunade said as she started rummaging through the piles of paper on her desk.

"I don't remember completing any C-rank missions recently," the younger blond commented.

"You did," Tsunade absently replied as she continued to search.

"No I didn't."

"How about that mission with Haruno-san and Tenten-san?" Tsunade commented as she pulled out another small scroll.

"Ah, maybe I did," the girl thoughtfully said.

"Uh, I take that back," Tsunade said after a moment.

"What?" Naruto questioned.

"Sorry brat, but the patrol had to end early because they had to bring you back. That counts as a failure."

"What?!" Naruto shouted. She had failed a mission?!

"So then, I need you to cough up the cash from your savings.

"What?!" Naruto shouted. She still had to pay?!

"It's not like I'm going to pay for your next costume with my own wallet. Where's the irony in that?"

"What?!" Naruto shouted loudly. The old hag wanted to use the money for a dress?!

A vein popped up in Tsunade's forehead. "Shut up brat!" She shouted as she bopped the other blond on the head. She held her fist up menacingly in case Naruto shouted 'what' one more time.

"Ow! You old hag!" Naruto shouted with fire in her eyes before she delivered a defiant one finger salute.

"You brat!" Tsunade roared as she leapt over her desk to tackle the shorter blond. Inwardly she was smiling. Naruto still had some ways to go, but the initial diagnosis indicated that she would eventually return to her perky self.

-o-o-o-o-

Hanabi had heard of marriage. A ceremony that binds two people. She's also heard from some of the older girls that they would love to be married in a nice large ceremony. And she's heard from many old ladies how they lamented not being able to marry.

She suddenly looked up and glared at the clerk behind the desk, he immediately stopped clearing his throat to grab her attention.

"Uhh, I'm going to need your partner's signature before I can file this."

"Fine." Hanabi calmly replied.

"Alright, please have him sign this," the clerk behind the desk said as he pushed forward a small signature form.

Hanabi took it and looked it over for a moment before she turned to the clerk with a nod. "I will return tomorrow," she said as she walked out.

She wasn't giving up the marriage.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Omake! Ichi!

Three girls sat around their table and stared intently at their cards. Actually, Tenten was staring rather intently at another player's cards.

"Yes?" Hanabi asked smugly.

"You have a royal flush, doncha?" Tenten suddenly asked as she threw down her cards. She only had a pair of aces, one spade and one diamond.

"Third game in a row, I'm just that lucky I guess," Hanabi bragged as she set down a royal flush of clubs with a flourish.

"Aww gee, who wins now?" the blond girl at the table spoke up. When the other two look at the third player, she put down a royal flush of hearts.

"..."

From far far away, someone was observing the game through a pair of binoculars.

"The queen of cheating, the mistress of predictions, and the goddess of luck. The three heroes of gambling," Neji monotoned as he set the binoculars down.

"Scary isn't it?" Kiba asked as he walked up and set down a briefcase with **Konoha Trump** emblazoned on the front. He took off his sunglasses and pulled out his own pair of binoculars to have a look.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Omake! Ni!

Kyuubi was just bumbling along one night when he accidentally stepped on a house and it exploded.

Screaming, he leapt back, only to land on a group of nin.

Well that obviously didn't settle very well with them. From his height, Kyuubi wasn't able to see their eyes, but if he did, he would have seen several red-eyed nins.

Huge gouts of fire immediately came at him from all over.

Well, the giant fox wasn't going to let the flames hit him, so he started to dance around them.

But realistically...dancing is just too refined a way to describe stomping on everything as the giant fireballs continued to strike his large rump.

After hundreds more buildings exploded, many many nin died, and the fox's nerves were shot from seeing all of that fire, a giant red frog appeared with a blond haired man standing on his head.

The last thing that the fox thought before he was sucked into a child's stomach.

'Once I get out I'm going to destroy this stupid village.'

Hey, it's not like a fear of fire is going to change him that much.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Character Profiles:

**Neji Hyuuga**

Neji is a genius. This gives him the ability to create and pull out new moves at the drop of a hat. He can also quickly figure out strengths and weaknesses. In addition, he can quickly identify patterns and trends in a fight.

Because of his skills and intellect, he's a bit arrogant. But he does have the strength to back up his mouth.

Because of the fight at the Chuunin exam, Neji has changed. 

Did you know? Neji is a 3 time winner of the Annual Go Tournament. However while he's good at the game, he doesn't play it with much emotion. To him one piece is the same as another. So he doesn't care about sacrificing any of them. Because of this, he'd lose badly against Shikamaru and Shikaku. Asuma would be a good challenge.   
Now that he's more receptive about recognizing the value of others however, his game will suffer as he struggles to keep everyone of his pieces alive. Once he understands that some of the pieces will be glad to give their life as long as it can help the others, his game will significantly improve.

**Hanabi Hyuuga**

Hanabi is scarily intelligent for a kid. This makes her a bit arrogant, and she sort of believes that she knows everything. She knows a lot but there's a ton of gaps in her knowledge. One particularly good example is her knowledge of social matters. She's really naïve here because her father often shelters her from other children. The people that her father lets her meet tend to be stuffy rich high-ranking old fogeys that entertain her with stories of their past regrets and exploits.

Hanabi has a frightening glare which she can use to boss people around. If that's not enough, she has a fiercely protective father and sister.

Living in the Hyuuga household has given her a calm, reserved temperament. She can hide her emotions well, because anything more energetic and she'll annoy her father. Unfortunately, she's still a kid. And her energy has to go somewhere. She daydreams a lot when she's not busy.

To explain why Hanabi is determined to find a way to make the marriage happen...first of all, it was taken away from her. Second of all, her imagination went through the roof again as she recalled the stories from the old ladies. Third of all, she doesn't understand why people marry in the first place. Like Naruto, she just believes that a marriage is a declaration of friendship.

Did you know? Hanabi is also known as the Queen of Cheaters. Her win rate is actually better than Naruto's...even when the crowd suspects. However, her wins are far less spectacular. Hanabi's specialty is moving her hands faster than the eye can see. She'd make a great magician.

Did you know? Hiashi stopped playing against Hanabi because she cheats so often she doesn't have to think about doing it anymore. The only sign that they have that his youngest daughter is cheating is that she is eventually starting to win.

**Naruto Uzumaki**

Naruto has an odd tendency to shoot herself in the foot.

Anyway, in this chapter, she's weakened greatly because she's going through a period where she's afraid and distrustful of others...boys in particular. In addition, her confidence has taken a major hit, meaning she's lost and confused. What this means is that she'll follow anybody who leads her.

I suppose you could say she got through the nightmare jutsu unscathed. She's still as innocent as ever when it comes to the ways of social life. There's also good news about her current condition, Naruto is slowly recovering. Now, when mad, she can forget her fears for a moment and unleash her fury.

**Kyuubi**   
In my opinion, Kyuubi has the oddest quirks in this story. To add on from last time: the first thing that you should notice is that he's deathly afraid of fire, even if it can't hurt him. I'm not sure why, I suppose a carryover from bestial instincts.

Not only is he good at detecting illusions, he's also a master of making them. So maybe he's not as good at physical combat as we're led to believe. That is true, but only skill-wise. He posseses speed and strength to make up for his lack of skills.

Kyuubi guards Naruto because he wants something from her. Namely, get this &!#!#& collar off. To this end, he's also another antagonist. I'm not quite sure why Kyuubi is afraid of Naruto dying before the collar comes off. I can guess, however. He'll let me know if I'm wrong.

Kyuubi hates seeing weakness.

His weapon of choice is a bullwhip. It acts like one of his tails. Ten-tailed fox...hahaha. Anyway, it's just an ordinary bullwhip. Not as cool as a legendary sword, but the fox can do frightening things with it.

Did you know? Kyuubi's tails poof up when he's scared. Too bad they're hidden under his cape. It's definitely a sight to see.   
Did you know? Naruto tried to remove his collar but she couldn't. It's not because she lacked the strength. It's because, in her heart, she didn't want to. 

-o-o-o-o-o-

A/N: I always wanted to write a suggestive scene like that one in the introduction!

A/N: Frankly, I have no clue who won that card game. If you consider hearts higher than clubs, then Naruto won. Sometimes hearts have the lowest rank, so Hanabi wins. But if you don't rank the suits, they tied. Who was the dealer anyway?

A/N: One of my renditions of Kyuubi's attack on Konoha!

A/N: I'm aware that Neji is being bashed heavily despite his heroic appearance at the beginning and middle. I have no clue why...it just worked out like that. I like him just fine.

Thanks goes to **Firework** for helping me nail down Sakura's character. 

Thanks goes to **Firework** for pointing out that a break between dream and reality needs some sort of seperator. I chose to use italics to indicate the dulling of a dream moments before a character wakes up.

Thanks to **Firework** for pointing out that Hanabi seemed to want a marriage when she challenged Neji. In reality, it was an unplanned thing because she was bored. I added a small paragraph to point it out. Also, I added a small paragraph to Hanabi's profile to explain why Hanabi is still working for a marriage.

Thanks to **Echizen Ryoma-san** for pointing out how Kyuubi introducing himself as Kyuubi to Neji wouldn't make much sense.

(1) An interesting line that I found from Spying no Jutsu and modified to suit my own needs.


	11. Book 1: Shikamaru

_She's short, she's flat, and she's got a temper to boot. But she's cute, and she can cook. Why not give her a second look? Ooo! Ouch...are you okay?_

The Trials of Uzumaki Naruto, Girl

by MingShun

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

2 Narutos are standing together, one is hanging off of the other. One a boy and one a girl. The boy shifted uncomfortably as he tried to pry the girl off of his arm. There is a third Naruto right in front of them. This one is a girl.

Suddenly the lone girl fell to her knees. "Take me with you! Please!"

The boy recoiled violently, "One of you is too much to take care of already!"

"Yeah yo!" the other girl said as she hugged his arm even tighter. She paused, "Hey!" she shouted as she reared back to punch the boy.

"Ahh! I didn't mean it like that!" the first girl cried as she started to gag.

The Author stops watching the odd scene to move a corncob pipe aside and turn to address the audience. "I uhh...dunno if I own any of them. To be safe, I'll say that I don't and they all belong to Masashi Kishimoto. I'm just borrowing them...although..."

He turns and watches as the two girls stop shouting. Moments later, they were at each other's throat, totally ignoring the fact that they were stepping on the only male Naruto as they struggled to overpower the other. Soon after, friends from both sides leap in and join the tussle. A dust cloud started to form as the rumble went into overdrive.

"...ask my coauthor. Maybe she knows who these people are."

-o-o-o-o-o-

_Oh wait, there were actually nine shadows, but the ninth one had an affinity for shadows and an incredible propensity for blending in. He was very difficult to spot, it's no wonder I missed seeing him._

_He followed not because he wanted to, but because he knew that she would never stop bothering him if he wasn't there to interrupt the others. Troublesome._

-o-o-o-o-o-  
**Chapter 10: Shikamaru  
**-o-o-o-o-o-

Naruto stepped into the living room with one arm stretched into the air and a large smile on her face. Her other arm was over her head and pulling on the first one a little as she stretched to work the kinks out of her back.

She stopped and blinked. Then she blinked again before she rubbed her eyes.

"What are you doing?" she finally asked when she realized she wasn't seeing things.

"Looking for a piece of paper with your signature on it so that I can forge it," Hanabi sleepily replied. She had been here all night.

"Oh." Naruto said after a moment. "Why don't you ask me to sign it instead?"

Hanabi suddenly stood up and walked over. She held out a piece of paper and said, "please sign here." She pointed at the indicated spot.

Naruto took the document and looked curiously at it for a moment. She finally looked up. "What is it?"

Hanabi sighed, "It's a signature form that gives me permission to add your name to our marriage certificate."

Naruto scratched her head for a moment before she held the document out, "No, that's okay. I have enough knives already."

Hanabi looked oddly at the blonde for a moment. She shook her head, sleepiness was making her hear weird things. "You don't want to sign it?"

"Of course not. I already told you that I have too many knives," the other girl briskly repeated.

So she wasn't hearing things. "Very well," Hanabi said as she took back the document before looking around the messy living room. "Could you sign this?" Hanabi asked as she picked up something from the ground and held it out.

Naruto looked oddly at it for a moment before she shrugged, "I don't know why you want me to sign a blank piece of paper, but okay. Do you have a pen?"

Hanabi helpfully held out the requested item and Naruto quickly signed in a random spot. The Hyuuga picked up the paper before she promptly walked toward the door.

"Bye whoever you are!" Naruto cheerfully called out right as the shorter girl stepped out of her apartment.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Meanwhile, Hiashi and Hinata were tirelessly scanning through Konoha in their epic search. They had been up all night searching for their missing family member.

"What if she's at Naruto-kun's home?" Hinata finally asked, proposing the one spot they hadn't searched yet.

"Hanabi is forbidden from entering that part of the village, daughter," Hiashi promptly replied.

"of course," Hinata quietly said.

Their search continued.

-o-o-o-o-o-

"Back again?" the clerk asked as he glanced over the counter.

"Yes," Hanabi tiredly replied as she struggled to stand on the tips of her toes. She extended Naruto's completed signature form toward the clerk.

The clerk reached over and took it. Hanabi stepped back so that she could see the man behind the tall desk.

"This signature..." the clerk slowly said.

The girl remained silent. Did he suspect something?

The clerk then shrugged, as he set down the signature form and found the marriage form that Hanabi had filed yesterday. Sliding back a little, he opened a drawer and pulled a blank marriage certificate from his desk. He started to fill in a few of the blanks on the marriage certificate before he suddenly stopped writing.

"According to your birth date...you're 7 years old?" the man asked in surprise.

Hanabi nodded briskly.

"How old is," the clerk looked at the application for a brief moment, "Naruto then?" he asked.

"12," Hanabi replied, quickly recalling that Naruto was in her sister's class.

"I'm sorry, but both of you are too young to be married."

"Naruto is a nin," Hanabi promptly said.

"Okay, Naruto is old enough. But you're still too young."

Hanabi promptly glared, although her tiredness killed the effect. Sensing the weakness of her attack, Hanabi immediately used her family name. "I am a member of the Hyuuga main branch and I demand that you marry us."

Instead of being worried, a thoughtful look appeared on the bespectacled man's face. "Umm, well, I was leafing through the marriage laws one night..."

"And..." the small girl snapped.

"Well..." the clerk hesitated.

"Did you find any exceptions to being underage?"

"No."

"Can you look the other way?" Hanabi asked as she pulled out a large stack of ryo bills from her pocket and flashed it at the clerk.

The clerk looked interestedly at the bills before he quickly looked away. "No. There's a law against that too."

"Then what did you find?" Hanabi demanded.

"Nothing, the laws on marriage are pretty strict actually. There are even rules that restricts the number of partners that one can have in a lifetime. There really isn't anything I can do."

There was a thud.

"What did you do?!" the man that was next in line suddenly shouted.

The clerk peered over the desk to see the girl bent over, her palms on the floor. Spots slowly dotted the floor. Hanabi was crying.

"Hey," the clerk said. "Listen." Even though the girl on the floor wasn't looking up at him, he continued anyway. "I can't do anything, but there might be a way..."

The girl looked up at him with hope in her eyes.

"If you can get the Hokage to approve, you can be married that way. Just bring back the marriage declaration so I can file it away."

A neutral look immediately replaced the Hyuuga girl's expression. Quickly wiping her face with her sleeve, the girl bowed and ran out.

"Next!" the clerk finally called out.

"What was that all about?" the next in line asked as he slowly stepped up.

The clerk shrugged, "Marriage is a popular topic among young girls these days. They normally give up when they first see the forms but she took it farther than most."

-o-o-o-o-o-

Naruto silently padded into the large office. She immediately saw that the large desk was empty. Looking slightly to the left and right, Naruto noticed that Shizune wasn't at her usual spot either. She turned to leave...only to leap back with a yelp of surprise.

"No missions today brat," Tsunade said as she entered the room with a large bottle of sake balanced on her head. Naruto noticed that the old hag had her hands hidden behind her back. Shizune followed close behind her mentor, her hands also concealed behind her body. Tonton was the last to enter the room. She was sniffing around warily as she followed the two taller women.

A grin appeared on the Fifth's face, causing Naruto to blink and step back.

"However," Tsunade announced as she brought her hands forward to show what she was hiding. "You get to choose today brat. Which would you like to wear?" the Hokage asked as she showed what was in her hands.

"Dammit! I don't want to...that one! Can I wear that one? Please?" Naruto begged. She was very close to falling on her knees and worshipping the clothing in Tsunade' hands.

Tsunade gave Naruto the requested item before she pulled something else out from thin air. "Don't forget this," Tsunade said as she held up a cap. It immediately disappeared from the Hokage's hands.

Forgoing modesty, Naruto quickly changed right in front of them. She soon had on bright orange overalls and an orange t-shirt.

A bright-orange buttonless visored newspaper boy cap perched precariously on her head. It was clearly too large for her head. Another interesting thing about it was the orange spiral within a white circle embossed on the front.

Naruto had a great big smile on her face as she dashed out of the room to show the world her new style.

Back in the room, Tsunade turned smugly to her apprentice.

Shizune stood to the side, forgotten, a sad look on her face as she held a nice black and white dress in her hands.

"Told you she'd wear it," Tsunade gloated as she pulled the sake bottle off her head and prepared to uncap the bottle.

Shizune looked down at the dress in her hands for a moment before she looked up with narrowed eyes. She growled long and low.

"Hey, what's with that look?" Tsunade asked as she backed away slightly, her hands in a warding gesture.

Shizune cried loudly in anger as she tackled her teacher. The sake bottle went flying through the air, only to land harmlessly on the desk.

After several minutes of floundering...

"It doesn't fit," Shizune cried.

"Of course it doesn't!" Tsunade roared in reply as she struggled to free her arms and pull the dress off of her head.

There was a small knock on the doorframe.

With great effort, Tsunade finally managed to remove the dress from her head without ripping it apart.

Now able to see again, she turned to find Hanabi standing at the door. She quickly looked down at the dress in her hands.

Looking up, she that her apprentice was also staring intently at the small dress. The mousy woman suddenly looked up as well. Their eyes met, and a silent message passed between the two of them before the two turned back toward the patiently waiting white-eyed girl.

Large smirks suddenly appeared on both woman's faces.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Naruto sobbed quietly as she glared at the ground. She was currently sitting on a large root and leaning against an ancient tree in the park. Numerous cuts and bruises lined the exposed skin on her face, neck, and arms. The blue overall that she was wearing even had holes in them.

"Hey," came a lazy voice, Naruto looked up. It was Shikamaru. "I saw what happened."

"Come to gloat?" she angrily asked.

"No, I came to say sorry."

"Why," Naruto asked curiously.

"I was there, I should have stopped her before she started."

"Don't worry about it," Naruto quietly said as she leaned forward to rest her chin on her knees. She picked at the ground with a small stick in her hands.

"You do know that you look better right?"

"Do I?" Naruto sniffed.

Shikamaru hesitantly nodded as he took a seat next to her and laid down. "Don't tell her I said this, but Ino is an expert at makeup and..."

When he said that "blue is less troublesome than orange," Naruto's face morphed into a mask of fury as she leapt upon the lazy cloud watcher.

"I want them back!" Naruto howled as she struggled to punch him.

It's a good thing she was so small and light, Shikamaru was barely holding the angry girl back. He finally managed to place his hands solidly on her chest and push her off with one mighty grunt.

Naruto immediately rolled over before digging her feet into the grass as she prepared to leap at him with blood in her eyes. Except...she couldn't move.

"Kagemane no Jutsu was a success." Shikamaru lazily said as he slowly got up and backed away.

Once he was a comfortable distance away, he started to talk. "Calm down Naruto. I'll have Ino return them to you. Okay?"

Naruto stopped struggling. "Really?" she asked with glimmering eyes. Her face had lit up so radiantly that it was almost as if she wasn't angry or sad in the first place.

"Okay, I'm calm!" she chirped.

Shikamaru released her. But instead of heading towards Ino's house, Naruto watched as Shikamaru found a wide open spot and laid down.

A few minutes passed before a shadow suddenly blocked his sunlight. Shikamaru turned his head slightly to see why.

Naruto was crouched beside his head and peering curiously down at him. "Ne ne, why aren't you getting them now?" she asked.

Shikamaru gave a halfhearted shrug. "It's too troublesome to do it right now," he said. When a confused look appeared on the other's face, the shadow user sighed. "Ino wants me to join her on a shopping trip today. It'll be less troublesome if I went at night when all of the shops are closed." he clarified.

A vein started pulsing upon Naruto's forehead. "Get them now," she growled as she leaned forward menacingly.

"..." Shikamaru looked at the blond for a moment. "Troublesome," he said as he slowly sat up. She might look innocent, but that unseen danger wafting off of her in waves was a credible threat.

-o-o-o-o-o-

"Yay!" Naruto cheered when she saw what was in Shikamaru's hands when he left Ino's house half an hour later.

"5 o' clock," The lazy Nara moaned as he handed over the orange t-shirt, cap, and overalls.

Naruto stopped admiring her clothing to look up at him. "Eh?" she asked with a curious look on her face.

In exchange for those, Ino wants me to take her on a date at five.

"Then take her on a date!" Naruto snapped before she started to walk away.

"I'm not even dressed," the shadow user lazily said, freezing the blond in place.

Naruto looked at him for a moment before she took his arm and started to lead him somewhere.

"I'd rather be cloud watching..." Shikamaru mumbled as he let himself be pulled along.

-o-o-o-o-o-

The two stood inside of one of Naruto's favorite clothing shop.

"Ne ne, how about this?" Naruto, now wearing her new orange overalls again, held up a shirt and pants comba. She was currently standing next to the store's bargain bin. It was full of orange clothes.

"I'm not wearing that." Shikamaru said irritatedly.

Naruto's face fell. She carefully returned the two to the box before she rummaged through it again. A happy look appeared. "This is nice!" she cheerfully said presenting what she found.

"No it isn't," Shikamaru deadpanned.

"Mou..."

After several more rejections...

"Find your own clothes then!" Naruto angrily shouted at Shikamaru when she finally had enough of him shooting down every single one of her choices.

"Too much trouble. Let's come back later," he suggested.

It really was too much trouble, and she wanted to agree, she really did. But she didn't want to see her effort go to waste. So "no, get it done now!" she screeched in his face.

With a sigh, Shikamaru turned and pulled something from off of a nearby rack.

Naruto immediately fell to the ground and burst out laughing. Shikamaru just stood there with a lazy look on his face.

-o-o-o-o-o-

The two stepped into the bright sun. "Good luck on your date with Ino," Naruto said as she prepared to walk away.

Shikamaru briefly grumbled something about clothes and being poorer before he lazily said, "I don't know where to eat..."

Naruto froze in place, the motion causing the oversized cap that she was wearing to slip over her eyes.

"Ramen!" Naruto loudly proclaimed into the cap.

"That's not a good restaurant," Shikamaru said with a sweatdrop.

Naruto lifted the orange cap with a hand, revealing her crystal-blue eyes. "It is too!" She defended as she reached forward and took his free hand. She was going to show him just how perfect ramen was for every occasion. Even for a date with Ino.

-o-o-o-o-o-

They hadn't gone far when Naruto felt a small tap on her shoulder.

"It's you!" she shouted when she turned and saw the girl that had been in her house earlier. The black-haired girl was still dressed in her traditional black kimono.

Back at the Hokage tower, Tsunade and Shizune stared at the nice black and white dress wondering what they were going to do with it. There was a knock. It was Sakura.

Back in the market district,"You look tired, are you all right?" Naruto asked the shorter girl with the cold look on her face.

She received a cool nod in reply. "Oh, okay. So what did you want?" The hyperactive blond asked before she was forced to fall back a little as something was pushed in her face.

_As Hokage, I now declare Naruto Uzumaki and Hanabi Hyuuga married. This document announces this change in status and gives the bearer the right to change the records to update this new development even if..._

_Tsunade_

Hanabi pulled the scroll back and looked expectantly up at Naruto.

"Oh...uh...what did it say?" Naruto dumbly asked. It was the language of law, how was she expected to read and understand it?

The ground shook slightly when the two near her suddenly fell over.

Just kidding! Shikamaru was too lazy for that and Hanabi was willing to work around her new partner's problems.

"We're married," Hanabi calmly explained as she pulled the scroll back and rolled it up.

Shikamaru's eyes widened but he said nothing.

Naruto's confused look remained. "Oh...what does that mean?"

Hanabi bowed her head in thought before she looked up. "Your home is now my home. Your food is now my food. Your clothes are now mine..." she sternly said.

"Umm...okay," Naruto interrupted as she scratched her head. "Wow, so complicated," she mumbled to herself.

"So you agree?" Hanabi asked.

"Not really..." Naruto replied.

"Hokage-sama mentioned that you might not, so she gave me these..." Hanabi said as she reached into her voluminous sleeve and pulled something out.

"Okay!" Naruto cheered as she swiped the golden coupons that granted her 50 percent-off on her next Ichiraku visit.

She finally stopped drooling on the tickets to look up. There was a confused expression on her new friend's face.

"What are you doing?" Hanabi finally asked.

"Oh! I just took Shikamaru shopping for new clothes. And now I'm going to show him that Ichiraku's Ramen is a good place to take a date. I don't know what we'll do next but-"

"Have fun on your date," Hanabi interrupted as she passed them and continued on her way.

The two watched the younger girl slouch a little some distance out. "She looks a bit tired," Naruto commented before she turned to her companion. "Date?" she asked curiously as she lifted the cap out of her eyes again. "What do you think she meant Shikamaru?"

The shadow-user just shrugged.

-o-o-o-o-o-

After several bowls of ramen...the two left Ichiraku's. Shikamaru was still wholly unconvinced of the value of taking Ino to the ramen stand for a date, even if it was cheap. Naruto didn't notice because something else had caught her eye.

"Ne ne, do you need to show Ino something fun to do?" Naruto asked.

"No, why?" Shikamaru asked before he turned to see what the blond girl was pointing at.

**Konoha 5****th**** Annual Inventions Show  
**_Admission: Free_

"Waa! I've always wanted to come to this fair since it first started," the girl excitedly cried as she ran ahead.

"Naruto..." Shikamaru started to say. But it was too late. Naruto had already entered the large crowd. With a sigh, he slouched forward and followed. "Troublesome girl."

"Look Shikamaru!" Naruto shouted as she bounced on a cushion of a massage chair.

"SHIKAMARU!" Naruto suddenly shouted from the other side of the show. The megaphone was suddenly ripped from her hands by the angry booth owner. The girl pouted slightly before she ran into the crowd.

"Shikamaru! Look!" Naruto cried as she sat on a large rubber ball. There were handholds and a seat on the ball for a rider. Unfortunately, stability was still an issue as Naruto conveniently demonstrated when the ball rolled forward, throwing off its rider before running her over.

After flailing for a bit, Naruto finally sat up with an embarrassed smile. Her smile soon turned to shock and dismay.

A redhead woman had an unresisting Shikamaru in her grasp.

"Who are you? What are you doing to Shikamaru?" Naruto demanded as she reached out and picked up her oversized orange cap. She plopped it back on her head before she glared at the taller woman.

The redhead had a devilish smirk on her face as she said, "take a guess, brat!"

Naruto squinted at the woman for a second. When she saw soft furry ears and several tails flash for a brief second, she instantly knew who this was.

"Gaah! Ero-sennin how did you figure out my Orioke no Jutsu?!" Naruto demanded.

The redheaded woman was abruptly dogpiled by a group of angry women clad in towels.

Jiraiya took that moment to step out from behind Naruto. He smacked her on the back of the head.

"Ack!" Naruto cried as stars filled her vision.

"As if I'd learn such a stupid Jutsu from you, gaki!" Jiraiya shot back.

It had become suspiciously quiet.

"Get him!" one woman finally shouted as the rest jumped off of their somewhat-innocent victim and rushed the blond girl and the old man.

"Wait! I haven't presented my new toaster yet!" Jiraiya shouted as he turned and ran for it.

In a stunning moment of luck, Naruto wasn't trampled when the stampede passed her.

-o-o-o-o-o-

The redheaded woman quickly shot to her feet. "Nevermind brat," she angrily said as she walked over to Shikamaru and prepared to pick him up. However, there was another redheaded woman in back of Shikamaru who was kneeling down and trying to untie him.

Two pairs of red eyes met.

"Anata!" the one in back of Shikamaru suddenly shouted as she happily turned behind her and called to her husband. "Look! My long lost twin!"

The one in front of Shikamaru turned around happily as well. Her face soon fell and the words died in her throat when she saw who was behind her.

"Ow!" Naruto suddenly cried. "What was that for?" Naruto shouted at the redhead lady in front of her before she turned around when she felt someone staring at her.

"I was under the impression that you were sick." A man that looked suspiciously like the Fourth said as he stepped up to her.

Naruto didn't hesitate. Not when her life was on the line. "I am dattebayo!" she pretended to cough several times, "I was going to the drugstore for some medicine!" She coughed again, the jerking motion causing her cap to slip over her eyes once more.

The blond man continued to give her a long searching look before he shrugged and turned to his wife. "You don't have a twin, honey. Remember? You're an only child. Now, we have to hurry home. Little Naruto still doesn't have a babysitter."

"Oh! That's right," the woman enthusiastically said, agreeing with her husband on both points. She took her husband's hand and the two disappeared in a bright yellow flash.

Naruto raised the cap from her eyes, before she turned and glared up at the redhaired woman. Something had just occurred to her.

"You're the fox aren't you?"

The redhead lady gaped at the short blond for a moment before the shock disappeared and amusement took over. "That's right brat."

Naruto's expression suddenly changed. "How come you're a girl now? Did you have a seal concealing you in a genjutsu too?"

Kyuubi fixed the blond with a half-lidded gaze. "Fool! I'm neither guy nor girl. My true form is a fox!"

"..." It was Naruto's turn to gape at Kyuubi in shock. The surprise quickly left as duty made itself known. "Let Shikamaru go! He has a date in less than an hour." she demanded.

"Only if you beat me," Kyuubi replied with a large toothy grin.

"Eh?!"

"But if I win, you remove the collar and I keep the worthless boy."

"Eh?!" Naruto cried in surprise.

"Agreed?" she asked with a seductive wink.

That annoyed her. "Fine!" Naruto shouted with a glare.

"Hey. Don't I get a say in this?" Shikamaru calmly asked.

"No!" both females shouted loudly at him.

"Troublesome," Shikamaru muttered.

"What's the contest," Naruto demanded as she turned back to the redheaded woman.

The two suddenly turned when they heard someone loudly announce...

"Let's hear it for Kakashi Hatake with a score of 92!"

"Just like my eternal rival to beat me in a youthful match of Karaoke," Gai's voice came right after.

Naruto and Kyuubi look at each other before they pushed through the line of people waiting to sing. Despite the protests from the crowd, no one wanted to challenge the two who were obviously in the middle of a full scale war. Both were soon the next in line and once onstage, Shikamaru was abruptly tossed against the glaringly bright backdrop as the two picked their song and prepared to sing.

Naruto had a great voice. However...

...the crowd was soon booing and shouting for her to get off the stage.

Having almost never listened to a song in her life, she was completely tone deaf.

Steaming, Naruto stopped singing to shout a few choice words. A quarter of the crowd scurried away in fear.

"Only a quarter? You're slipping brat..." Kyuubi blandly commented.

"Shut up!" Naruto shouted into the microphone causing the rest of the crowd to cover their ears.

The song was halted midway through and the automatic scorer immediately gave Naruto a 23 out of 100.

It was now Kyuubi's turn. When she walked up, the crowd grew 5 times larger.

In moments, the crowd stopped leering at the redhead women to cover their ears.

It was too dangerous to remove their hands from their ears and pull her off, and Kyuubi was allowed to sing the song to completion. Three minutes of nightmarish agony that the crowd would never forget. When the song finally ended, Naruto congratulated Kyuubi on a song well done. On the television screen, the scorer gave a score of 'My ears!'. 'Truly the worst' flashed right underneath.

The blond didn't notice the crowd swarm onto the stage with murder in their eyes. However, Kyuubi certainly did, and she immediately pulled out a pair of weapons to defend herself.

One of them was her trusty bullwhip and the other was...the legendary sword. Kyuubi took a long look at the sword for a moment before she thrust it into Naruto's arms.

Naruto looked at the weapon in her hands in surprise before she pulled it out of the sheath. She swung and the crowd in front of her reared back in fear.

She used it fairly well. When someone tried to blindside her, a wide threatening swipe in his direction scared him off.

For a minute, she kept the crowd around her at bay while Kyuubi cleared a path. But then Naruto thrust a bit too hard and her cap fell over her eyes.

Now blind, she panicked. In moments, she was wildly chopping the sword in all directions. Really wildly...

"Stop brat!" Kyuubi ordered as she ducked out of the way to avoid friendly fire.

"She's armed!" someone from a group of peacekeeping nin shouted as they arrived to break up the conflict. They pulled out shuriken of all types and threw.

Quickly batting the flying metal shards from out of the air with the whip, Kyuubi leapt at Naruto. Several cuts appeared on her loose sleeves before she managed to knock Naruto's hat off.

Naruto immediately stopped swinging to bend down and pick it up. Kyuubi had other plans, however, as she grabbed the blond girl around the waist and leapt high into the air.

"No! My hat!" Naruto cried as she vainly reached for the orange eyesore.

"After them!" the leader of the pack of nin shouted. They quickly followed after the troublemakers.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Kyuubi easily lost their pursuers. And soon she returned with Naruto to the scene of the crime. There, they found Shikamaru untied and being chewed out by Ino.

Ino suddenly rounded on them.

"You hussy. I can't believe you!"

"Who's a hussy," Naruto shouted angrily as she looked around for the target. She didn't know what hussy meant, but it sounded as bad as a pervert. She was about to attack the fox when she felt someone grap her overall straps.

"You," Ino coldly replied as she hauled the other blonde over.

"Me?! I'm not a hussy," Naruto cried as she grasped Ino's arms and tried to pull them off.

"Explain why you have boys following you everywhere you go then,"

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Naruto said as she opened her mouth wide and prepared to chomp down on one of the hands holding her.

She never had a chance to bite before Ino shook her vigorously before hauling her aside with one hand. "There," Ino shouted.

Naruto slowly turned her head to see where Ino was pointing and shrieked. She immediately leapt at Ino for support.

Peering out of a nearby alleyway, Kiba and Lee were grinning and waving sheepishly at being spotted. Gaara stood behind them, with an emotionless look on his face. In the blink of an eye they disappeared around the corner.

"Get off!" Ino shouted as she struggled to pry the girl off.

"How long have they been following me?!" Naruto demanded as she clung fearfully to the taller blonde, almost like an octopus. She had a wild look on her face when she turned to Shikamaru for an answer.

"I saw them when Ino dragged you into her house," Shikamaru helpfully supplied.

"We've been following you for a lot longer actually," Kiba volunteered as he stepped out from behind them. "At least a weak now," he said as he pulled out several pictures. A few had Naruto in a wedding dress. Another few had Naruto appear from around a corner with a small bundle in her hands. Another subset had her walking back out in a patrolling fox costume...

Naruto suddenly stopped looking at the images to swing around and hide behind Ino when Gaara and Lee decided to appear from behind Kiba.

"Can't breathe," Ino gasped.

"Naruto, you're killing her," Shikamaru calmly said.

Naruto wasn't listening, instead she was shouting "Why? Why?!" into Ino's back.

Every single boy chose that moment to look away, with the exception of Gaara.

Ino was turning purple.

"Hahaha, I see. Brat, they're interested in you," Kyuubi said as she pantomimed lots of kissing and hugging to emphasize her point.

Gaara gave a slight nod as he took a fearless step forward, "What she said." he neutrally said.

Ino found herself on the ground right after. She immediately took a deep breath.

"Nooooo!" Naruto shrieked as she disappeared in the distance.

"We are, Gaara-san?" Lee curiously asked.

"...Yes," the redheaded boy neutrally replied.

Inwardly, Shikamaru was wondering why he wanted to ask the blond girl for a raise in his allowance. It's not like Naruto was his mother.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Naruto soon found herself in front of the Hokage. After relaying her plight, she was given a brief no.

"Baachan!"

"No brat." Tsunade said without looking up.

"Please!" that made Tsunade pause in her writing. "Hokage-sama," the girl begged.

The Fifth looked up curiously at the blond girl. "You must really be desperate."

"I am!"

"My answer is still 'no'." Tsunade said as she returned to the paperwork.

Naruto hung her head and left the room. It wasn't her fault she lost the cap.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Naruto quickly shoved several boxers into her travel pack.

She didn't care if the Hokage said no, she was packing and leaving Konoha.

Picking up the travel pack after throwing in a few cups of ramen, closing it, and mounting a sleeping bag on top, she ran for the door.

-o-o-o-o-o-

And with that, Naruto snuck past the gates of Konoha on her way to freedom.

The 8 hidden shadows minus one chose the following moment to reveal themselves. And when they did, they exchanged confused looks with each other when they realized that they were not alone. They wordlessly turned and started to follow the blonde.

"I'm not going to let you pass," growled a voice from behind them.

The entire group turned as one to the new voice.

It was dark, so they could not tell. But it appeared to belong to a redheaded man with a whip in one hand.

They chose to ignore him and continue forward. They had the advantage of numbers.

Except there were now two standing in front of them. Hiashi and Hinata.

"Where's Hanabi?" Hinata demanded.

The group turned to the shortest one, only to discover that she wasn't there anymore.

"..." none of them, Kyuubi included, knew what to say.

Hinata mistook their silence. "So you refuse to answer?" she asked with narrowed eyes.

There was a shout as Chouji was suddenly restrained by Shikamaru's shadow.

Hinata took that as her cue. "Very well then, I will make you answer," the white-eyed girl determinedly shouted as she charged.

Hiashi passed his daughter almost immediately. Jounins are like that. Extending his palm, he struck her intended target first.

Gaara flew back and landed heavily on the ground. There were no followup attacks as his sand immediately leapt up to protect him from further harm.

"Let us go, Kiba!" Lee called out. Kiba nodded. They both turned and prepared to run after Naruto.

As Shikamaru slowly led Chouji away from the battlefield, Kiba and Lee took a step forward, only to stumble and back up when Kyuubi suddenly appeared in front of them.

"I take my promises seriously, brats," the fox growled as he bared his fangs. With both hands, he shoved them back before he turned and ran after a white-haired man that was currently making a run for it.

That was a strong push! Falling upon their backside, the two slid a meter back before they rolled to their feet. They tried to chase after Naruto again.

They didn't go far before something struck them hard from behind, causing the two to fly forward.

"Hinata! Wait!" Kiba shouted when he saw who it was.

"Where is Hanabi?" Hinata demanded, her Byakugan giving her a menacing look in the darkness.

"She's probably following Naruto!" Kiba shouted back as he hurriedly backed up. The rough bark of a tree soon impeded his escape.

Hinata stopped advancing to look up her father.

"Where did Naruto-kun go?" she demanded looking down at them once again.

Lee wordlessly pointed in the right direction.

Hiashi and Hinata turned and started to run off. Only to be knocked aside when Kyuubi blindsided them. Getting to their feet, the two Hyuugas and the fox faced off.

A large shadow suddenly blocked out the moon.

Lee and Kiba barely had time to realize that this shadow was not natural before the tidal wave of sand swept them away.

Lee dug his way out of the sand in a heartbeat and running toward Gaara an instant later.

"Gaara-san! Stop!" Lee shouted when a wave knocked him back.

However, Gaara wasn't going to stop with a single wave of sand. A second wave immediately sprung up to follow the first. And then a third, and a fourth. Gaara's grin grew as an eerie laugh emanated from his lips.

Coughing, Lee struggled against the waves crashing upon him. For every step forward that he took, he was knocked back two. But that wasn't going to stop him. In fact...

"Uwoah! I shall break through this moving wall of sand in one minute! And if I can't do that, I shall try to jump over each wave until I reach Gaara-san! And if I can't do that, I shall run against these waves for 2 hours. And..." Lee determinedly shouted as he charged forward, his energy renewed.

Meanwhile, Kiba finally dug himself out with a gasp. Pulling his weakened body out, he soon found himself rolling limply down the hill of sand and straight toward the red-haired man. A sandaled foot stepped on him, stopping his roll.

Kiba suddenly grunted when he was suddenly used as a launch pad...the man wasn't light.

Since Kyuubi was currently high in the air, the reaching palms of the Hyuugas struck nothing. Right when he reached the apex of his jump, he suddenly flickered out of view.

And ended up behind Hiashi. The white-eyed man turned around just in time to prevent himself from being knocked unconscious.

Hinata slowly approached the red-haired man from behind in an attempt to flank him.

Meanwhile, Kiba was painfully pushing himself off of the ground and to his feet. A body suddenly flew over his head, missing him by scant centimeters.

It was Hinata. And she was off of the ground and on her feet in mere moments. She glared at Kiba.

"You are here to keep us from taking Hanabi back aren't you?" Hinata demanded.

"No, wait!" Kiba shouted as he dodged.

He quickly swerved around a series of attacks. It was obvious that Hinata wasn't listening. "Akamaru!" Kiba shouted loudly.

There was a loud bark and a small white dog heroically appeared in the clearing. Kiba's companion quickly ran over.

Kiba gave a sigh of relief when Hinata stopped fighting and bent down to pet Akamaru.

His relief was short lived when he realized that Hinata and Akamaru were looking strangely at him.

"Hold him down Akamaru!" Hinata ordered.

"Akamaru you traitor!" Kiba cried when Akamaru's sharp teeth nipped at his pant leg. He turned and tried to run back to the gates. But a blur passed him. Turning Kiba's eyes widened when he saw that Hinata was now in front of him.

He almost didn't dodge the glowing palm strike.

"Hey hey, isn't that going a little too far Hinata?" Kiba stammered before he heard a low growl from behind him. "Dammit."

He was surrounded.

The battle was slowly winding down by now. Gaara was starting to feel exhausted. With tremendous effort, Lee finally managed to pierce Gaara's continuous waves of sand.

"I am sorry, Gaara."

Taijutsu was Gaara's weakest point, so it was easy to take down the sand genin.

"Too easy," Kyuubi said with a smirk as he finished off his knot. He had tied Hiashi to a tree with his whip as the rope. Without Hinata as backup, it had been easy to manuever around the Hyuuga Head and knock him down.

Nearby, "Agh, Akamaru!" Kiba and Hinata's fight was about to end.

Distracted by his companion biting his ankle, Kiba soon collapsed bonelessly. "I will not let you steal Hanabi away," Hinata proclaimed as she pulled back her glowing hand away.

It was time for the finals, the three remaining fighters were Kyuubi, Lee, and Hinata. Due to the lack of the prerequisite number required for a paired match, 2, it was time for the three to engage in a battle royale.

"I don't have time for this," the foxman proclaimed as he grabbed both of the tired genin and threw them into a nearby swamp.

The winner? Kyuubi.

He dashed off into the night.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Naruto successfully escaped from Konoha's walls that night.

As for the fate of the night crowd:

Throughout the entire battle, Neji was sleeping peacefully.

Hanabi was indeed following Naruto. She had managed to sneak past without anyone's notice. Perhaps it was her age and small size. Or maybe it was her apparent exhaustion that screamed pushover. The thing is, she passed under everyone's threat radar.

If it weren't for Hiashi's and Hinata's attempt to chase after Naruto, Jiraiya would not have managed to break past. However, when faced with three people trying to pass him, Kyuubi quickly decided to let Jiraiya pass so he could stop the two with more malevolent intent.

Kyuubi tried hunting for the white-haired sennin afterwards, but Jiraiya was good at disappearing when he didn't want to be found. Especially since the pervert was a master at hiding without the need for genjutsu.

Along the way, Jiraiya picked up an exhausted white-eyed girl as he continued to track Naruto.

Hinata and Lee were finally able to crawl out of the swamp. A leaf patrol arrived right then, and with their help they returned the unconscious or sleeping people to Konoha.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Omake! Ichi!

Kyuubi sat in a bar in girl form.

"Bartender! Another round for the miss here!" a newcomer shouted as he took a seat on the stool next to her.

He was soon gaping in surprise when the woman took the large mug, and chugged the entire thing down in one gulp.

"How many has she had so far?" he asked, turning and asking an inebriated patron.

"I lost count after the first 6," was the reply.

It was cheating, her chakra burned off the liquor before it entered her system.

But she really liked the taste of liquor. And it was so easy to take advantage of these monkeys.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Omake! Ni!

Lee struck Gaara a bit too hard on the head. The next thing everyone knew, Shukaku was out and rampaging about. Everyone scattered, even Kyuubi. The fox returned moments later however, aboard a giant ship that miyahed. Yes, it was the same type of ship as the one that successfully managed to break through Jurai's space defenses and wreak havoc before slipping out again.

"Fire at will, Kyu-ohki!" Kyuubi cackled.

-o-o-o-o-o-

**Naruto Profile:  
**Surprisingly, Naruto wasn't very depressed this chapter. It's neat how she bounces back really quickly.

I must stress that she isn't stupid. What she did in the beginning says otherwise, but she's merely a bit out of it.

When Naruto helps out...if you ask her to choose, she tends to select things that will make her happy.

Naruto can be bossy at times, particularly when she wants something.

She trusts technology. While it can fail on you, technology will never lies to you, deceive you, nor does it glare at you. That's why she's so eager to see the newest innovations.

Naruto believes that when you marry someone, you declare your friendship to them.

**Hanabi Profile:  
**There isn't anything significant to add other than the fact that Hanabi was too focused on the marriage problem that she completely forgot to wonder what her father would think. She was just returning home after a long day at civil service when she caught sight of Naruto sneaking away with a backpack on her back.

Why was she at civil service? The scroll that she showed Naruto was permission from Tsunade to alter the records despite her underaged status. It didn't give her the ability to circumvent red tape though. Hanabi still had a lot of forms to fill out and she waited in line for a long time.

Hanabi understands that because she's married to Naruto, Naruto is now her partner. However, when she thinks partner, she thinks of someone who will go with her on missions in the future. She has no clue that this is not marriage.

Tsunade and Shizune wanted to dress the girl when she arrived. However...well...even I don't know what Hanabi did. All I know is that she managed to freeze the two in place. When it came to the marriage issue though, Tsunade laughed wholeheartedly and then agreed. No bullying from the small girl there.

**Ino Profile:  
**Ino...well, she's forceful. And overbearing. And if you wear bad fashion, don't expect to escape. Especially if you're a fellow blond girl. The cuts and bruises on Naruto's arms and face were the result of her epic struggle against the 'girl with a hundred arms,' Ino. Ino actually has only 2 arms, but when there's an obstacle in front of her, her determination, and an oddity where her hands are hard to grab and hold, makes it easy for her to get around the obstacle with a bit of effort. In short, it seems like she has a hundred hands to attack with. Theoretically, Ino could probably beat up a giant squid, which only has 10 large arms.

**Kyuubi Profile:  
**Kyuubi is a master of illusions. So why can't he take on the form of a woman?

-o-o-o-o-o-

A/N: Naruto with a sword? The first thing that came to mind was that, guy or girl, she can't use it very well. The second thing that came to mind was that Naruto would be like a Nodoka that I had read once who scared the hell out of her husband. To summarize, Genma didn't want to commit seppuku with his wife as a second because she was so bad with the sword that he was absolutely certain that she would would miss his neck the first time...and the second time...and the third time...and...well, it'd be a long, messy, and painful death.

A/N: Despite what you see in this chapter, I stand by my 'No Pairing' stance. You'll see why in the next and last chapter.

-o-o-o-o-o-

**Acknowledgements:**

Thanks to arielrocks for asking whether Kyuubi has the ability to disguise himself so that he can stalk Naruto. This is my answer.

Thanks to Ami for suggesting an orange costume for Naruto. I bring you...an orange luigi costume! Because Naruto isn't fat enough for a Mario costume.

Thanks to Andrew Joshua Talon for pointing out the redheaded lady in Lee's chapter and Kyuubi in the recent chapters. I hope this addresses the issue.

Because of you three, I was able to rapidly create this chapter despite the two term papers due in two days.

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-o-o-o-o-o-

_Himitsu Omake! Ichi!_

Hanabi woke up with a large yawn. She immediately realized that she wasn't on her bed or in her room.

She quickly peered outside in confusion.

"Ah!" Naruto shouted, when she saw her tent flap move. "Hanabi-chan! Good morning!" she shouted from her place by the campfire. Jiraiya sat on the other side, heartily eating his breakfast. She held out a spoonful of rice from the cooking pot. "Want some?"

Hanabi immediately hid back in the tent as she started to panic. Yesterday wasn't a dream! She really did get married without her father's permission!

But that wasn't what worried her. It was easy to fix...if she were in the village. But she wasn't in the village! And once her father found out then...then...th-

The tent was empty mere moments later, the tent flap flying outwards as Hanabi zoomed outside.

"Hana-grrk?!" Naruto was suddenly hauled up into the air by the shorter girl.

"We have to go! Now!" Hanabi shouted, her eyes wide with fear. A surprising expression on the normally reserved girl.

They heard a large tree suddenly toppled over. There was a dull roar as several more cracked and fell soon after the first one.

Then the ground shook as a particularly large tree came from the air and landed a little ways off from their campsite. It looked as tall as the Hokage tower, and a quarter the width. To see it bounce like a rubber ball...

Hanabi immediately ran off in a random direction.

The sennin and his new student wasted little time packing what they could and dashing after the fleeing girl.

-o-o-o-o-o-

A/N: In other words, I use Hanabi's sleepiness as the reason for not returning home and consulting her father on a serious matter.

No, Hiashi didn't actually start throwing trees. Who do you think he is? Superman? For the next several days though, he dogged the trio relentlessly. Because she had went against her father's wishes several times in the previous day, Hanabi was too scared to turn around and return to him. What if her father disowned her because she had disobeyed him by mistake? Yeah, this is a flaw of good girls. They don't know what will happen if they fail to live up to their parent's expectations.


	12. Book 2

**Book 2: The Training Journey of Uzumaki Naruto, Girl.**

The chapters in Book 2 are significantly different from Book 1. While the odd humor is still present, it's not as obvious.

We also have a marked departure from the character of the week thing in Book 1. Here, we focus on the three main characters: Hanabi, Jiraiya and Naruto. The story style will be slice-of-life. But with a healthy dose of action and emotion.

The feel is different, and many of the readers may get bored. So...come back when Book 3 comes out, ne?

If you want to stay, hit the next button. You might like it. And if you don't, flame me. I'm particularly interested in how fake you thought the emotional responses were.


	13. Book 2: Hanabi! Jiraiya's Student

_And now for something different. Waffier, less action-ey, improved dialogue, odd humor. It's not too different, I suppose._

The Trials of Uzumaki Naruto, Girl  
by TamaSaga

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

A/N: This took a long time...because everything was planned out.

I'm totally serious. I got scared at how long the chapter was going to be. And then later, I realized that it still didn't cover enough.

I had been thinking about doing this for a while, and I finally decided, why not.

Instead of writing the epilogue directly, I'm going to create a book 2 and 3, which will contain all of the material from the epilogue, expanded into several chapters.

NOTE: There is a significant difference between this chapter and the previous ones. The humor is slightly less, for one. There's also less action. It's primarily because I'm focusing more on emotion and storytelling. These are important skills that I need for another story.

* * *

_It's time for Naruto's delayed training trip with Jiraiya. However, they have an unexpected tagalong. And where is Kyuubi in all of this?_

* * *

Book 2, Chapter 1: Training Journey Year 0

* * *

A small fire finally jumped up from the small pile of dried grass and leaves, gobbling up the smoke as it reached for the sky. And then it stopped growing.

Naruto dropped the sticks that she had been rubbing together before she wearily sat back.

"Finally got that fire going, huh gaki?"

"Shut it ero-sennin," the young blond shot back before she gazed in contentment at the rapidly growing campfire. "Why couldn't you have taught me a fire jutsu to make this easier."

"You're going to want to create techniques eventually," Jiraiya said with a glint in his eye, "How are you going to without hard work?"

"You say it so cool. But how is rubbing sticks together going to create some awesome technique?" Naruto demanded angrily as she stood up.

"How should I know," Jiraiya guffawed as he held out the dried rations.

"Stupid pervert," Naruto angrily muttered as she swiped her portion and sat down, biting moodily into the chewy jerky before ripping a chunk out and glaring angrily at her teacher. Taking advantage of her just because he didn't want to work.

Hanabi took her portion with far less emotion.

It was right when Jiraiya was about to eat when something fell from the sky.

"Ah! God!" Jiraiya cursed vehemently. The source of the disgusting bomb soon revealed itself when it landed upon his shoulder and gave a coo. He ripped the message off of the carrier pigeon's foot and moved to smack the bird away, but it fluttered off, narrowly avoiding the offending hand. It landed on a nearby branch, cooing as if it were mocking him.

Jiraiya sat down with a growl and started to read the letter from Tsunade.

"..." he was silent for a long moment.

Before Naruto could ask what was wrong, Jiraiya finally blinked and said, "pack it up." He stood up and threw his soiled jerky into the campfire. It happily gobbled up the dried meat, and crawled forward for more, only to shrink back as the old man started to kick dirt onto it with a sandaled foot.

"But we just settled down Ero-sennin," Naruto vehemently protested as she jumped in front to stop the old man's attempt to put out the fire.

"Don't argue with me brat, pack everything up NOW." He practically screamed the last word.

When his voice had stopped echoing through the trees, the group noticed that the forest had fallen silent.

"..." Hanabi had stopped eating her portion to look up.

Jiraiya warily looked around before he quietly said. "Brat, don't pack up..."

"What!" the blonde loudly screeched. "Make up your damn mi-"

Jiraiya slammed a hand over Naruto's mouth, but it was too late. In the newly regained silence, a distant crashing sound was heard.

Several more followed, it seemed like something was approaching fast.

"There's no time to pack up," Jiraiya growled in a low voice. He pulled his hand away. "Run."

"Eh?!"

Several nearby branches suddenly broke.

"Run!" Jiraiya loudly repeated himself as he hauled both girls up in one motion and threw them forward before dashing off himself.

The fire that Naruto worked so hard to start promptly puffed out when something stormed through the campsite as it chased after the escaping sannin and the two girls.

-o-o-o-o-o-

"Hurry! It's catching up!" Naruto shouted when she saw the shadow appear in the distance.

"Shut it gaki! Do you even know the meaning of stealth?" Jiraiya hissed as he continued to

"How can we be stealthy if we're flat out running?!" Naruto challenged.

"Maybe he'll be lenient if he catches us." Hanabi gibbered as she let herself be dragged along. She seemed to know who was chasing them.

"Daughter!!!" Hiashi loudly shouted.

Hanabi had never seen her father mad before. Nor had she ever heard him yell. It was no wonder she jumped to the logical conclusion that he was mad at her. She hadn't meant to make him mad. It was an accident!

Her mood started to sadden, and soon she was at the point where she had shut out the outside world. Bad mistake, she never saw the large rock until one of her feet caught right on it. She tripped and fell, the same motion breaking Naruto's loose hold on her wrist.

Hanabi landed heavily upon the damp forest floor, scraping her hands and knees in the process. Slowly picking herself up, she slowly raised both dirty hands to her eyes, and then she began to bawl loudly.

_Several meters ahead._

"Ero-sennin! Stop! We can't leave her." Naruto shouted as she tried to break free from his grip.

"Brat, you are the only one that I'm supposed to be babysitting. I can't watch over her as well. Don't worry, she'll be fine. And once Hiashi takes his daughter back, we won't have to run anymore."

But Naruto wasn't listening to reason. "Dammit!" she shouted as she continued trying to pull her wrist away, Jiraiya's grip was too strong. She opened her mouth wide and leapt forward as she prepared to take a bite out of the pervert.

* THUD *

Jiraiya was sent flying in another direction, Naruto was pulled along for the ride. They landed heavily on the ground. Before they could realize what happened, Naruto found herself ripped from the stunned old man's grip.

"Kyuubi!" she shouted when she realized who was responsible for their impromptu flight.

"Brat." The red haired man promptly greeted.

"Why is everyone calling me that?"

"You're a brat, brat." Before Naruto could argue, Kyuubi pointed in the opposite direction.

Turning to look, Naruto quickly broke free from his grip and ran back the way that they came. Kyuubi's form disappeared as the afterimage finally faded away.

Several sticks snapped, marking Hiashi's arrival in the clearing. Hanabi stopped crying and tearfully looked up at her father's stern countenance. They remained still, staring at each other for a long moment before the older Hyuuga frowned. The girl's white eyes widened in horror and she shuffled backwards slightly.

Hiashi never had a chance to move closer to his daughter, or say anything for that matter.

"Hoohah!" Kyuubi shouted as he leapt from a tree and extended a foot.

He was aiming for Hiashi's head. But his attack failed when Hiashi carelessly backhanded him in mid-flight, sending him flying into the trees.

The distraction was all Naruto needed to appear and snatch Hanabi's hand. Pulling the smaller girl up, she hurriedly dragged her away as Hiashi turned back around.

"Daughter!" Hiashi roared as he prepared to chase after the two girls. That was when he heard a growl from behind.

Before the Hyuuga Head could defend himself, he found himself tied to a tree. "come back," he helplessly shouted as he tried to break free before they could escape.

Several minutes later, Kyuubi stopped guarding his prisoner and leapt up into the trees, before disappearing with nary a rustling of the leaves.

Hiashi remained tied to the tree a moment longer before the ropes finally fell away. He was finally free, but his daughter was long gone now. He weren't even within sight of his Byakugan anymore.

-o-o-o-o-o-

_An hour later,_

Kyuubi landed in a distant clearing a few kilometers away from the original campsite. He found the three resting wearily upon a rotting log.

"Stop following us!" Naruto shouted when she spotted the redhaired man.

"It's not like I have a choice," the redhaired man grumbled. "Here." he said as he threw a set of objects at the monkeys. The three traveling packs landed upon the ground in front of the three.

Turning around, Kyuubi disappeared back from wherever he came.

Curious, Naruto picked up the pack that landed closest to her and opened it. "Ramen," she happily shouted before she took a second look into the backpack. "Oh my god, Ero-sennin's underwear," she shouted in horror. There was no time to waste...ripping the ramen out of the bag, she let out a choked sob as she dug a hole. Gently placing the packages in and then covering them in dirt, she whispered a tearful prayer to the ones that had given their lives for the cause before she started to cry.

Stars filled her vision soon after when something struck her over the head. "A first aid kit?" she asked as she bent down and picked up the item.

"Clean up the girl's wounds," Jiraiya tiredly ordered.

"Why can't you do it?" Naruto challenged.

"Sure." The old man said as he reached forward to take back the small white box. "But that means I'll be too tired to teach you tomorrow."

It was a flat out lie...

- Zoom! -

...but it got Naruto moving.

"Hey hey." she said from in front of the younger girl. "Let me see your hands."

Hanabi stared at the blond for a moment before she frowned and crossed her arms. She pivoted around so that her back was now facing the older girl.

"Hey, c'mon." Naruto pleaded. But the white-eyed girl stubbornly refused to turn back around.

_Moments passed._

"What are you doing?!" Hanabi shakily demanded as she leapt off of the log and turned around, one of her hands was busy protecting her backside.

After Hanabi ripped the back of her shirt from her grasp, Naruto found that her hand was now empty. Lowering it, she looked up at the younger girl with a confused look on her face. "Seeing if you had any scratches on your back."

"I don't."

"Are you sure?"

"This is my body. How would I not know?" Hanabi asked, arrogantly tilting her nose up at the other girl. Her lips were trembling visibly.

"I dunno," Naruto chirped in reply. "Hey!" she shouted in surprise. "What's that in your hands?"

"?" Hanabi looked at her hands, only to find them seized by slightly larger ones.

"A couple scratches. Don't worry, I'll fix them," Naruto said as she pulled the younger girl's hand over and liberally applied rubbing alcohol to the deeply scratched palm.

"What are you doing," Hanabi demanded as she ripped her hand away before Naruto could finish. She resisted the urge to wince from the stinging pain.

But Naruto wasn't finished yet; quickly crouching down, she lifted the bottom of the torn kimono to expose the younger girl's knees. In the same motion, she expertly dabbed alcohol on the wounds, taking care to brush to the side slightly to pull out any dirt particles.

Before Naruto could finish, she found a foot buried painfully in her chest. She fell backwards and gasped for a moment before leaping up angrily. "What was that for?!" she loudly demanded.

"I should be asking you that!" Hanabi shouted back...and then she paused and sniffed. Before she could regain control of her emotions, tears formed in the corner of her eyes. Hanabi slowly sat down, and then the dam broke.

Naruto immediately panicked. Falling to her knees before the bawling girl, she waved her hands comically and shouted, "Don't cry yo. I'm really sorry and I take back whatever mean thing I said." In moments, she found herself on her back again, one hand holding her throbbing cheek as she stared up in shock.

"You kidnapped me!" Hanabi shrieked angrily at the blonde as she pulled her fist back and then used it to angrily wipe away the tears.

"No we didn't!" the blond defended as she stood up again. "You came with us!"

Hanabi shook her head furiously before glaring up at Naruto, causing the other girl to shrink back. "Baka!" the younger girl barked at the ground. She looked up. "Admit it!"

"Admit what?!"

"You kidnapped me!"

"No we didn't!"

Hanabi looked like she wanted to shout some more, but she forcefully clamped her mouth shut, through force of will alone, and growled angrily for several moments. "Shut up! Just shut up, I don't want to hear your voice anymore!" she finally cried out as she leaned forward off of the log and fell upon her knees. She angrily punched the ground over and over again.

"Hey, stop that!" Naruto shouted as she ran over and tried to restrain the young girl. She was knocked down once again.

Jiraiya watched the interaction between the two before and an idea formed in his mind.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Tsunade called Hiashi into her office a few days later and handed him a letter.

_Dear Father,_

_Uzumaki-san's sensei, Jiraiya-sama, has offered to train me. _

_I have accepted. Are you st _(scratched out and unreadable writing).

_Signed,_

_Hanabi Hyuuga. Heir of Hyuuga Clan._

Try as he might, Hiashi could not make out the scratched out words. Which was rather ironic because his daughter's handwriting was very neat and refined. He finally gave up, "So that white haired perverted old man was really the legendary Jiraiya-sama."

Tsunade nodded.

A frown appeared on the Hyuuga Head's face, "It's too dangerous."

Tsunade was expecting this, and she had planned out what she was going to do the instant this was brought up.

First she stood up from her seat and placed both hands on the desk to support herself as she glared Hiashi in the eyes in an attempt to intimidate him. He flinched slightly, but easily stood his ground.

But this was just to set the stage. Tsunade was now prepared and ready to explain why her teammate was the best possible sensei for the two girls at this time.

_Many kilometers away...  
_Jiraiya suddenly keeled over as if he had been stabbed.

"Jiraiya-sama?" Hanabi asked curiously.

"It's nothing," the old man replied. "I just felt someone call me a disgusting, womanizing, perverted old..."

_Back at the Hokage's tower...  
_"...but I have no doubt that Jiraiya is more than capable of defending your daughter from any nin, missing or not." Tsunade finished.

"Yes, but that is only half of my worries. The old man is a..."

_Many kilometers away,_   
At the very same moment, a vein appeared on Jiraiya's forehead. "Respect your sensei, gaki," he said as he smacked the blond girl upon the back of her head eliciting a cry of pain. "And I'm not just a pervert, I'm a super pervert!"

"What the hell are you talking about ero-sennin?!" Naruto angrily shouted as she rubbed the back of her head. "I just laughed and said 'why are you complainin'? it's true'."

*Bonk*

"Ite!"

_Back at the tower again,  
_Tsunade was doing her best to reassure the clan head that his daughter was safe from the perverted wiles of her old teammate. "Don't worry. She's too young for him, Hiashi-san. And besides, Naruto is there to keep my old teammate in line if he gets out of hand."

"Naruto...isn't she the one that Neji tried to court last week?"

Tsunade slowly nodded.

"Putting all of your faith in THAT girl to keep my daughter free from his perversions? I bear no such securities."

Instead of rising to the bait, Tsunade sat back down. "That reminds me. Now that the situation has changed, instead of giving new orders to your spies, Jiraiya requests that you call them off."

"For what purpose?"

"Several of his training techniques are not to be known outside of master and student."

"A sound reason. Very well, I'll see to the matter." the Hyuuga head said as he turned to leave the room.

Tsunade watched him step out, knowing fully well that Hiashi had not explicitly stated that he was going to call off his spies. She promptly pulled out a large bottle of Sake. Her old teammate could easily handle them. The cap popped off.

-o-o-o-o-o-

_Out in the middle of nowhere..._

Hanabi was sitting quietly upon a log, she turned when she heard heavy footsteps.

"Here you go Stuck Up-chan," Naruto said as she held something out.

Hanabi slowly took it, completely ignoring Naruto's insulting nickname. "What's this?"

"A flower."

"I can see that. What is it for?" Hanabi replied with a hint of distaste and irritation.

"Girls always cheer up whenever they're given a flower," Naruto wisely said, as if it were a fact of life.

"Do they?" Hanabi asked. She took the orange flower without a word and stared at it for a moment. "No thank you," she finally said as she threw the flower aside. She stared sullenly back into the water again.

Naruto watched the flower land several meters away. Walking over, she picked it up before walking back and taking a seat next to the smaller girl. The two sat silently for some time before Naruto, driven by boredom and near infinite energy, picked up a nearby rock.

She threw it as hard as she could.

~Plop.~

She felt a little better, but it still wasn't enough. So she picked up another rock.

~Plop.~

It was on the 5th rock when something interesting happened.

Skip, Plop.

"..." Naruto stared wordlessly at the rock's final landing spot for a moment before she picked up another rock.

~Plop.~

2 more rocks later...

Skip, Plop. 

'Ha!" Naruto shouted as she stood up and cheered.

"Stop that." Hanabi finally said.

Naruto's enthusiasm died down a little as she slowly sat down with a kicked puppy look on her face. It was soon replaced by a large foxlike grin. "You're just jealous that you can't do that."

Hanabi picked up a rock. And then hurled it at a shallow angle.

Skip, skip, skip, ~plop.~

"..." Naruto gaped in shock and amazement.

Hanabi turned and stared blankly at the blonde, but there was a hint of smugness in her eyes.

"You cheated!" The neogirl finally shouted.

Hanabi narrowed her eyes at the accusation. "How can I cheat when it's just throwing rocks?"

"I dunno, I-"

A loud thump sounded behind them, causing the two girls to turn around.

"Hyuuga-sama," Jiraiya said with a nod toward Hanabi before he turned to Naruto, "brat."

"Hey!"

"...Time for bed." Jiraiya continued without pausing.

"What?! We're not kids."

"Successful training starts with a sound mind and body. Get some rest, or else training tomorrow will be very light."

Naruto scoffed. "How can that be a bad thing?"

"Only lazy brats fail to see the importance of hard work"

"..."

Jiraiya decided to sweeten the deal. "I've been meaning to teach you a new technique, but seeing how you'll be too tired to listen tomorrow morning, I think I'll hold off...for, oh I don't know. How does a month later sound?"

"Fine." Naruto growled before a foreign feeling pervaded her being. It was almost like she had forgotten something. She was soon knocking the side of her head with a small fist as she struggled to remember what was so important. It quickly came to her. "But there are only two sleeping bags."

"Yeah? Are you volunteering to sleep on the floor, brat?"

"No way!"

"Then we're going to have to share."

"...huh?" Naruto asked. Hanabi was equally as confused.

-o-o-o-o-o-

"It's a bit tight in here," Naruto grunted as she struggled to move.

"Quit moving around, brat," Jiraiya muttered from his side of the sleeping bag.

The two finally found an arrangement that they were comfortable with. Well no, but at least they stopped shifting restlessly.

After several moments of silence, Jiraiya opened his eyes and grinned. "Kiss me."

"No!"

"Why not Naru-chan?" the old man unhappily asked.

"Don't call me that, pervert." Naruto grumped.

"It's just a good night's kiss."

"Yeah right, what're you really up to you old fart?!"

"Naru-chan doesn't trust me," Jiraiya said with mock pain.

"Dammit, I told you to stop calling me that!"

"What would you like then? Cutie? Sweetie-pie? Honey?"

Naruto gagged. "Earth to Ero, you're old enough to be my grandfather."

"Perhaps. But it won't be so bad in a few years."

Naruto had a look of disbelief on her face. "You're not sayin'..."

"Indeed I am, gaki! You might be young now, but you'll be quite a looker in the future. I'm just making an early investment. Think about all the fun we'll have on those long nights."

Naruto didn't quite understand what Jiraiya was suggesting, but the thought of doing anything other than training with the old pervert, like hugging, had her ramen-craving stomach turning flip-flops and her tanned face turning a pale white. "Get out of my sleeping bag!" she shrieked as she struggled to shove him out.

"But there are only two sleeping bags," the old man whined.

"I don't care!"

"Would you really let an old man lie outside on the cold earth and pointy rocks?!"

Naruto sputtered for a moment, she wasn't that cruel. Sasuke maybe, but not her. She was about to give in when she saw the dim form of their third member. "Sleep in Stuck-up-chan's bag then! Now get out!"

Jiraiya sighed. "I can see that I have no choice." He started to pull himself out.

A loud ripping noise could be heard.

"Agh! Wait, stop! You're breaking it!"

"Make up your mind. Do I leave or stay."

"Stay, stay!"

"I think I'll leave anyway, a noisy girl like you probably kicks in her sleep."

Before Naruto could protest, the old man was out of the bag and behind a tree, leaving her with an overstretched bag.

If it was big for her before, it was far oversized now. But the cavernous bag wasn't what had her attention. Instead, she was staring curiously at what the old man was doing. When he pulled something out, she started to shout again.

"What?! You had that the whole time?!"

"Turns out this one was wrapped with yours. Lucky huh?"

"I'll show you lucky," Naruto growled as she pushed herself up to a standing position. She pulled the sleeping bag up higher, as if it were a potato sack, before comically hopping over to chew out the old pervert. "Why did you want to sleep in my bag when you cou-"

A strange tinkling sound echoed through the clearing, causing the two to stop and look over at their third member.

Hanabi was laughing. It was shy and hesitant, but it sounded pleasant enough that the two were left wondering why she didn't laugh more often.

A grin soon appeared on Jiraiya's face as he put a grandfatherly hand on top of Naruto's head. The blond promptly shrugged it off and glared warningly at the old man.

Jiraiya didn't care however. Mission success. Good to know that he still had it in him.

* * *

Omake! Ichi!

Hanabi yawned and sat up.

She sat there for some time before she finally turned her head to see Naruto standing beside her. Her eyes widened before she covered herself protectively with the sleeping bag.

Naruto remained undeterred. "Ero-sennin is out again."

"..."

"As his students, we should teach him a lesson for...wait, where are you going?"

"..."

"Hey hey, I'm talking to you," Naruto shouted as she ran after the shorter girl.

After washing up at a nearby stream, Hanabi found a nearby clearing and began to warm up.

"C'mon. We need to get back at the pervert!" Naruto insisted.

It was when Hanabi started to run through a basic group of katas that Naruto finally gave up and walked away with a grumble.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Later that day, Jiraiya happily entered the camp with a spring in his step and a cheerful hum. He had found some exceptional material today. That new girl was perfect for his novel.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he almost didn't notice the tripwire. But he wasn't one of the sannin for nothing. Stepping over it with a chuckle, he soon sat down upon the log before he wondered where his two students had disappeared off to.

He soon found out when one of them bowled into him and began to cry.

Jiraiya helplessly patted the white-eyed girl on the back several times before he dropped a fist onto her noggin. She disappeared with a poof.

Naruto appeared soon after from behind a tree, a disappointed look on her face.

"Nice try, gaki," the old man gloated. He reached down into his pocket while saying, "You were looking for this, right?" The superior expression dropped away from his face when his hand came up empty.

He started to pat his other pockets frantically. "Where is it?"

He finally looked up and caught sight of the grin on the brat's face. "You!" he roared. "What did you do with my precious material?!"

Instead of replying, Naruto just pointed and Jiraiya turned around.

Hanabi was standing calmly next to the tripwire, the notebook above it and ready to be dropped at a moments notice.

"Ero-sennin, we have a few demands that we want met. If you wish to see your research again, you will agree," the blond smugly said.

What neither girl had counted upon was Jiraiya's ability to raise a horrendous killing intent. Frozen in place by images of their death, the old man calmly walked over and easily plucked his notepad out from Hanabi's unresisting fingers. He quickly hid the notebook away before producing a blank one.

He whistled when he saw what remained after the tripwire was set off.

The killing intent disappeared soon afterwards.

When the two girls finally recovered, they looked up and saw the old man scowling down at them. They slowly turned to see what he was pointing at, their eyes widening when they saw the ruined notebook.

"You two have just destroyed material that I had spent months gathering," he growled. A large grin suddenly filled his face. It could only be described as...evil. "But I figured out a way to gather what I lost in half the time."

Both girls shivered.

-o-o-o-o-

The next day, Naruto and Hanabi both showed up at the local hot springs with a collar around their neck and a camera hidden inside their hair. When they tried to point the cameras away from the bathing women, a zap on their necks, that was almost painful, told them that they were looking the wrong way.

"This is all your fault," Hanabi angrily said.

* * *

Chapter Preview:

"Still feeling homesick Stuck-up-chan?"

"..."

"C'mon, stop ignoring me!"

Next up! Book 2, Chapter 2: First Year into the Training Journey

Jya'n.

* * *

The zapping collars? The idea probably comes from Hawk's Love Hina Story, "Married with Princess." I'm guessing the video cameras come from Innortal's Love Hina Story, "Prince of PolPol." *shrug*

As for the omake...you'll be pleased to know that Jiraiya isn't cruel enough to use the collars. However, he did manage to guilt trip the two kids into smuggling the cameras in, but they stared defiantly at the divider that separated the men's side from the woman's side for the entire time.


	14. Book 2: School Days

_Yes, Naruto is still a girl. But it doesn't seem like it in these recent chapters. Strange huh?_

The Trials of Uzumaki Naruto, Girl  
by TamaSaga

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

* * *

_Jiraiya is taking care of two students now, Naruto and Hanabi. It promises to be rather interesting...or it would if he figured more prominently in this chapter. So what sort of tale can I create without the great toad-hermit and his training techniques?_

_It's a year after the previous chapter, let's find out._

* * *

Book 2, Chapter 2: Training Journey Year 1

* * *

Naruto weakly pushed herself up.

This was her most difficult battle yet. Sure, she had charged headlong into the confrontation, but it didn't take long for her to regret her actions.

She could feel herself growing weaker with time. Already, her arms shook as the stifling atmosphere of her surroundings drained her energy with each passing second.

She had to break free and run for it!

She had to!

Summoning the last reserves of her strength, she prepared to stand.

But she couldn't...

...her reserves were empty.

That was when a vague recollection of a previous escape attempt popped up in her mind. That one had failed too. And she ended up losing the reserves that she was attempting to tap now.

All hope of escape evaporated into thin air.

So this was it...

...the end.

It was disappointing, really. She was dying in such an uncool manner. And to make things worse, her stomach hurt!

Her eyes slowly shut as her energy ran out.

She had a brief glimpse of the desk rising to meet her face. There was a distant thud and a brief flash of pain before the world went black.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Sky-blue eyes slowly opened. But they were glazed and unfocused.

Naruto quickly shut them to shield them from the bright sun. Lifting her hands so that they were just touching her eyelids, she vigorously rubbed the sleep away.

It was a rather cute scene.

When she finally opened her eyes again, the glaze had disappeared, and light reflected nicely off of them.

Naruto blinked twice before she sat up and put both hands behind her head. She reached for the ceiling in a tremendous stretch and a satisfied moan left her lips. That done, she wiped the drool from the corner of her mouth before looking around in confusion.

Where was she?

For a brief moment, she thought she had died. And then she remembered. Oh yeah. Ero-sennin had stopped at this city to gather information. In order to disguise their whereabouts, Ero-sennin had forced her to assume the guise of a civilian girl.

And that was how she found herself enrolled in a local school with specific instructions of what not to do.

Naruto groaned and rested her chin on her desk. Were all schools doomed to be boring?

After several moments of resting. She finally sat up and looked around. Where was everyone?

And then her stomach growled loudly, causing Naruto to bend over and clutch her stomach - the pain had returned. Please please, was it lunchtime yet?! She glanced up at the clock. Finally! Why couldn't lunch be 2 hours earlier, when her stomach first started to eat at itself?!

Where was Stuck-up-chan anyway? She was in charge of lunch today.

Getting up and smoothing her depressingly not-orange skirt so it wasn't riding uncomfortably up her butt, Naruto set off to search for her training partner and fellow classmate.

-o-o-o-o-o-

"Hey look, it's the queer white-eyed girl," several students snickered as they walked up to a small girl sitting alone in the school yard under a tree. Without asking for permission, they went and took a seat around the young "prodigy."

Hanabi continued to eat, ignoring the newcomers that had so rudely plonked themselves down around her.

"So this is the grade schooler that's in middle school?" one girl said with a smug grin as she pulled out her own lunchbox.

"They must have made a mistake. Like, she looks rather dumb if you ask me," another girl added before she bit down on a fried egg.

"We got our test back today," a girl from her class helpfully supplied. "She had a 72 on it."

"Really?! How stupid!" a fourth girl commented.

"It must be those white eyes," The girls were rewarded to the sight of Hanabi pausing. "She must be blind," the fifth whispered. The object of their teasing twitched slightly, and a conspiratorial grin grew on the tormentors' faces. They finally had something to work with.

"She isn't," someone coldly said, interrupting them before they could do anything.

The five girls turned to see the newcomer. It was the other transfer student, and there was a giant friendly-looking grin on her face.

"You!"

"Yeah, me." the class' instant celebrity cheerfully replied. "What's up? Do you want to eat lunch with us?"

Not waiting for a reply, she suddenly turned around. "Hey you!" she shouted and pointed.

A boy that had been walking past the group pointed toward himself.

"Yeah!" Naruto shouted. "Come eat with us."

The boy quickly agreed. A chance to eat with the popular transfer student was too much to pass up. Maybe if he played his cards right...

Naruto pointed to a larger group. "Oi! C'mon over! The more the merrier!"

Some of those within the group that had been watching the confrontation earlier gave a sigh before picking up their lunches and walking over. It was the least they could do to help.

Naruto continued to pull people in. In moments, there was a sizeable group beneath the tree.

Now that the party had started, Naruto turned to the white-eyed girl. "Hanabi-chan...where's my lunch?" she pleaded.

Hanabi put her chopsticks down on her lunchbox before lifting it up and pulling out a cloth bundled lunchbox that had been beneath it. Naruto eagerly unwrapped the bento before she stared at its contents.

Sighing, she reluctantly picked up the chopsticks that Stuck-up-chan had so thoughtfully included with the packaging.

She picked up a pickled cabbage and turned to the nearest student. "Hey! I'll trade you this pickled cabbage for your tempura."

The food trading had begun.

In moments, Naruto had managed to amass a large pile of sweets and other junk food. She soon started devouring them with gusto.

As the group ate, conversations sprang up and stopped. One of which involved Naruto teasing a stoic Hanabi in an attempt to get her to make a sound.

When the end-of-lunch bell finally rang, members of the group started to disperse with varying degrees of reluctance. Some, like the 5 girls, left quickly and without fanfare. Others stuck around for a little longer to say a parting comment. Eventually, all that was left was Naruto and Hanabi.

"Hee" Naruto said as she embarrassedly rubbed a cheek with a finger. "It's great to be king." She looked up and noticed that Hanabi was leaving. "oi oi, aren't you going to thank me? I got them to stop teasing you."

Hanabi continued to walk off, apparently ignoring the blond.

-o-o-o-o-o-

After school, both girls immediately headed back to the hotel room that they were staying at. Of course Naruto wanted to explore the town a little, but Jiraiya might have spotted her. And then he'd give a long lecture about how if she were spotted by any of the Akatsuki, it could mean a failed mission. And Jiraiya had emphasized how important his mission was this time. Screwing it up could be disastrous for Konoha's future.

So, not wanting to incite Ero-sennin's wrath, all Naruto could do was restlessly pace the hotel room. She finally turned to other occupant of the room.

"You're doing the homework?" Naruto asked incredulously when she finally realized what Stuck-up-chan was up to. "We're not even supposed to be in school. Who cares about grades?!"

Hanabi just ignored her as she continued to work silently, and Naruto peered over her training partner's shoulder to have a closer look.

She dizzily fell back, her eyes in swirls as confusion and dismay overran her face. Blinking rapidly, she quickly and vigorously shook her head to clear out what she had just seen. "How can you understand what they're talking about?" she demanded.

Hanabi continued to write.

A few hours later, Hanabi was still working on her homework while Naruto sat on the hotel bed and watched cartoons.

The door to the hotel room opened and shut, causing both girls to jump up and hide.

"Hiroshi gazed deeply into Tami's soft brown eyes and whispered, 'I love you.' He reached for the hem of her nightdress and-" a low voice started to say.

"Shut up Ero-sennin! We have children here!" Naruto shouted as she sprung out from her hiding spot and threw a pillow at the pervert. The white-haired man easily dodged the ambush.

"What's for dinner?" Tsunade's former teammate asked as Hanabi slowly appeared from behind the counter and hid her kunai away.

"Ra-"

"If you say ramen, I'm going to throw out those cups that you have stashed behind the dresser mirror."

"Curry chicken."

Jiraiya grinned. "Good."

There was no movement for the longest of times, causing the old pervert to frown. "Well what are you waiting for? It's your turn to cook."

"We don't have curry seasoning, or chicken, Ero-sennin," Naruto reported.

"Then why did you recommend curry chicken."

"Because I couldn't say rame-err, ahh, heh..."

She quickly covered her mouth to avoid digging herself a deeper grave.

Jiraiya sighed. "What do we have then, and what can you make with it?"

Naruto remained silent.

Jiraiya finally covered his face with a hand and groaned. "I'm going grocery shopping tomorrow," he reminded himself before he looked up. "Ramen tonight."

"Yay!"

Since the water was boiling already, it took little time to fill the hot water to the line. But the three minutes felt like forever.

Dinner was a silent affair, like usual. Jiraiya was busy thinking over today's events, Naruto was too busy eating, and Hanabi was always quiet.

When they were finished, Naruto threw herself upon the bed and burped loudly, to the disgust of the other two. "It's been two weeks already! How much longer are we going to be here?" she moaned. Going to school, then returning to the hotel. No training whatsoever, it was so boring!

Jiraiya grinned, "Heh, we're leaving tomorrow."

"Eh?!"

"You heard me. I finally managed to tap all of my contacts in this area, and it's time to move on."

"No way! Ero-sennin was actually getting something done?!" Naruto cried before she leaned forward. "What didja find out?"

"Don't worry about it, brat," Jiraiya replied with a careless wave.

"C'mon! Tell-"

- Pok. -

The two quickly turned around in surprise. They watched as Hanabi slowly put her textbook on the floor before inserting herself into her blankets and then pulling the covers over her head.

-o-o-o-o-o-

The next day,

Hanabi looked up from the leaf that she had been studying.

"It's the freak," someone from a group of girls shouted when they spotted the one waiting beside the school's gates.

"Why isn't she in uniform?"

"Has she finally realized that she's not smart enough for middle school yet?"

They slowly approached as they continued to heckle her.

Tossing the leaf aside, Hanabi reached down and picked something up from off of the ground before she calmly walked off.

Fully expecting this, the group followed, jeering the entire way.

Hanabi stopped in front of a small rickety shack. She had led the girls to a distant corner of the schoolyard wall.

Turning around, she grinned at the assembled group.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Many kilometers away, someone else had a less evil but no less happy look on her face.

With this last shopping trip, everything would be bought.

Hanabi was going to be ecstatic.

"What's the news, Hyuuga-sama?"

"My sister's birthday is coming up. Father has allowed me to plan it," Hinata cheerily said to the clerk.

"How nice, I'm sure she'll be very happy."

"I hope so."

The clerk finally finished bagging everything. "Will that be all, Hyuuga-sama?"

"Yes."

A pair of bags were held out for Hinata to take. "Thank you, come again."

The bell above the door rang as she stepped out. Turning down a street, Hinata headed for home. With any luck, the genin team should be there before she arrived. They could finish hanging the decorations today. She soon started to hum one of her favorite lullaby's.

-o-o-o-o-o-

The other girls were frozen in place, curiosity warring with their instincts to run for it.

Placing something on the ground, Hanabi put her hands together in a way that she had seen Naruto use for her Orioke no Jutsu. For a smart girl like her, she had quickly found other ways to use the seal.

"Kowaii no Jutsu" she calmly said as she willed her chakra to flow. It slowly gathered through her body and began to take shape...

-o-o-o-o-o-

"Yo, brat, what's got you so worked up?"

Naruto slowly lowered the bed and turned around, Jiraiya immediately held his hands up in a warding gesture when he saw the pitiful sight. Naruto had streams of tears running down her cheeks and snot flowed freely from her nose to her mouth.

"Ero-sennin, I can't find my last cup of ramen anywhere!" she sobbed.

-o-o-o-o-o-

A large burst of smoke erupted into the sky.

It was silent for several moments

...and then several loud shrieks filled the air.

A minute later, Hanabi was suppressing the urge to gag as she stared at herself using a small pocket mirror that she had found laying next to one of her victims.

Disguising herself as a tentacle demon and then throwing cold limp soggy ramen noodles on them was fine in theory. But her opponents were already on the ground and foaming at the mouth before she even had a chance to pick up the cup and toss the noodles.

Now that she could see herself, she knew why. She wasn't disguised as a tentacle monster, she was disguised as her idiotic training partner, complete with that bright orange faux pas of a jumpsuit. It was so horrifying, yet she couldn't look away.

Speaking of which...a neutral look soon settled on her face when she saw someone else appear in the mirror. She turned around.

"Nooo!" Naruto shrieked as she ran up and ripped the cup out of the shorter girl's hand. She lifted the lid and peered in. "I-It's cold and soggy!" she cried before she glared venomously at the other girl, "my evil twin, you're so evil!" Her hands formed an oft-used seal as she prepared to use her favorite skill.

"Hey, not bad Hyuuga-sama," Jiraiya said as he walked up and grabbed the back of Naruto's jumpsuit before she could do anything to her mortal enemy. He eyed her up and down for a moment. "I was expecting you to use a giant tentacle demon or something the brat here would cook up, but you surprised me and found a rather effective solution. It appears that I made a good choice."

"?"

Jiraiya beckoned for her to follow. They were soon hidden in a secluded spot behind the shack.

Taking advantage of the lull in action, Hanabi used the cancel seal and detransformed.

When the smoke cleared, Hanabi was staring up at her sensei with a bored expression on her face. Inwardly, she was curious. What had he meant by 'good choice'?

"Eh? Hana-err, Stuck-up chan?" Naruto shouted in surprise before she looked around. "Where's my evil twin?" she growled.

And then Jiraiya started to laugh boisterously. "Congratulations! I've suggested it to Tsunade, and she has approved. You are now a proud genin of the leaf." He held out a Konoha headband. "Wear this with pride, Hyuuga-san."

Shock was clearly evident on both girl's faces.

Naruto's finally shut her mouth. She turned to her training partner. "You're a genin now Stuck-up-chan! Isn't that great?"

The surprise on Hanabi's face quickly disappeared. "I suppose it is," she said as she accepted the headband with a nod.

"I can't believe you're not jumping in joy over this," Naruto shouted before she broke free of Jiraiya's hold and took the younger girl's hand. "C'mon, we're going to celebrate by eating out."

"What about training?"

"Eh, the pervert leaves us enough times anyway," was the rude and rather resolute reply.

"Oh? You don't want to learn a mystical new attack brat?" the white-haired man jeered.

Naruto abruptly about-faced. "Let's train!" she shouted, her face glowing in anticipation.

"Weren't we going to celebrate my promotion?" Hanabi asked.

"Eh, I'll take you la-" Naruto paused. "Where are you going Ha-Stuck-up-chan?"

"To celebrate my promotion," came the cool reply.

Naruto huffed. "Fine, I'll learn it myself." She turned eagerly to Jiraiya.

Said old man had a giant grin on his face. "Tough luck brat, you need a partner for this attack."

A gamut of emotions ran across Naruto's face. Shock, surprise, dismay, resignation, impatience...

"Stuck-up-chan! Wait!" she shouted as she turned and ran after the retreating form of her partner.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Three days later, one of the sannin, a genin, and a new genin were gathered on a large sand dune in the middle of nowhere.

After checking around for eavesdroppers, Jiraiya bit down hard enough on his thumb to draw blood.

* Poof *

"Yo!" the small reddish-orange toad greeted, "Gimme some candy."

"Later." Jiraiya grunted as he handed the monthly report to the toad.

Gamakichi harumphed as he took the scroll. "Remember your promise, or I'll tell pops." he said, waving his other flipper threateningly.

Before the toad could leave, Hanabi held something out to him.

"Here."

"Candy?" Gamakichi asked crossly.

Hanabi held out her other hand.

"I like you!" Gamakichi happily said as he snatched the small wrapped treat, and the scroll, from her hands. Giving Jiraiya the toad equivalent of a redeye, the reddish orange toad then turned and hopped away.

"Strange," Jiraiya hmmed. "Despite his friendly nature, Gamakichi isn't the type to willingly help someone that hasn't signed the toad contract."

The other two girls stopped watching the rapidly fading form of Gamakichi to look at their sensei. What was he talking about?

-o-o-o-o-o-

_Dear Father, _

_I am sure you have heard by now, but at the time of writing this, I am now a Genin of the Leaf because Hokage-sama wishes it so. _

_We have since moved from tea country. We will not be returning anytime soon._

_Sincerely,_

_Hanabi Hyuuga, Heir of Hyuuga Clan_

-o-o-o-o-o-

"F-Father! You're home early," Hinata stuttered as she stepped down from the small footstool. She quickly composed herself. "Have you heard from Hanabi yet?"

Hiashi stared at his eldest daughter for a moment before he nodded.

A smile blossomed on Hinata's face. "When can we expect her presence tomorrow?"

The Hyuuga Head frowned.

Hinata's large smile slowly disappeared, replaced by one of worry. "I-I'm afraid I don't understand." she finally stuttered.

Hiashi slowly handed the note over to Hinata. And her world promptly cracked.

Hinata weakly sat down. "Why?" she blandly asked as she stared blankly at the cheerful birthday decorations strung about the walls and ceiling.

* * *

Omake! Ichi!

Before they had arrived in wind country...

The two girls stood ready before the old man. He held three plates. Two balanced on an arm, and one balanced upon his head. This was the dinner that Naruto had just finished preparing. Just as they sat down to eat, he had snatched the plates away.

If they wanted any food, they had to take a plate from him.

Naruto, predictably, led the attack. Filling the clearing with her clones she had them charge at the old man, but they never came close enough to attempt snatching a plate away...

There was a shout and then numerous pops as a small group of toads leapt out from behind the nearby trees and ambushed them, cutting down a long line of clones in a massed strike.

The shocked Narutos stood there for a moment before they let out a holler and charged the grinning toad warriors. Jiraiya and the food he was holding were put in the back of their minds as they struggled to take down the toads. It was a battle of large numbers versus superior skill. Here, the large numbers started to dominate the battleground as the toads began poofing away one by one as they were slowly overwhelmed.

When the last toad disappeared, Naruto rounded on the pervert, only to be rewarded by an empty plate conking her on the head.

"Two plates of food left," Jiraiya said before he let out a burp. "You really outdid yourself this time, Naru-chan." he said as he set down the other plate, leaving only one balanced upon his head.

"Don't call me that!" she roared and her army charged forward.

Right before they could leap on top of him, Jiraiya finished his last seal and the area in front of him promptly turned into a swamp. Several loud splashes were heard as he quickly lashed out at those few that managed to leap at him in time. They burst apart in a cloud of smoke.

The toad hermit quickly formed another few seals, a thick fog quickly rolled in right when a second wave of clones struck from behind with a loud shout of Harem no Jutsu. Several collisions and a bunch of loud female screams filled the air as the vision obscuring jutsu screwed up the plan.

Naruto jumped up. "Where are you you pervert?!" she angrily shouted before she slowly fell to her knee and clutched a growing bump on her head, courtesy of a run-in with a boneheaded clone earlier. "Ow."

After taking a split second to recover from his Kawarimi, Jiraiya slowly backed away from the conflict with one plate perched on his head and another in his hand. He suddenly leaned forward and a glowing palm that was aimed for his back missed spectacularly.

"You can see me, even through this thick fog," Jiraiya commented.

"Of course, the Hyuuga bloodline should not be trifled with." Hanabi boasted before her eyes widened in surprise when a plate laden with food flew at her. She barely leaned away in time. The plate whizzed past her, and she turned to see it caught by...a large toad. Its long tongue returned to its mouth, carrying the plate with it.

"..." both toad hermit and girl stared at the sight.

After letting out a satisfied croak, the toad disappeared with a giant poof.

"Eh heh, one plate left." Jiraiya said with a sheepish grin. He quickly dodged as Hanabi started attacking him like a girl possessed.

After taking several steps back, Jiraiya suddenly hopped to the side to avoid being dogpiled by an army of blond girls.

From then on, it was a crazy battle as he struggled to hold his own as he was attacked from all sides.

Not really. It soon became obvious that despite the hefty handicaps he was sporting: 1 vs many, keeping something balanced on his head, said something had to be guarded from prying hands, and attacking and blocking with only his feet...he was still holding back.

Hanabi let out a grunt as she fell toward the ground again. Quickly rolling backwards and onto her feet, she stood up and charged forward, except this time, instead of attacking Jiraiya, she relentlessly struck one of Naruto's clones in the back.

The other two combatants appeared not to notice, chalking it up to friendly fire.

When 5 more clones disappeared from "friendly" fire, it was obvious that something strange was going on here.

"What do you think you're doing Stuck-up-chan!" Naruto hollered as more and more of her clones were being taken out without the old pervert's help.

Instead of answering, Hanabi just charged into a large group of clones, surprising them. They had no time to utter a cry before they too were disappeared in a cloud of smoke..

"Dammit, stop that!" Naruto shouted as a small detachment of clones stopped engaging Jiraiya and and went after the younger girl.

They were removed in little time, a testament to Hanabi's combat skill.

Naruto immediately sent more clones to restrain her crazed training partner. They disappeared as well.

Hanabi finally said something. "This," she coldly started as she charged a line of clones, "is," they disappeared one by one. "all your fault!" she roared as she lashed out. The real Naruto fell to the ground. She quickly sat up and held her reddened cheek.

"What are you talking about?!" Naruto shrieked in terror before a group of clones ripped her from her spot right before Hanabi's foot stomped on her.

"Stop!" Naruto shouted as she jumped to her feet.

The dust plume from Hanabi's miss slowly rose around her foot as she remained standing in that spot, her long bangs hiding her face from view.

Naruto and Jiraiya looked at their third member in concern. The blond girl finally stepped up and reached forward to lay a comforting hand on the other girl's shoulder, "Stuck-"

Her hand was knocked away by a swift backhand.

"I..." Hanabi rasped.

"I hate you!" Hanabi screamed as she looked up and her face was revealed. Tears were running down her face.

She punched Naruto again and the blond went flying a short distance before she landed roughly onto the ground.

Hanabi ran over and pulled her foot back as she prepared to kick her downed opponent, but right before it hit, it froze in place. She let out a loud yelp as her foot was jerked forward and then the hand threw her leg aside. Of course she had to follow her limb, and together they fell ungracefully to the ground.

Naruto slowly sat up, anger etched on her face. "Hyuuga-san. You've gone too far," she growled as she pushed herself up.

Hanabi quickly crawled backwards as she tried to put some distance between them.

Naruto easily caught up. But before she could land a hit on the girl beneath her, Jiraiya had her arm held in a tight grasp.

"Stop it you two." he ordered once Hanabi scrambled to her feet.

"Get out of our way!" both girls shouted before they hit him, knocking him to the ground.

Both girls stared in surprise at the prone form of their sensei before their eyes narrowed. "This is all your fault!" they shouted in tandem as they kicked him.

Jiraiya was soon bound and gagged, leaving the two to raid his defenseless backpack for food and other goodies.

Finding some dried meat, Naruto quickly poured the last bit of water from a nearby pail into her frying pan before setting it over the fire.

The water was just about to boil when a clattering sound rang across the clearing.

Curious, the two girls looked to see a small brown squirrel try to lift up a large plate of still-warm food. The dish fell and clattered again when the squirrel lost its grip.

Both girls looked at each other for a moment before they nodded in agreement.

They leapt at the plate like starving wolves. The terrified squirrel scampered away without its prize.

Not bothering to pull out eating utensils, both girls scooped up some rice and eagerly chomped down, only to shout in surprise as flames shot out from their lips.

"Aaagh, this was the plate I laced with super hot peppers to teach the old man a lesson," Naruto hollered as she fell backwards and knocked the pan of boiling water off of the fire. Picking herself up and wildly fanning her mouth, she ran into the forest to find a freshwater stream. Hanabi followed close behind.

* * *

Next Chapter Preview:

"Hmm, this is bad."

"What are you talkin' about Ero-sennin."

"Nothing. We need to step up on your training."

Naruto gaped at the pervert for a moment.

"It's about time," two voices shouted.

Jiraiya and Naruto swiftly turned to their third member in surprise.

Next up! Naruto's Training Trip, Year 2.

Jya ne.

* * *

It has come to my attention that some people think I'm bashing Naruto. My reply is only to sigh and ask why they can't see that I'm not just bashing her, I'm about to push her off a cliff and call it training. You've got half an hour to save her...good luck.

Mm...I'm pretty sure you won't figure out why I included the school scene. Here's a hint, I hate symbolism. ^_^

-o-o-o-o-o-


	15. Book 2: The Eye of the Storm

_Naruto for Hokage! Hanabi for President!_

The Trials of Uzumaki Naruto, Girl  
by TamaSaga

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

* * *

_Last year was all fun and games. It's time to get serious now._

* * *

Book 2, Chapter 3: Training Journey Year 2

* * *

"Ack!" Naruto cried as she was shoved out of the way while she was in the middle of picking up a carton of eggs.

"Watch where you're going brat," the tall man with longish black hair ground out as he bent down and picked something up from off the ground before walking away.

The blond glared after the man's retreating form. Only when his cape had disappeared around a shelf did she huff and turn around to pick up what she needed.

Now all she needed was the milk. But her legs refused to move. And try as she might, she couldn't get them to move.

"Aaagh" she finally raged, tugging on her long bangs in frustration. She stopped tugging on her hair and glared in the direction that the man had disappeared off to. Shoving the eggs into her basket she seized the handles with both hands and ran in the direction that the jerk disappeared to.

-o-o-o-o-o-

From atop the high shelves, Kyuubi tracked the one that had pushed the brat earlier. It wasn't that he cared for her or anything...she was compelling him to do this.

He noticed that the man was about to leave the store.

The fox-man quickly hopped off of the shelf and moved to follow.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Of course the man was long gone, but that didn't deter her one bit because, for some unknown reason, she knew where he was. Paying for her purchases, she was out the door and on her way over to his location.

She hadn't gone far from the grocery store when someone grabbed her arm.

"Where are you going?"

"Ah, hey Hanabi."

"Where are you going?" Hanabi asked again.

"I'm chasing after a man that ran into me a minute ago."

Hanabi thought about what Naruto said for a moment. "Is he cute?"

Question marks appeared over Naruto's head. "How would I know?"

Hanabi gave an indifferent shrug before letting go of her wife.

Naruto was a bit confused when the white-eyed girl remained next to her. Why wasn't her training partner walking off?

"Go," Hanabi ordered, as if that very question was plainly written on the future Hokage's face.

...It was actually.

Naruto sighed before walking off, the groceries banging against her legs. Hanabi followed close behind.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Kyuubi yawned loudly. He was bored. Perched on the roof of a modest two-story home on the other side of the narrow dirt street, he watched a performer setting up an act on a stage.

Naruto and Hanabi arrived minutes later.

The blond quickly spotted the man, who had pushed her earlier, on stage and performing in front of a small audience. She quickly formed a small plan and then pulled Hanabi aside.

"Absolutely not. I might be your wife, but that does not mean I bear a relation to you," the Hyuuga replied once she heard the details.

"Just play along, Hanabi." Naruto hissed back. "Please!"

Naruto's training partner said nothing. She blinked a few times though, if that meant anything. Naruto didn't know. She turned back to the stage, a bit less confident than before.

-o-o-o-o-o-

From his hiding spot, Kyuubi suddenly burst out laughing. And down by the stage, one of Naruto's clones lowered the bowling pin that she was holding as she stared in surprise as the performer dropped the pins that he had been juggling, without any help from her.

The man scoffed. "I meant to do that," he said as he bent over and regathered the pins before he tried again. Several in the crowd laughed loudly at that.

In moments, the man was juggling the bowling pins again.

Naruto reared back, but she never had a chance to throw because the man on the stage missed catching one of the pins, and soon the rest tumbled to the ground again.

The third time around, she didn't even try to do anything. And he messed up a third time, several pins flew all over, one even landed on her clone's head, causing it to poof away. The audience finally had enough and began to disperse.

The amateur juggler finally threw down the stuff in his hands in disgust after the fifth try. Taking a seat on a nearby bench, he waited for the crowd to disappear. But when he finally looked up, and was surprised to see that some in the audience still remained. He walked over to greet his fans.

"I can tell you were impressed, Miss..." the man said, exuding arrogance from every pore as he gave them a one in a million smile.

"...Naruto," the blond replied with an equally winning smile.

"And she is..." he asked, indicating Hanabi.

An invisible aura suddenly sprung up around Naruto and the world faded to blue as she prepared to use a super attack.

_- Dual Tech! Older and Younger sister Cuteness Attack. -_

"...my younger sister," Naruto answered as she leisurely placed both of her arms on top of Hanabi's head before resting her head on top. Of course she had to stand on a bench to pull this off, she was too short otherwise.

"Good afternoon," Hanabi politely said, before a small frown marred her face.

The man stared at the two girls for a long moment before he held a hand out to Hanabi. "Cheer up little miss," the juggler said, a softer grin replacing his arrogant smirk. There was a puff of smoke. When it cleared, there was a small rose between his fingers.

Hanabi stared at the rose for a long moment before she turned her eyes away. "No thank you." she said, causing the juggler/magician's face to fall.

"Ne ne," Naruto interrupted. "How long have you been doing this? She wants to know," the blond said as she rapped lightly on Hanabi's head.

The man hemmed and hawed for a bit. "10 years," he finally replied in a quiet voice.

"10 years?! Why haven't you given up already?" Naruto shouted loudly, her earlier plan forgotten as a different emotion sprung up and started warring with her annoyance. "How can you still face the crowd?!"

"Because..."

"Because?" Naruto curiously asked.

"Oi. Finally found you two," Jiraiya shouted as he appeared at the edge of the theater.

Naruto turned back to the performer. "Ah, we have to go..."

"I do what I like."

"...bye...huh?"

"Everytime the crowd laughs at a mistake, it feels like a spike through my heart. But I can keep going because I'm doing what I like," the man explained with a sad smile before he turned to gather his supplies.

"..." the two girls stared speechlessly at him for a moment before they turned and wordlessly walked away.

Several minutes later, in a busy region of town, Naruto leaned forward. "Ero-sennin? Weren't you on a research mission today?" A curious look appeared on Hanabi's face.

"Are you suggesting something about my research?" Jiraiya demanded. Not waiting for an answer, he held out a few strips of black cloth for the other two to see. "I was looking for these."

"?" Both Hanabi and Naruto gazed at the cloth in confusion.

"They're training weights. Brat, we're running out of time, we have to get to work."

"W-What? No way!" Naruto shouted, but she started to shake in excitement. Maybe the pervert had something cool to show them. "Really?"

The other two didn't see the small grin appear on Hanabi's face.

-o-o-o-o-o-

That evening...

"What do you mean there's no milk! I just went to the grocery store today!"

"You must have forgotten to buy it," Jiraiya said with a shrug. "You can get it tomorrow."

"Why not now?" she loudly demanded.

"All of the grocery stores are closed now, brat."

"No! That can't be! I need that milk to grow taller!"

"That's right...you are a bit short aren't you?" Jiraiya jeered as he bent over and pat her on the head.

"..." Naruto was silent for one long moment. "Noooo..." her mouth formed an 'o' as she emphatically denied the truth.

Little did the two realize, Hanabi, who was quietly seated upon the bed that the girls shared, was eavesdropping.

* * *

"Can we try it?" Naruto asked a few days later. Hanabi wordlessly stood next to her.

"The idea has merit...but...well, go ahead."

Both girls nodded to their uncharacteristically serious teacher and walked toward the clearing.

"It's weird having Ero-sennin watch us train for a week straight." Naruto commented.

"Shh..."

Frowning at Hanabi's strict attitude, Naruto called a clone over and the two set to work.

Ever flashy, Naruto shouted "Rasengan" when her special attack was ready.

Jiraiya gave them an approving nod. "Good, ready for part two?"

Hanabi took a few steps back before forming a few hand seals.

"Great Fireball!" Hanabi shouted before inhaling a deep breath. She breathed a large gout of fire, aiming it toward Naruto's attack.

The Rasengan suddenly deformed the instant the fire touched. The fire attack was eating at the chakra contained within!

The sphere started to disperse as the chakra holding it together lost its form. Naruto immediately tried to counter this by feeding more chakra in.

Uh oh.

Before she could react, her Rasengan was ballooning outward at a horrific rate.

Hanabi was blown off her feet by a tremendous burst of hot air. She rolled uncontrollably several times, but when she pushed herself up, she turned out to be relatively uninjured.

Naruto wasn't as lucky. When the smoke from the explosion cleared, her burnt form was laid out on the ground. There was a dazed look on her face.

Jiraiya frowned. "Training is over. Take a break. Go to town. Let me think about what had just happened."

There were two shaky voices of agreement.

-o-o-o-o-

Naruto, with bandages covering her face, and Hanabi stopped walking through town to stare at the small playground where several children were playing nearby.

"Help me," Hanabi asked before Naruto could take a hesitant step forward.

"W-What?!" Naruto shouted in surprise. She was becoming confused. First the pervert was training them. And now Hanabi was asking for help?!

Hanabi grumbled for a moment before pointing.

Naruto turned and looked. There was nothing there. She turned back, very confused.

However, Hanabi was ready for this as she outlined what she wanted with two fingers. Naruto quickly understood.

Moving to the empty lot, the two started to build something from the raw materials that were just lying around. In moments, the two had a passable stage made from wood planks and concrete blocks. Soon after, Hanabi had a small table set up for her use.

A few concrete blocks with two wood planks laid across them made a perfect bench.

With that done, Hanabi quickly etched out "Magic Show," on a plank of wood and hung it on a wall for all to see.

-o-o-o-o-o-

A few minutes later...

"No one's coming," Naruto boredly said as she stopped peeking around the corner. She returned to the makeshift bench, where she jumped when Hanabi loudly rapped a stick upon the table.

"We start," Hanabi calmly said before she drew out a figure 8 in the air with her stick before dropping it and clapping her hands together once. It promptly disappeared in a puff of smoke and then the white-eyed girl pulled out a stack of cards.

"Eh, Hanabi? Shouldn't we wait for more people?"

"No," Hinata's sister answered before she held up the stack of cards to display it to everyone, namely Naruto. She turned her hand around and held it so that the cards were directly over the other hand. And then they started to spring across the gap and into her other hand.

"Woah," Naruto shouted in amazement as she watched the many cards fly from one hand down to another. It looked like a waterfall and it sounded twice as neat.

Before all of the cards had left her top hand, Hanabi brought her hands together before pulling them away again. The cards had returned to her upper hand.

Naruto didn't have a chance to comment before they started to cascade again.

This repeated itself twice more, faster each time, before Hanabi held the hand holding the cards far away from her body. Naruto was then treated to the sight of the cards jumping from one hand to another as they arched over her training partner's head. Then they dashed from left to right, defied gravity, and then started bending and curving like a thrashing snake.

Little did the two know, a small girl was peeking in from around the corner. The small girl soon disappeared.

With one last flourish, the white-eyed girl slammed the cards onto the table and pointed.

Naruto looked around. Not seeing anyone, she pointed at herself. When Hanabi calmly nodded, she left the bench and walked up.

Putting one hand behind her back, Hanabi easily spread the cards out with the other. "Pick a card."

Naruto quickly pulled out a card.

"That was the Ace of Spades," the white-eyed girl monotoned.

Naruto looked at the card in her hand. "Yep."

"Pick another card."

Naruto reached forward and chose another one.

"That was an Ace of Spades."

"What?" Naruto asked in confusion. She looked at the new card. Then she compared it to an older card.

"Woah." Naruto cried, and Hanabi suddenly frowned.

"Sorry, I meant to say that that second one was an Ace of Hearts," the white-eyed girl said.

"No it isn't," Naruto cried as she showed both cards to her training partner.

But Hanabi wasn't looking at the cards, she was looking at a spot on the table. There was a poof of smoke, and Hanabi's stick reappeared. Picking it up, she quickly brought it forward and tapped one of the cards. "It is," she simply replied.

Curious, Naruto turned the cards around. "Ace of Spades and Ace of Sp-huh? Hearts?" she tapped her noggin a few times before she finally realized what it meant. "Wow! Yeah! It is! That was great Hanabi! Do something else!"

Scattered applause appeared from nearby, causing Hanabi to look over. Her eyes widened and her face turned a pale pink, "Time to go."

"Eh?" Naruto turned to see what Hanabi was looking at. "But you have an audience." she said as she pointed at the newcomers. They gave her a shy wave, one which she returned enthusiastically before turning around.

Hanabi had disappeared.

Question marks appeared above Naruto's head.

* * *

The next day...

Hanabi and Naruto were waiting for Jiraiya.

Skip skip skip *crack!* ~plop!~

I did it! Naruto shouted as she jumped up happily, she suddenly twisted in midair and threw a rock that she had hidden away just moments earlier. It left her hand with a deft twirl and arced gently toward the lake. A 4-skipper, she just knew it.

*Crack!*

~Sploosh!~

"Mou..." Her attempt to catch Hanabi unprepared hadn't worked.

The two were trying to intercept the other's rock with a rock of their own. It was an interesting variation that Jiraiya had shown them during one of their competitions to see who could get the most skips.

"You two ready?" Jiraiya asked, appearing before Hanabi could throw again.

"Ero-sennin." Naruto happily greeted.

"Yes Jiraiya-sensei." Hanabi said with a respectful bow.

*bonk*

"Don't call me that," Jiraiya said sternly before he pointed at Hanabi. "Follow her example in showing respect to your betters."

"You?!" Naruto shouted in disbelief.

-o-o-o-o-o-

The two were hard at work again.

This time, Naruto had hundreds of clones around the clearing. Hanabi quickly lashed out and struck several clones, dispelling them, before she performed a very unHyuuga-like attack.

She leapt up...

...and sprang right off of a clone's face. It poofed out of existence as Hanabi soared through the air and bounced off of the head of another clone.

Naruto quickly spun around. Her eyes widened, and she quickly ducked right before a glowing palm struck her.

Successful dodge. But some of the chakra from the near miss was affecting her system.

As for Hanabi, she was overextended from the hasty attack. Naruto's clones quickly took advantage of this by tackling her from behind without any fear of being attacked. Hanabi crashed to the ground with an oomph.

"Yield!" Naruto demanded from her spot on top of Hanabi. The Naruto in front of the white-eyed girl -- the one that had barely dodged the attack, the one whose sensitive chakra system was affected, and the one who Hanabi was currently glaring at -- disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Too surprised to resist, Hanabi relaxed and Naruto jumped off.

"Pretty good." Jiraiya said as he held out a pair of blindfolds. "Warmup is over. Now try to find me. Feel free to use your bloodline Hyuuga-sama, but both of you have to locate me before I declare training over for the day."

Naruto was incredulous. "Hide and Seek?!"

-o-o-o-o-o-

Hanabi winced as she dabbed alcohol on a cut on her arm. She looked over the cuts and bruises that covered her body. "Father may not like this..." she quietly said to no one in particular.

"But aren't you enjoying yourself?" An equally battered Naruto asked as she walked over and slung an arm over the younger girl. "It's fun isn't it?"

"I suppose so."

"Then who cares what your dad thinks?"

"..." Hanabi was silent for a moment. "You wouldn't understand," she finally said in a quiet voice before she seemed to shrink into herself.

"Eh? What do you mean?"

There was no reply.

"Hanabi?"

-o-o-o-o-o-

Later that day...

"Hanabi!" Naruto shouted as she bound into the hotel room.

Hanabi slowly turned away from the TV, a bored look on her face.

"Let's do magic today!"

Hanabi turned back to the TV and then slouched down in the couch.

-o-o-o-o-o-

"I promised!" Naruto shouted before, with one final grunt, she forced her training partner onto the stage. She stood there panting.

Hanabi stared at the rapidly assembling audience for a moment. Were there more benches than yesterday? She turned to look behind her. Her escape route was blocked by a soon-to-be dead blond idiot.

Letting out a large sigh, and struggling to hide her discomfort, she pulled out a small stack of cards from her pocket and tried to spring them from one hand to another.

The cards scattered everywhere, and the crowd booed.

Naruto was just as quick to roar at them, causing many of the children to fall backwards off of the benches and run away in fear.

But a small girl stood up and began to clap enthusiastically. And the rest of the crowd hesitantly joined in.

Hanabi turned pink. Scooping up the cards, she resolutely tried again. The cards scattered everywhere again, but the crowd patiently waited.

On the third attempt, the crowd started clapping. And Hanabi felt her confidence grow, although her face didn't budge from its calm look.

Several successful flourishes later, Hanabi picked up a small rock from the ground and placed it atop her head before clapping her hands together. There was a large burst of smoke and, when the smoke cleared, a large flower was sitting upon her head.

Her audience cheered again. The clapping was far more energetic this time.

Hanabi waited for the applause to die down before she drew a stack of cards from thin air. Literally. It appeared in a puff of smoke.

After performing an interesting shuffling trick, she slapped the deck onto the table before pulling out several small gray balls. She began to juggle them.

To the children's surprised eyes, they began to disappear one by one. When the last small ball disappeared, Hanabi pulled out another card deck from a vest pocket and then fanned them out, with the tops of the cards pointing toward the audience.

To everyone's surprise, all 5 of the gray balls were resting neatly on the back of the cards.

The children cheered and clapped loudly.

* * *

The day after...

Naruto absently picked at the bone-dry grass around her as she rested against a tree and watched Hanabi train diligently. Jiraiya had wanted her to form a Rasengan with one hand, but so far she hadn't been successful.

Picking up a stick, she absentmindedly rubbed them together.

She paused as something occurred to her. Two sticks were needed to make a fire develop.

If one of the sticks represented her...and the other stick represented the kage bunshin...two of them were needed before a Rasengan could develop. So how could she create a fire using only one stick...?

Wait, no, that wasn't quite right. Rubbing the sticks together after the fire had begun would not increase the fire's strength. A big difference when compared to the Rasengan, where applying more chakra, and then manipulating it some more, strengthened the attack. So she needed another example...

She rubbed the sticks more vigorously in irritation as she tried to come up with a common activity that she did everyday that was similar to the creation of the Rasengan.

Little did she know that a glow was forming around her.

Hanabi paused. The glowing had caught her attention, and she stopped training to see what Naruto was doing.

Little did she know that she was about to witness the birth of a legend.

-o-o-o-o-o-

The culprits responsible for the fire that ate away a significant portion of the forest around Bath, as well as half of the fire daimyo's summer home were never found.

"Who knew the fire would spread so quickly!" Naruto shouted, hopping and swiping at a small fire that was currently licking away at one leg of her jumpsuit.

"Don't think! Run!" Hanabi shouted, the fire having finally stopped crawling up her kimono, leaving one leg exposed. Father wasn't going to be happy...but it was easier to run now...

Coincidentally, on the same day, several hours before Jiraiya had left Naruto and Hanabi to train alone, a respectable, but batty, old lady reported to the police that she had seen a fire crawl out from the hotsprings. The way she described it, water was sizzling off of it in droves as it disappeared into the forest without a word.

"Sir! The forest is on fire!" one of the new recruits shouted to his superior as he forced the door open to report the news. "We have nobody to fight it."

"What?! Where's the fire department?!"

"On leave sir. There was a mandatory course on firefighting in the capital. We might need to hire the nins that are currently in town," another constable reported.

"Dammit!"

-----

Townsfolk were quick to take advantage of this tale. It made things interesting for the small town.

"Have you heard? A previously unknown creature was spotted in our town."

"Really?! What was it?"

So greedy.

They already had the fire daimyo's summer retreat, as well as some of the best hot springs on the continent. Now they wanted a legendary mascot?

There was no stopping it. Soon, banners were hung everywhere, proclaiming Bath as the "Home of the Eternal Flame." A new entry in the reference books described the eternal flame as a mythical demon that can travel through water, heating it up but never being doused.

As a side note, the real winners were the villages who had nins stationed in town already. Citing fees for revealing undercover operatives when the nins were called out to fight the fires threatening the town, they sucked out a large chunk of the new profits in one go.

* * *

Hinata let out a scream.

Running over to a nearby corner, she seized a small broom from the wall, twisted the handle, and pulled out a hidden sword.

"Hey! Watch it!" Gamakichi shouted as he nimbly hopped out of the way of the downward slice.

It talked! That just made Hinata scream louder. She charged forward, fully prepared to ram the blade deep into oversized froglike abomination.

"That's it, I'm outta here!" Gamakichi quickly said as he dropped the scroll and disappeared in a large cloud of smoke.

Hinata picked up the scroll and opened it.

_Dear Father,_

_Jiraiya-sama has allowed me to summon toads. _

_Hanabi_

"Ha-Ha-Hanabi!" Hinata shrieked.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Hanabi and Naruto both had large magician's hats perched upon their head. They looked at the assembled audience...

Hanabi took a deep breath before turning to her training partner and magical assistant.

"Ready?"

"Yeah!"

-o-o-o-o-o-

The playground nearby was empty. Worried parents milled around just around the corner, they weren't permitted to enter. But the intimidating red-haired man blocking the way assured them that their children were safe.

The benches were packed this time, several of the audience members even had to stand because there was no more raw material to build more benches. They didn't mind, the view was much better.

A small kid with bushy hair looked at the table in front of him for a moment before he pointed. "It's that one!" he shouted loudly.

Hanabi blandly raised the cup that the kid was pointing at.

There was nothing underneath.

With her other hand, she lifted the other cups, 1, 2, 3, and 4. Nothing under them either! Picking up the first cup again and putting it down on the head of her volunteer, she pulled it up. A large marble rested on top of the bushy hair. There was a puff of smoke, and a flower appeared where the marble was earlier.

The children roared their approval.

"For my final trick..." Hanabi said as she calmly waved at her volunteer to tell him to return to his seat. The noise from the audience quickly died down. "I shall summon a mythical creature in front of you."

All of the children leaned forward.

Rolling up her sleeves, she quickly showed that there was nothing in her hands.

And then, with a few odd hand gestures and a quiet whisper...

**Poof!**

"Yo!" Gamakichi greeted the assembled children with a friendly wave when the smoke cleared. This was soon followed by a loud cracking sound as the stage gave out under his weight. Several adults immediately appeared around the corner before gaping in surprise...

This was soon followed by a veritable storm of candy as many of the children shrieked and panicked upon seeing a large warty gross FROG. The orangish toad didn't care. He eagerly scooping up whatever thrown candy came within reach with his tongue and webbed hands.

Hanabi gracefully hopped off of Gamakichi's back and took a step away from the hail of sweets before bowing grandly to the terrified crowd.

"So this is where you've been," Jiraiya said with a small frown on his face as he landed behind Hanabi. Naruto stopped cheering to jump off of the bench and run up to hear the news.

Jiraiya surveyed the chaotic scene and sighed. "We have to move."

"What, already?" Naruto cried in outrage.

"It's not my fault you decided to show off. It won't be long before THEY get word of your activities."

"Aww..."

* * *

Omake! Ichi!

For once, Naruto was quiet. She bent over a nearby pond for a moment before returning to a task in hand.

"What's this, brat?" Jiraiya asked as he yanked something from the blond girl's hands.

"Hey!"

Jiraiya examined the carving for a moment before a vein appeared on his forehead. "Brat...I hate you."

"Same," Naruto growled back, "now give it back."

The old man did nothing for the longest of moments, and Naruto was about to demand for it again...

...but then he grinned, causing Naruto to pause.

"No."

"What?!" the blonde shrieked. She formed her favorite seal, "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"

"If you care so much for it...take it back," Jiraiya laughed loudly as he leapt away right when a group of brats tried to tackle him from behind.

Several meters away...

"Hanabi!" Naruto shouted. When there was no reply, she ripped the book away.

The white-eyed girl stared at the empty spot between her hands for a moment before she sighed. "What do you want," she asked as she bent over and slowly drew in the dirt.

"The pervert took something important. We need to get it back."

"What thing?" the Hyuuga asked, looking up.

"..." Naruto wisely remained silent.

"Is it a training scroll?"

"Uhh...yeah!" Naruto said with an enthusiastic nod.

Hanabi slowly pushed herself up. "Okay."

Naruto suddenly felt several of her clones disappear. "Toads?" she absentmindedly mumbled.

"What?"

"The pervert is pulling out toads. He's taking out all of my clones."

Hanabi looked strangely at her training partner.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive!"

"How do you know?"

"...uhh..."

Hanabi sighed and formed a few hand seals. "Byakugan." The veins around her eyes bulged. She directed her attention to the semi-distant battlefield, and her eyes widened in surprise.

Kyuubi cursed when he felt someone's sight land on him. He quickly disappeared from a tree overlooking the fight between the monkeys. Just when it was getting good too.

The Hyuuga wasted a moment to wonder about the reddish chakra that she had spotted before she started trying to figure out how they were going to get past the two toads that were guarding Jiraiya-sama.

Except Naruto wasn't beside her anymore. She quickly looked around, before she covered her face in embarrassment.

"Ero-sennin!" Another large group of Narutos shouted as they charged onto the battlefield.

Flanked by his two guardians, Jiraiya boredly watched as the sea of blond and orange charged in. And then his eyes widened when they stopped.

He had only managed to get rid of about about ten of them before they finally completed their hand seals.

"Kuchiyose no Jutsu!"

An army of small frogs and tadpoles appeared. Many of them looking quite bewildered.

"Alright!" One of the Narutos shouted, grabbing the attention of every single toad. "Stop that pervert yo!"

Everyone of the small ones grinned, and those that could...shouted, "Aye!" They turned and charged for Jiraiya, en-masse.

The ground suddenly shook as one of Jiraiya's large toads landed in front of the group, intercepting them. The toad's cape fluttered gallantly behind him.

Now then, an impressively sized group versus a single impressively sized toad. It looked like both sides were staring dumbly at each other, but in reality, each side was silently communicating their intent.

"What's going on?" Naruto asked when there was no action for the longest of moments.

The small toads suddenly developed tears in their eyes.

Oi oi! Where are you going?!" She shouted when the swarm turned around and began to retreat. She suddenly found herself fighting to keep her balance as they swarmed around her legs in their hurry to escape.

And then the ground shook slightly again as a large frog landed in front of the confused blond.

"Yo!" Gamakichi said as he cheerfully held up a webbed foot and waved. The small toads stopped running away to stare at the newcomer.

Hanabi slowly staggered off of the orange-red toad. Naruto caught the weakened girl before she collapsed to the ground.

"Help Naruto," Hanabi weakly commanded. Gamakichi turned to Naruto.

"Looks like you're having trouble controlling the tadpoles," Gamakichi said, looking slightly to the side. Several eyes were staring curiously at him. "I'll get them to help you."

"You can do that?!"

"Easily!" Gamakichi energetically replied before he turned to the motionless group behind the two young summoners. "Alright! Listen up!" Gamakichi shouted to the army of small toads. He withdrew a large kunai from his belt with a -shing- and stabbed it into the ground. "Our plan is to defeat the white-haired guy. He's only got two toads and we have many!"

Most of the young toads nodded; however, a few were more reluctant. "But they're bigger than us," they protested.

Gamakichi glared at the group. "Are you toads or are you flies. Acts of courage will bring you one step closer to toadhood!"

The mob stared silently at him. How creepy.

Gamakichi didn't notice. "Are you with me!"

There was a cheer.

"Louder!" Gamakichi shouted to the assembled crowd.

The small toads cheered again.

"Even louder than Naruto!" Gamakichi roared.

The rallying cries were almost deafening. They easily drowned out Naruto's, "Hey!"

The large group of small toads surged forward.

What followed would have been a brutal slaughter if the small toads weren't toads. As it was, the small toads were disappearing by the dozen as the large toads worked their way through the crowd like Godzilla in New York.

Gamakichi turned from the frightful massacre with a sheepish look on his face. "Yo, I need bigger troops," he casually said before he hurriedly turned around and brought his kunai to bear.

* Clang *

"Gamakichi, so nice of you to join us," the caped toad said as he leaned his weight upon the sword.

The sword started to slip.

- Shing -

Gamakichi immediately lunged forward with his freed kunai. "Wouldn't miss it for the world."

* Clang *

"You should have. Losing so many troops in such a short moment, how embarrassing," the other toad pompously replied as he struggled to overcome his opponent's blade.

The greater leverage from the sword finally started winning out over Gamakichi's greater strength. But Gamakichi wasn't about to lose yet. Shoulder charging the other toad, Gamabunta's son quickly leapt back and held his dagger at the ready.

"They'll grow stronger," he declared before swinging the kunai and parrying the incoming attack.

He stabbed forward. "You're holding back Gamasudo," he growled when his dagger was intercepted by the flat of the other's blade.

"You still have a way to go young one," the sword-swinging toad observed. "Don't get eager on me."

The two separated once again and hopped back.

In a smooth practiced motion, Gamakichi ripped another kunai off his belt and threw it before leaping in again.

*Clang*

In another part of the battleground, Naruto was running through a set of seals as she glared defiantly at Ero-sennin.

There was a poof.

"Where am I?"

"Gamatatsu?" Naruto slowly asked the toad that was a bit larger than Gamakichi.

"That's me," the large toad replied.

"Bro! Help me out here!" Gamakichi shouted.

Gamatatsu immediately drew a giant claymore from the sheath on his back. "Who's attacking you?"

"Gamasudo!" the other toad exasperatedly shouted.

"Isn't he a friend?"

"Not in this battle."

"Uhh..."

"Just come over here and hold him off!"

"Gaki! Defend yourself!" Naruto stopped gaping at the surprising scene between the two toads to turn to the source of the shout. Her eyes bugged out when she spotted the other toad spring away from its guard position. Its upraised sword slowly descended as it prepared to cleave downwards. It was moving too fast, there was no time to dodge. She began to duck and cover her head.

* Poof! *

Startled by the sound, Naruto looked up. She spotted a bit of fiery red within the cloud. Before she could say anything, however, the cloud had dissipated, and the one responsible for saving her had disappeared.

Another poof occurred.

"Yo," A lightly injured Gamakichi said with a salute and a weak grin. "I leave the rest to you." He disappeared, taking Gamatatsu with him.

Naruto slowly stood up, panting heavily. She looked to her side, Hanabi was swaying dangerously. In front, Ero-sennin was looking fresh.

Jiraiya stopped frowning and straightened up. "You two have improved," he said as he gave them a moment to catch their breath.

"Heh, you're just getting old Ero-sennin."

Jiraiya glared, "Just for that, brat," he said as he started forming hand seals again.

Apparently breaktime was over before it had begun.

Naruto immediately realized that Ero-sennin was calling something big. She immediately formed hand seals of her own as she tried to summon something bigger, quicker.

* POOF *

The smoke cleared, and Gamabunta was calmly smoking his pipe and looking up at the two on his head. "This had better be important." he rumbled as Jiraiya finally managed to latch onto the side of the warty head. He scrabbled upwards.

"Yeah, see, we're trying to take back a statue I was making of me beating up Ero-sennin."

Statue?! Hanabi's jaw dropped before she glared at Naruto in outrage. The liar!

But before she could do anything, she found herself losing her balance as the gigantic toad shifted beneath her.

"So you've been having my subordinates fight each other just to retrieve this carving of yours?"

Jiraiya leaped over the side and ran over to cover Naruto's mouth, but he was too late; a 'yeah' had already left her lips.

Gamabunta remained silent for five seconds. "I'm going to teach all three of you a lesson on wasting a toad's time!" he roared angrily.

The toad summoners gaped down at the giant toad. Before they could ask what he intended to do, the three suddenly experienced a brief feeling of being pancaked as Gamabunta leapt high into the air.

And then they struggled to keep their feet glued to the red toad's skin as he descended rapidly.

The landing jarred them badly and Hanabi let out a yell when she lost her footing and started to slide toward the edge.

Both Jiraiya and Naruto leapt forward and grabbed her before she could fall. But the grumpy toad was far from finished. He leapt into the air once again. And the frog summoners struggled once again to remain on his head...

...because once they fell off, if the drop didn't kill them, being landed upon by a 40-story toad will.

* * *

Next Chapter Preview!

Yay! We're returning to Konoha.

"..."

"Ero-sennin? Hanabi?"

"We're being followed."

"..."

Next Chapter! Naruto's Training Trip, Third Year.

See you then!

* * *

*shrug* I was waiting for a certain number of hits on Book 2, Chapter 2 before I posted this. Now I'm going to set a really high hit count so I won't have to work on this for a bit.

I was going to have Gamabunta pistol whip the three, but somehow the three ended up on his head and not beneath his field of view. The reason why? Whoever summoned him was going to be on his head. I didn't want to split the three up, so I declared that they were close enough together for all three to be taken up there.

-o-o-o-o-o-

**Acknowledgements:**

**Konno Natsume** of **Mahoraba ~Heartful Days~ **is the source of Hanabi's sleight-of-hand skills.

**The Great Rick **for offering an alternative interpretation of that scene involving Naruto and the legend. I've fixed it up to clear up some misunderstandings.


	16. Chapter Preview

  
  
The Trials of Uzumaki Naruto, Girl

Preview!

Without any time to write, and no desire to shove out more story ideas since juggling 7 stories is horrible enough, I leave you these to show you that it's not writer's block that prevented this week's (and maybe next week's) update.

If you feel the need to say something, use a PM if you want to say something to me because when the next chapter is out, it will replace this one. For those without PM, my e-mail addy is at the top of my profile. Seriously though, I hope you don't. Saying good things about a PREVIEW seems rather stupid to me.

-o-o-o-o-

Hiashi stared at the toad that was nearly as tall as he was.

"Gimme some candy." Gamakichi greeted. When Hiashi reluctantly handed over a large bag of treats, Gamakichi snatched the sweets away before setting down the next message.

Dear Father,  
We had to chase after a group that called itself Akatsuki.

We kicked their ass.

Hanabi.

"..." Hiashi stared at the letter for a moment before he slowly set it down. It was obvious that his beloved daughter was being corrupted by her two traveling companions...was it too late to retrieve her?

There was a loud slam as Hinata forcefully left the mansion. She screamed and pulled the sword out of the broom before she began slicing apart a nearby tree.

Naruto, I'll take you down for what you've done to Hanabi, she viciously promised as she continued lashing out at a tree.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Naruto was supposed to return this year, but Akatsuki intervened. I'm also thinking of ways to improve the first chapter.


End file.
